After a week of meetings, meals and general bonhomie in Yaoundé, it was time for the drive back to Douala. Mercifully, we didn’t fly and could experience the wonders of the rainforests and music all over again. As well as the increasingly oppressive security, with the elections less than a week away by now. However, our passports were with the driver, so the looks were more of curiosity at seeing South Africans driving hell for leather around the country than anything else.
We arrived in the early afternoon and were met in the foyer of our hotel (back at Akwa Palace) by Mama Denise, the local manager of the South African Airways office to ensure that we had our tickets for the flight – it was well before the Internet and the luxury of checking in that way were around – and that our luggage would be taken care of at the airport, so we could skip the queues and head for the bar on the other side. The flight was still three or four days away, but she was a gem, wanting us to feel reassured. It’s possible Eric, our host, had paid/strongarmed her into a little show so we could see he was an important man, but that mattered little at the time – we now knew we had legitimate, I think, visas and passports, as well as flights organised.
Mama Denise was a charming lady once we got chatting, and invited us to her home for dinner that evening – a wonderful gesture, although complicated by having our bloody minders around us all the time. With nothing to do, I persuaded Eric to take us to a local market so I could buy some tapes of Manu Dibango and other artists we’d listened to whilst driving around, as well as local chocolate, raw cashew nuts, dried plantains and the other things not accessible in South Africa. Apart from the Dibango tapes, I settled for a few ‘greatest hits’ type compilations of some of the artists to be found on this lovely tribute.
The market was an assault on the senses in every way for this raw traveller – it was by turns blisteringly hot and dusty, chucking it down with hot tropical rain, and sullenly humid. Perfect for a few 33 Exports and spicy goat skewers, then. An absolute kaleidoscope of colour – bright, unabashed and vibrant – underpinned it all, but at the same time, looking with less of a touristy naivete, the lack of proper running water at the food stalls, the piles of plastic and other garbage and the lingering smells of lack of proper infrastructure told its own story of poverty and the daily grind to simply put food on tables, roofs over heads and clothes on bodies: no luxuries for the bulk of people here, just the hustle of survival from day to day, whatever your age or gender.
We got back to the hotel in the early evening, with my head still spinning from the afternoon, a million thoughts about the potential of the country, the people, the culture, the abominable political class and everything in between, to be greeted by Mama Denise, loudly telling us, with a wink unseen by the security mob, that she had reserved a table for us at the hotel restaurant for 8pm. We should all meet in the foyer at that time. Privately, she told us to be there at 7pm to evade our detail.
7pm arrived and I sauntered as casually as possible into the foyer, scanning for the security, who mercifully weren’t around. Mama Denise met us and quickly escorted me and two companions into her slightly battered Renault and we sped off into the looming evening. She drove as fast as one can through a city of faltering lights, water-covered potholes and chaotic traffic and we arrived at her home about an hour later. I have no idea where in Douala it is, or even which direction we drove in.
It was fairly modest by the standards of someone who grew up in a privileged environment in South Africa, but warm and friendly with wonderful smells coming from the kitchen. Mama Denise put on a fantastic spread for us with all the favourites I’d been enjoying over the last week on display and much, much more. Her husband and children joined us and we swapped stories and experiences way into the night, before being driven back to the hotel. What a stunning evening, with a charming family, excellent food and music, and truly enriching conversation. A perfect evening! Except for the stony-faced minders waiting at the entrance, with a sheepish Eric in tow. Mama Denise stood her ground as they aggressively demanded to know where we’d been, finishing the conversation with the most gallic of shrugs and a dismissive wave of the hand as she sped off again. Eric was angry and told us in very direct terms to not do that again. Minders pacified, we went to bed.
The following couple of days followed a similar routine as in Yaoundé, with meetings, lunches and political grandstanding. It was our final night and I was fairly exhausted from the trip, which was something I wasn’t used to. One last dinner, I thought. Fuck, wonder if I can make an excuse? But no, I tagged along to a restaurant with a karaoke bar Eric wanted us to try.
Pretty rustic, wooden tables, plastic chairs, low lighting and very basic toilet facilities (for which he kept apologising, as if it was his fault). A tropical downpour ensured we were there for the evening, with large bottles of 33 Export needing to be consumed quickly to stop them from getting warm in the tropical heat. Heaven.
A skinny, lanky and impossibly dark-skinned guy got onto the stage and introduced himself as the karaoke compere. He then played a Sinatra track as I had my back to the stage, chatting to one of our local business partners who had joined us. Problem was, Sinatra had a very Francophone accent every now and then. I looked back and saw this incredible sound coming out of this most unlikely of singers – he was pitch perfect and loving it, as were we all! A few songs in and Eric joined him on stage (again, being Cameroon, it’s quite possible this was, well, staged, for a few dollars, but hey-ho) and they sang together: Dibi Dibi Rek, a song that Ismaël Lô had released a few years before. Eric could hold a tune, for sure, but not like this kid! But the best part was watching a Cameroonian version of Laurel and Hardy belting out tunes in perfect harmony. Dinner, sublime. West Coast sole, spicy rice and plantains. Heaven.
Waking up the next morning, our last in Cameroon, I wandered down to breakfast with a sore head, but fantastic memories. We went through the motions of eating, checking out and heading to airport, me trying to absorb as much as possible still and enjoy the ambiance, Rob and Felix from Gabon complaining about everything, including Eric our fabulous host, and Nomsa from the Tourism Council, who had joined us again after not bothering for a week, dismissive of ‘dirty Africa’ and hankering after Paris.
We checked in, said our goodbyes – mine fond and lasting for years – the others perfunctory and box-ticking, and headed to the airport bar. Had a few more beers, a couple of glasses of wine, chatted briefly to a few guys I didn’t know and got on the plane back to Joburg via Kinshasa and Harare again. It was an uneventful flight, almost too calm after the last couple of weeks, but allowed time for reflection on what a magnificent place Africa is. A rollercoaster couple of weeks that instilled a love and respect for the continent that will always be in my DNA.
Postscript: Eric and I stayed in touch for years after that trip and I saw him a couple more times on trips to Cameroon, but he then moved to Europe, and I think, the States. Mama Denise retired from SAA a few years later and I never got to meet her again. Nomsa is probably in Paris telling people how dirty Africa is and that she went to a swanky school in Paris, whilst Rob and Felix got hold of me a few times asking for favours through my work, but I told them to do one.
Wanderings by Deebee7
Onna telly this week
Friday 14th October
| Ospreys v Stormers | 19:35 | BBC2 Wales / Premier Sports 2 |
| Connacht v Leinster | 19:35 | RTÉ2 / Premier Sports 1 |
| Sale v London Irish | 19:45 | BT Sport 1 |
Saturday 15th October
| Scotland v Australia (women) | 03:00 | ITV |
| USA v Japan (women) | 05:30 | ITV |
| France v England (women) | 08:00 | ITV |
| Lions v Ulster | 13:00 | Premier Sports 1 |
| Gloucester v Bristol | 15:00 | BT Sport 2 |
| Sharks v Glasgow | 15:05 | Premier Sports 1 |
| Edinburgh v Treviso | 17:15 | Premier Sports 1 |
| Cardiff v Dragons | 17:15 | Premier Sports 2 |
| Munster v Bulls | 19:35 | TG4 / Premier Sports 1 |
| Scarlets v Zebre | 19:35 | S4C / Premier Sports 2 |
Sunday 16th October
| Italy v Canada (women) | 00:45 | ITV |
| Wales v New Zealand (women) | 03:15 | ITV |
| Fiji v South Africa (women) | 05:45 | ITV |
| Harlequins v Leicester | 15:00 | BT Sport 1 |
Monday 17th October
| Saracens v London Irish | 19:45 | BT Sport 1 |
Ovally Balls 
I’ve claimed a free watch after my wife changed phone contracts and it will take up to 60 days to arrive. A bit like claiming stuff from a cereal packet in the 90s.
I shall spend my time waiting on the doorstep for the postman.
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We bit the bullet and finally bought a second car last week, largely for cricket reasons. My missus is the registered owner and it means I get a hundred quid referral fee, which is nice.
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OT – do you have to wait a long time for a cheque in the post. Like the 90s?
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Just like to refer back to my previous theory about 1996 being peak civilisation. Still think this is true, despite the lack of speedy post.
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1996 in the London Borough of Richmond-upon-Thames may well been lovely. However the post-industrial apocalypse of south east Lancashire around this time was less idyllic.
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OT – ‘peak’ does not necessarily mean ‘good’. At least it was after the first apocalypse and before the second.
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In 1996 keg bitter was still widely available, which is not an indicator of peak civilisation.
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You didn’t have to take out a second mortgage to buy a round though.
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Careful, if you’re out and about in London
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Bok side for Saturday. Probably the most exciting 9, 10, 11, 14, 15 we’ve fielded in years, but with 12 & 13 doing their best LOTR “None shall pass” impression, they may get more ball from Sexton than their own teammates. Very strong pack, which they’ll need against Ireland. Bomb squad pretty decent too, but the big worry is if we get injuries in the outside backs – we will see huge reshuffles if a centre gets crocked, which would be disruptive.
South Africa: 15 Cheslin Kolbe, 14 Kurt-Lee Arendse, 13 Jesse Kriel, 12 Damian de Allende, 11 Makazole Mapimpi, 10 Damian Willemse, 9 Jaden Hendrikse, , 8 Jasper Wiese, 7 Pieter-Steph du Toit, 6 Siyamthanda Kolisi (captain), 5 Lodewyk de Jager, 4 Eben Etzebeth, 3 Frans Malherbe, 2 Malcolm Marx, 1 Steven Kitshoff.
Replacements: 16 Mbongeni Mbonambi, 17 Retshegofaditswe Nche, 18 Vincent Koch, 19 Franco Mostert, 20 Deon Fourie, 21 Albertus Smith, 22 Francois de Klerk, 23 Willie le Roux.
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These Intl windows are a bit of a strain on player strength on top of injuries, e.g. Exeter
Hogg – Intl
Nowell – Intl
Slade – Intl
Hendrickson – Injured
Devoto -injured
Woodburn – injured
Skinner – injured
Simmonds – carrying an injury
Townsend – injured
Keast -injured
Moon – injured
LC-D – Intl
Harris – injured
Street – injured
Gray -Intl
Jenkins – injured
Kirsten – injured
Davis – injured
Tschiunza – Intl
Simmonds – Intl
Capstick – Injured
Well, at least it’s big opportunities for the young lads!
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Faz and Manu, probably. Answering myself. Altho that probably means Smith generally playing at 12, which may not work out. Oh well. Poomas by 10
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SBT – going on recent form, Manu will probably only last 20 minutes, so the real question is who do England have on the bench to fill in for the last 60? Or are one of the wings capable of shifting inside?
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Slade, it’s a tough time of year for clubs, Edinburgh had to go to Cardiff for a league game outside the international window last weekend so we were without;
Schoeman, Cherry, Nel, Skinner, Gilchrist, Ritchie, Watson, Haining
Vellacott, Kinghorn, Graham, Lang, Bennett, van der Merwe, Immelman.
in total there were 18 players not available due to injury or intl selection, from the above Immelman and Haining wouldn’t be considered a starting first choice, but both are very good – Immelman has really stepped up this season.
btw, Sam Skinner has been terrific for us, though he broke his flippin foot on Saturday againt Oz, so he’s out for four to six weeks.
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Deebs, I think Ire/SA will be the pick of the round in terms of quality and intensity. I find it very difficult to choose a winner. You’d think home advantage would be enough for the number one ranked side in the world, but I hope it’s a full blown test match that goes down to the wire.
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Ticht, I hope so too. We haven’t won in Ireland for a decade, so we ‘owe’ Ireland one, but much will depend on whether we get enough (or any) dominance up front. We’re not good chasing the game or playing on the back foot, so if Ireland are on top up front, they should win with a bit to spare. I do hope though that our outside backs are given some decent ball to run with. That could be very entertaining!
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@Ticht
I wasn’t trying to imply that some other clubs weren’t getting hammered as well and I know Edinburgh are suffering.
I think Skinner is really good provided he keeps his weight down – a bad foot break won’t help in this respect!
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Wales: 15. Leigh Halfpenny, 14. Louis Rees-Zammit, 13. George North, 12. Nick Tompkins, 11. Rio Dyer, 10. Gareth Anscombe, 9. Tomos Williams, 1. Gareth Thomas, 2. Ken Owens, 3. Tomas Francis, 4. Will Rowlands, 5. Adam Beard, 6. Justin Tipuric, 7. Tommy Reffell, 8. Taulupe Faletau.
Replacements: 16. Ryan Elias, 17. Nicky Smith, 18. Dillon Lewis, 19. Alun Wyn Jones, 20. Christ Tshiunza, 21. Kieran Hardy, 22. Rhys Priestland, 23. Owen Watkin.
Anyone know anything about Rio Dyer ?
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SBT – his name means the textile dyeing river. Wiki says he’s 22, plays on the wing for Dragons and made his way through the academy there. I think my explanation is better.
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Your weekend results, a couple of day early. Get down to Ladbrokes and put the house on it*:
Romania v Chile Romania by 8
Italy v Samoa Italy by 11
Scotland v Fiji Scotland by 13
Wales v New Zealand New Zealand by 17
Ireland v South Africa Ireland by 6
Spain v Tonga Tonga by 4
France v Australia France by 11
England v Argentina England by 13
Georgia v Uruguay Georgia by 6
* Disclaimer: Can’t be held responsible for results changing due to referee bias or error, player brainfarts or The Predictor™ just being plain wrong. You’re on your own. Hope the weather is fair in case of loss of home.
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I think your first two predictions are the wrong way around!
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Thauma, no idea about the first match, but Italy thrashed Wales in the 6N earlier this year and Wales battered the Boks in the 2nd Yest in SA, ergo Italy are world beaters. Or something. To be frank, I have no idea what the Samoa side looks like. Well, I have an idea of what they look like, but not how they’ll play.
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And Chile blow hot and cold. I’ll get my coat.
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Richie Gray? Thought that was a case of mistaken identity at first. But he is in instead of his brother.
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@Slade, I was agreeing with you as opposed to challenging the idea Exeter are alone in being down lots of players. :-)
Big Richie Gray has been playing well, but you do have to wonder about his inclusion – is he going to be a RWC squad member? At his very best he can rule a lineout and destroy that part of the game for the opposition.
Having lost Scotland’s best lineout thrower in Cherry to a dicky hamstring it makes a little bit more sense to include him.
Having said that, Ashman has very good darts, he’ll be starting for Scotland very soon. I’ve watched him at Sale and I think he’s a terrific hooker. Him being 22 years old and Paddy Harrison at Embra, 20, are going to have long international careers ahead of them
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Rumours of Finn’s return for the All Blacks have been grossly exaggerated, according to Gregor Townsend,
when asked a direct question on the subject he said, “No”
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Sly bugger! Giving the Kiwis false hope and lulling them into a falsec sense of security.
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O Tremble (or Trimble) You Boks!
Ireland team:
Keenan; Baloucoune, Ringrose, McCloskey, Hansen; Sexton (capt), Murray; Porter, Sheehan, Furlong, Beirne, Ryan; O’Mahony, Van der Flier, Doris.
Replacements: Herring, Healy, Bealham, Treadwell, Conan, Gibson-Park, Carbery, O’Brien.
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England: 15 Freddie Steward, 14 Jack Nowell, 13 Manu Tuilagi, 12 Owen Farrell (c), 11 Joe Cokanasiga, 10 Marcus Smith, 9 Ben Youngs, 8 Billy Vunipola, 7 Tom Curry, 6 Maro Itoje, 5 Jonny Hill, 4 Alex Coles, 3 Kyle Sinckler, 2 Luke Cowan-Dickie, 1 Ellis Genge
Replacements: 16 Jack Singleton, 17 Mako Vunipola, 18 Joe Heyes, 19 David Ribbans, 20 Sam Simmonds, 21 Jack Willis, 22 Jack van Poortvliet, 23 Henry Slade
Happy with this (largely).
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Time for Slade to bring back Slade.
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New post in the offing!
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New post is here.
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