And now, the end is near….
That sounds good. I should put it in a song.
That can wait, though. The real reason you’re reading this gibberish is to find out what the results are going to be on Saturday.
First up, Wales against Italy. Wales have scored 5 tries to Italy’s 4. That makes you think it might be close! Until you realise that Wales have conceded 7 to Italy’s 24. Which is a bit of a problem for Italy. (Nae shit, Sherlock). Italy played better against Scotland than they had in the other games, so is this the time they can back it up with another good performance? Probably not.
Wales have struggled a bit this year. Thumped by Ireland, scraped past Scotland, somehow losing to England despite scoring all the tries and never really looking like they would beat France. So, can Italy pull off a huge shock and get past Wales in Wales?
Let’s ask Predict-A-Bear!
Answer: Nah. Might be closer than expected, but probably Wales by 15.
Next up is Ireland against Scotland. (Sob). This was going to be The Year! The year to end (Way too many to count) Years Of Hurt! A brilliant start! And then everything turned Scottish. A disappointing – to say the least – defeat in Wales, thumped by France, then showing what we can do against Italy, before deciding that things were far too easy and that we should turn Scottish again.
Never mind, it’s only Ireland. The team that has been reinvigorated under Farrell The Elder. The team that beat the All Blacks. The team that thumped Wales, gave France their closest game so far and who managed to be disappointed in only scoring 57 points against 15, 14, 13, 12 man Italy. They have scored 20 tries to our 10, conceded 3 to our 11, Sexton’s on his Neverending Farewell Tour and have the might of Ulster (cheering them on from the sidelines).
So. Any hope for Scotland? Well … Ireland’s scrum looked strangely out of sorts against England. They also seemed a bit too rushed at times. And Finn bloody owes us one! So of course, Toonie sticks him on the bench. But probably none.
But let’s find out from Predict-A-Bear!
Answer: Nah. Much as I would love to be wrong, Ireland will win this fairly comfortably, by about 15 (at least). Can’t see us even getting any sort of bonus point. (Sobs again.)
Finally, the main event! France against England! France at home and going for a Grand Slam against a (fairly) average England team. (I mean, come on, WE beat them!) Eddie’s playing mind games again, although the only people he seems to confuse with these are his players. They have looked fairly toothless in attack (7 tries scored – and they’ve played Italy!), wonder boy Smith hasn’t quite lived up to the hype (but he will), the midfield has a Manu-sized hole (but then it frequently does) and Jack Nowell will probably end up hooking in the front row. And please (don’t) let Joe Marler take more throw ins. On the good side, Maro’s been a right annoying bastard on the pitch.
But France! They have everything: they can play tight; they can be expansive as (cliché alert) only France can. They have the best player in the world, and a few others who would probably be in a world XV, strength in depth and Shaun Edwards as defence coach. They haven’t perhaps scored quite as many tries as their play would suggest and had to tough it out against Wales.
So who will win?
Predict-A-Bear to the rescue!
Answer: A France win and Grand Slam!
Predict-A-Bear whispered sweet nothings into BorderBoy‘s ear.
Onna telly this week
Friday 18th March
| Bulls v Scarlets | 17:10 | BBC2 Wales / Premier Sports 2 |
| Glasgow v Edinburgh | 19:35 | Premier Sports 1 |
| Newcastle v Leicester | 19:45 | BT Sport 2 |
Saturday 19th March
| Lions v Munster | 12:00 | RTÉ2 / Premier Sports 2 |
| Wales v Italy | 14:15 | BBC1 / iPlayer |
| Sharks v Zebre | 16:30 | Premier Sports 2 |
| Ireland v Scotland | 16:45 | ITV |
| France v England | 20:00 | ITV |
Sunday 20th March
| Stormers v Cardiff | 12:00 | S4C / Premier Sports 1 | ||
| Wales v Italy (U20s) | 14:00 | BBC1 Wales / iPlayer / Website | ||
| Ireland v Scotland (U20s) | 17:00 | BBC1 iPlayer / Website | ||
| France v England (U20s) | 20:00 | BBC1 iPlayer / Website |
Ovally Balls 
“Disappointing the goat isn’t on a boat.”
Then we would be left with ‘the goat might go starboard’ which is both difficult and confusing as it’s a different oa sound.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Luckily the goat isn’t in Cameroon or it would be on the menu, not the boat or road. The Oa sound would be soft and reluctant as it’s last breath left its lungs. Not sure that’s appropriate for kids though. Or young goats, for that matter.
LikeLike
“Not sure that’s appropriate for kids though.”
You’re quite right, ‘menu’ is definitely a ‘tricky word’.
LikeLike
Is oa in boak the same sound as in goat?
LikeLike
The old phonics scheme that the other two did had books that were more fun with cartoon drawings, amusing storylines and fantastic titles like ‘Big Pig’, ‘Goose on the Loose’ and ‘Shark in the Park’. Not as deep and dark as A Goat on the Road though so it’s nice to get a change.
LikeLike
Front row is an issue if Porter and Furlong aren’t available. At LH, Healy is no longer test class against the big heavyweight teams (looking at SA, France, England). Kilcoyne was always adequate but offered more as a carrier. Pretty sure after 2017 Lions tour we’d have assumed Jack McGrath was nailed on for 2019 and 2023 but injury has limited him. At TH, Bealham doesn’t really inspire confidence.
O’Toole and O’Sullivan from Ulster have been in and out of squads. 2023 might be too soon for Wychereley from Munster or any of the other provincial props who haven’t yet nailed down regular starting slots.
10 – this is well rehearsed, Carbery is still getting up to speed after prolonged injury (2019-2021) plus broken wrist last autumn. After that there’s a bunch of 10s….
– 2 Byrnes in Leinster plus Frawley (who’s always played at 12). Leinster are trying H Byrne at 12. R Byrne looks a step below test level.
– Munster have Healy and Crowley – Healy has a prodigious boot, Crowley might be the better of the 2 but 2023 even here looks too soon
– Carty in Connacht. I’m not convinced….and probably doesn’t suit the way Ireland want to play….
– Ulster – Burns has been tried and is probably outside consideration now , I guess Lowry is a wildcard but he’d need to be starting at 10
On the bright side, we’ve wingers galore (Stockdale to return , Baloucoune to get regular time) , centre is well enough stocked (Aki, Henshaw, Ringrose, Hume) , back row is good too. SH – between Gibson-Park, Murray, and Casey – things are fine.
2nd row – we really lack a TH lock – like Willemse – Kleyn seems to be outside consideration as his handling isn’t regarded as good enough. Maybe Thornberry at Connacht?
LikeLike
Trisk – ahem – McCLOSKEY too! And Cooney/Doak at SH.
LikeLike
Yeah – I’d bet on Doak ahead of Cooney….
LikeLike
CMW, stick the goat onna boat and you have to option of going to port
LikeLike
“Is oa in boak the same sound as in goat?”
Flair, yes, but with a Scottish or Irish accent, it wouldn’t work with most English accents, perhaps not Welsh either
LikeLike
“stick the goat onna boat and you have to option of going to port”
And at that point we will have moved physically as well as linguistically away from the right/right double meaning that is at the very heart of A Goat on the Road.
LikeLike
Speaking of props, well Trisk was.
I saw something very unusual on Friday night, a very very rare thing. A genuine, born and bred, young Scottish prop who looks the real deal.
Murphy Walker, 22, started out for Glasgow on the loosehead side against Edinburgh’s Kiwi Angus Williams. Williams had marched the Connacht scrum back in the previous game, but he was in reverse gear against the young Walker.
On the hour mark the changes were made and Boan Venter came on to the left hand side of the scrum as Walker switched to tight head. I thought this was going to be carnage, Venter is a serious scrummager. Not only did Venter come on but De Bruin came on on the other side for Edinburgh – two decent South African props who know their way around the scrum and the Edinburgh pack got hammered.
Walker was even stronger on the tight head side than he was on the loose.
He is the nephew of Sean Lineen apparently. I look forward to his development, I wish he was with us at Edinburgh.
LikeLiked by 1 person
“and at that point we will have moved physically as well as linguistically away from the right/right double meaning that is at the very heart of A Goat on the Road.”
otoh, you have a triple meaning of going left, finding safe haven or getting hammered on a bottle of fortified wine
LikeLike
“but with a Scottish or Irish accent, it wouldn’t work with most English accents, perhaps not Welsh either”
I think it’s more of a speech pattern thing than just the accent itself, not that the two aren’t interlinked in some way. I think some northern English accents would get away with it, Cumbrians probably, not so sure about over the other side, Jack Charlton’s pronunciation of ‘goals’ is not promising though who knows it could be effective.
LikeLike
flair, Doak and boat have the same sound. boak’s normally pronounced “bleurgh”.
LikeLike
“Kiwi Angus Williams”
He could have fooled us into thinking he wasn’t a ringer if he’d just stuck to his middle name.
LikeLike
fair point CMW, I’m sitting here saying Boak out loud in a Geordie accent and it works well, in fact
LikeLiked by 1 person
I’m not sure what makes people think A Goat on the Road can be improved upon anyway.
LikeLike
“I’m sitting here saying Boak out loud in a Geordie accent and it works well, in fact”
I was doing similar. Only I was painting a bannister while doing it. It’s probably closer to “bleurgh” than with a Scottish accent!
LikeLike
Thanks for the pronunciation lesson.
French would say beurk for boak. Not that I would sniff at a young goat in my pot, very tasty meat indeed.
LikeLike
“Is oa in boak the same sound as in Doak, from Ulster?”
****Tiptoes quietly out of the room.****
LikeLike
The basic rule is you can pronounce things how you like and someone in the Anglophone world will pronounce it that way. Also often works with verb forms as well – I should have went there, she were walking down the street are both fine. And don’t let anyone tell you(se) that English has the same form for the second person pronoun in both singular and plural.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Or “yiz”
LikeLike
yousuns in the south west’d say ye, no?
LikeLike
My lads have London/Essex accents but I’m corrupting them slowly. My oldest refers to the England cricketer as Johnny ‘Burstow’. And my youngest, when talking about rugby, pronounces ‘ruck’ to rhyme with ‘book’.
LikeLike
Correct – “ye” is pretty common as the 2nd person plural … and “ye’re” as the possessive
LikeLike
Couple of big URC games in SA at the weekend – Ulster in Cape Town and Edinburgh in Durban. If the Sharks win, they leapfrog Edinburgh. Ulster’ll be a real test for the Stormers, who’ve been going ok recently.
LikeLike
Ospreys and Dragons draw the highveld short straws.
LikeLike
Should be OK now that AWJ’s got a nice gentle warm up game under his belt.
LikeLike
Only the Lions so will be fine.
LikeLike
Edinburgh have got very close to the first choice backline available in South Africa, Darcy Graham is rested and Damien Hoyland is injured.
Up front he guys staying at home are McInally, Nel, Gichrist, Toolis, Ritchie, Crosbie, Mata, Kunavula, Haining.
Watson and Schoeman are there but they won’t play this weekend.
I expect a pack of Venter, Cherry, de Bruin, Young, Hodgson, Muncaster, Boyle, Bradbury maybe) – none of those are starters in our first choice, Cherry would be on the pine, as would Venter and Hodgson, Bradbury would be there about for the bench.
I don’t expect to get much change from the Sharks, but I don’t think I have actually seen them play this season, so I don’t know where their strengths are, probably a monstrous pack and fliers in the back three if I had to guess.
We have a tough run in, Sharks and Lions away, we might get something out of the Lions as we’ll have been there for two weeks and from what I gather they aren’t the strongest of the SA teams – very different from when I watched them in Super Rugby a couple of years ago.
Then we have Zebre at home which might provide a bit of respite, Ulster at home and then Glasgow at home.
Top 8 is our goal from here, that would get us into the play offs and in to the Heineken Cup I’m not sure we’ll make it.
LikeLike
Not a monstrous pack, but some good players – Mbonambi, Notshe, Kolisi, among others. Good little generals at 9, either Williams or Hendrickse. Bosch or Chamberlain at 10, both good kickers. Centres are solid, outsides are good – Mapimpi, Fassi and one of Kok, Penxe or Nkosi (who may be off to the Bulls, who are maybe losing Tambwe to Bourdeaux -he might be injured, mind).
They’re slow at starting at the moment. Edinburgh should look on it as a definite chance.
By the by, Dylan Richardson’s on the bench for the Currie Cup team tomorrow.
LikeLike
You should beat the Lions but the altitude’ll play a big part.
LikeLike
The Lions who demolished Munster on Saturday? Gave them a 14 point lead on a platter and then reeled them in. This despite – as I mentioned – Munster fielding more Boks than the Lions and 8 or 9 current/recent/fringe internationals? You jest sir!
LikeLike
It’ll be interesting to see how things pan out over the next few weeks now that the 6N is done. Our sides won 8 from 8 over the last two weekends and will have their dander up, for sure. However, only the Sharks and Stormers have a significant sprinkling of Test players, with the Lions not having one in their squad and the Bulls having a couple of 7s legends, a few recent internationals, a couple on the fringes of the Bok squad, both capped and uncapped, and Morne Steyn (when he’s back from his ban to terrorise the home nations again).
Don’t think we’ll be challenging for overall honours this year, but a couple of playoff places definitely.
LikeLike
Ruan Dreyer’s a Bok*, Deebee.
Morne’s back, played Currie Cup and URC matches already.
* Coetzee-era so maybe don’t count.
LikeLike
Dreyer, true but off the bench. Still a good scrummager. I hope that SA Rugby gets the Tshituka brothers citizenship before they bugger off to more lucrative climes. Ripped it up on Saturday.
LikeLike
We also have Jaco Kriel as skipper (but unsurprisingly out for the season), Willem Alberts and Jannie du Plessis as the crowning glory of our star-filled squad. Can’t remember if either has played a match to be honest. Slim pickings in the City of Gold at the moment.
LikeLike
That said, Wandile Simelane is classy, Morne van den Berg at 9 is a busy and very good operator, getting the best out of Jordan Hendrikse, who is also good. Quan Horn at 15 has promise (but probably not suited to the Boks) and the wings get license to run the ball. They’re fun to watch when they’re on their game, but the Lions don’t have the firepower or depth to do much more than knock off under-strength touring sides at the moment.
LikeLike
Quan Horn cannot be a real name. You are making that up.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Morne van den Berg’s nickname is Krappie, thaum.
I saw young Horn play for SA Under 20 last year, deebee. Good player as is Hendrickse at outside half.
LikeLike
https://pbs.twimg.com/media/FOZiKHUX0Akzikd?format=jpg
LikeLike
TomP – that is a brilliant photo. Seen it a couple of times. Is it from Eyes Over Africa? If you love Africa in all it’s diversity, then this is a book you should look out for – photographed in 2007, by two guys who flew a chopper from Egypt to Cape Town:
https://books.google.co.za/books/about/Eyes_Over_Africa.html?id=KK1ViZ3SLEkC&source=kp_book_description&redir_esc=y
LikeLike
It’s by a photographer called Beverly Joubert, deebs, but similar to other photos. My lad loved it as well.
LikeLike
And Happy Painting and Kissing Day everyone:
LikeLike
TomP, Hendrikse, the Tshituka brothers and Horn are excellent prospects, likely to end up in the English, French or Japanese (and also other SA sides) leagues sooner rather than later. We just don’t seem to be able to keep talented players here, not since our wonderful side from five or six years ago. Had a look at the players from 2016-2018 who played in the three Super Rugby finals. 33 players in total, of whom only Jaco Kriel (injured for the season again), Johannes Jonker and Ruan Dreyer are still active at the Lions. Ross Cronje retired in January and Warwick Teckelenburg a few years back, Aphiwe Dyantyi is still banned (I think), Julian Redelinghuys and Warren Whitely retired injured and the rest have moved to other clubs, here and abroad.
It’s very sad, and when you think that a player like Tyrone Green has also left since that generation, you’ve got to wonder what’s going on in the management structures. Of course we lost coach Ackermann as well.
LikeLike
It’s a question of money mostly, no? You want some of the RocNation cash or the mining moolah. But even then it’s hard to compete with the French, English and Japanese clubs.
For some of the young guys you can understand it because the competition is so fierce. There was an interview with Paul Willemse on the Guardian last week and he was saying how he left because he wasn’t in Meyer’s plans in 2014 or 15. He was brilliant for France but not sure he’d have picked up too many caps behind Etzebeth and now Snyman.
Another one coming through at the Lions is Henco van Wyk from Monnas. He is a fantastic player but then has Simelane ahead of him in the pecking order at the Lions and that’s before you get near Bok level.
LikeLike
Yeah, it’s an interesting dynamic. Used to be that our players headed off to Europe for a nice pension at the end of their careers, but these days, they seem to be heading overseas in their prime and then coming back to top up their earnings for a season or two before venturing into business or farming or whatever. Look at Kriel, Alberts and du Plessis at the Lions, Ruan Pienaar and Frans Steyn at the Cheetahs (although they’re Cheetahs boys through and through and add tremendous value to the new crop of players), not sure if Marcel Coetzee strictly fits that picture at the Bulls, or Etzebeth at the Sharks, so perhaps it’s more a case of unions that offer a compelling case to players – clearly the Lions aren’t doing that.
There was an interesting interview with Warwick Teckelenberg where he talks about how they built that Lions side from scratch – basically outcasts from other unions – but with a vision and a purpose. Etzebeth talks about how the vision at the Sharks drew him to the union, ditto Siya, and lots of the Bulls players talk in the same terms about what Jake White is building there.
Then you have WP/Stormers with their protracted boardroom battles and the Lions with seemingly little vision or bold plan. At least the Stormers have managed to hang on to many of their Boks, although they’ve lost some key ones too in recent times – Etzebeth, Kolisi, Mbonambi etc.
Here’s the interview:
https://www.sarugbymag.co.za/happened-warwick-tecklenburg/
LikeLike
The Stormers are playing nice stuff at the mo. Very pleased to see Gelant doing so well after his injuries, a super player. And Libbock and Willemse putting in the performances as well. Ulster’ll be a tough game this weekend – Vermeulen’s return.
LikeLike
Eduard Coetzee at the Sharks seems very good at presenting that compelling case to players.
Some good schools rugby on the weekend as well. I’m going to try and catch a few games from the Noord-Suid tournament at Affies. Monnas v Paarl Gimmies and Affies v Paul Roos look the best two and Grey v Stellenberg and Menlopark v Paarl Boys High are interesting as well.
Your alma mater got a 26-0 beating by Duineveld the other day and Grey put 86 on Duineveld a fortnight ago.
LikeLike