After a week of meetings, meals and general bonhomie in Yaoundé, it was time for the drive back to Douala. Mercifully, we didn’t fly and could experience the wonders of the rainforests and music all over again. As well as the increasingly oppressive security, with the elections less than a week away by now. However, our passports were with the driver, so the looks were more of curiosity at seeing South Africans driving hell for leather around the country than anything else.
We arrived in the early afternoon and were met in the foyer of our hotel (back at Akwa Palace) by Mama Denise, the local manager of the South African Airways office to ensure that we had our tickets for the flight – it was well before the Internet and the luxury of checking in that way were around – and that our luggage would be taken care of at the airport, so we could skip the queues and head for the bar on the other side. The flight was still three or four days away, but she was a gem, wanting us to feel reassured. It’s possible Eric, our host, had paid/strongarmed her into a little show so we could see he was an important man, but that mattered little at the time – we now knew we had legitimate, I think, visas and passports, as well as flights organised.
Mama Denise was a charming lady once we got chatting, and invited us to her home for dinner that evening – a wonderful gesture, although complicated by having our bloody minders around us all the time. With nothing to do, I persuaded Eric to take us to a local market so I could buy some tapes of Manu Dibango and other artists we’d listened to whilst driving around, as well as local chocolate, raw cashew nuts, dried plantains and the other things not accessible in South Africa. Apart from the Dibango tapes, I settled for a few ‘greatest hits’ type compilations of some of the artists to be found on this lovely tribute.
The market was an assault on the senses in every way for this raw traveller – it was by turns blisteringly hot and dusty, chucking it down with hot tropical rain, and sullenly humid. Perfect for a few 33 Exports and spicy goat skewers, then. An absolute kaleidoscope of colour – bright, unabashed and vibrant – underpinned it all, but at the same time, looking with less of a touristy naivete, the lack of proper running water at the food stalls, the piles of plastic and other garbage and the lingering smells of lack of proper infrastructure told its own story of poverty and the daily grind to simply put food on tables, roofs over heads and clothes on bodies: no luxuries for the bulk of people here, just the hustle of survival from day to day, whatever your age or gender.
We got back to the hotel in the early evening, with my head still spinning from the afternoon, a million thoughts about the potential of the country, the people, the culture, the abominable political class and everything in between, to be greeted by Mama Denise, loudly telling us, with a wink unseen by the security mob, that she had reserved a table for us at the hotel restaurant for 8pm. We should all meet in the foyer at that time. Privately, she told us to be there at 7pm to evade our detail.
7pm arrived and I sauntered as casually as possible into the foyer, scanning for the security, who mercifully weren’t around. Mama Denise met us and quickly escorted me and two companions into her slightly battered Renault and we sped off into the looming evening. She drove as fast as one can through a city of faltering lights, water-covered potholes and chaotic traffic and we arrived at her home about an hour later. I have no idea where in Douala it is, or even which direction we drove in.
It was fairly modest by the standards of someone who grew up in a privileged environment in South Africa, but warm and friendly with wonderful smells coming from the kitchen. Mama Denise put on a fantastic spread for us with all the favourites I’d been enjoying over the last week on display and much, much more. Her husband and children joined us and we swapped stories and experiences way into the night, before being driven back to the hotel. What a stunning evening, with a charming family, excellent food and music, and truly enriching conversation. A perfect evening! Except for the stony-faced minders waiting at the entrance, with a sheepish Eric in tow. Mama Denise stood her ground as they aggressively demanded to know where we’d been, finishing the conversation with the most gallic of shrugs and a dismissive wave of the hand as she sped off again. Eric was angry and told us in very direct terms to not do that again. Minders pacified, we went to bed.
The following couple of days followed a similar routine as in Yaoundé, with meetings, lunches and political grandstanding. It was our final night and I was fairly exhausted from the trip, which was something I wasn’t used to. One last dinner, I thought. Fuck, wonder if I can make an excuse? But no, I tagged along to a restaurant with a karaoke bar Eric wanted us to try.
Pretty rustic, wooden tables, plastic chairs, low lighting and very basic toilet facilities (for which he kept apologising, as if it was his fault). A tropical downpour ensured we were there for the evening, with large bottles of 33 Export needing to be consumed quickly to stop them from getting warm in the tropical heat. Heaven.
A skinny, lanky and impossibly dark-skinned guy got onto the stage and introduced himself as the karaoke compere. He then played a Sinatra track as I had my back to the stage, chatting to one of our local business partners who had joined us. Problem was, Sinatra had a very Francophone accent every now and then. I looked back and saw this incredible sound coming out of this most unlikely of singers – he was pitch perfect and loving it, as were we all! A few songs in and Eric joined him on stage (again, being Cameroon, it’s quite possible this was, well, staged, for a few dollars, but hey-ho) and they sang together: Dibi Dibi Rek, a song that Ismaël Lô had released a few years before. Eric could hold a tune, for sure, but not like this kid! But the best part was watching a Cameroonian version of Laurel and Hardy belting out tunes in perfect harmony. Dinner, sublime. West Coast sole, spicy rice and plantains. Heaven.
Waking up the next morning, our last in Cameroon, I wandered down to breakfast with a sore head, but fantastic memories. We went through the motions of eating, checking out and heading to airport, me trying to absorb as much as possible still and enjoy the ambiance, Rob and Felix from Gabon complaining about everything, including Eric our fabulous host, and Nomsa from the Tourism Council, who had joined us again after not bothering for a week, dismissive of ‘dirty Africa’ and hankering after Paris.
We checked in, said our goodbyes – mine fond and lasting for years – the others perfunctory and box-ticking, and headed to the airport bar. Had a few more beers, a couple of glasses of wine, chatted briefly to a few guys I didn’t know and got on the plane back to Joburg via Kinshasa and Harare again. It was an uneventful flight, almost too calm after the last couple of weeks, but allowed time for reflection on what a magnificent place Africa is. A rollercoaster couple of weeks that instilled a love and respect for the continent that will always be in my DNA.
Postscript: Eric and I stayed in touch for years after that trip and I saw him a couple more times on trips to Cameroon, but he then moved to Europe, and I think, the States. Mama Denise retired from SAA a few years later and I never got to meet her again. Nomsa is probably in Paris telling people how dirty Africa is and that she went to a swanky school in Paris, whilst Rob and Felix got hold of me a few times asking for favours through my work, but I told them to do one.
Wanderings by Deebee7
Onna telly this week
Friday 14th October
| Ospreys v Stormers | 19:35 | BBC2 Wales / Premier Sports 2 |
| Connacht v Leinster | 19:35 | RTÉ2 / Premier Sports 1 |
| Sale v London Irish | 19:45 | BT Sport 1 |
Saturday 15th October
| Scotland v Australia (women) | 03:00 | ITV |
| USA v Japan (women) | 05:30 | ITV |
| France v England (women) | 08:00 | ITV |
| Lions v Ulster | 13:00 | Premier Sports 1 |
| Gloucester v Bristol | 15:00 | BT Sport 2 |
| Sharks v Glasgow | 15:05 | Premier Sports 1 |
| Edinburgh v Treviso | 17:15 | Premier Sports 1 |
| Cardiff v Dragons | 17:15 | Premier Sports 2 |
| Munster v Bulls | 19:35 | TG4 / Premier Sports 1 |
| Scarlets v Zebre | 19:35 | S4C / Premier Sports 2 |
Sunday 16th October
| Italy v Canada (women) | 00:45 | ITV |
| Wales v New Zealand (women) | 03:15 | ITV |
| Fiji v South Africa (women) | 05:45 | ITV |
| Harlequins v Leicester | 15:00 | BT Sport 1 |
Monday 17th October
| Saracens v London Irish | 19:45 | BT Sport 1 |
Ovally Balls 
Er, Thauma, here’s the link I mentioned. Also spelled wandered wrong. I wonder if anyone will notice?
https://www.thetravelerbutterfly.com/post/the-country-that-made-africa-dance-in-the-1980s-and-1990-s
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I obviously didn’t! Spelling and link fixed, and the small detail of attribution that I forgot also added!
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Deebs
Thanks so much – so interesting and completely divorced from current events around us
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Lovely stuff DB, I’ve always enjoyed your travelogues
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I see another chancellor has gone – three of the four shortest terms in that office have been since 2019.
The shortest died in office after 30 days.
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Words Deebs*.
* I’ll read it later.
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Hell yeah!!
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Craigs, It is quite gripping. Not as good as The Shining, but better than A Good Marriage.*
*except mine of course.
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Wee bit of rain in Wales!
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Stormers scrum is getting battered. Except in the eyes of the ref. Can’t see how they’re the ones winning penalties?
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Ticht, maybe you can explain this: Stormers got pumped in the 1st half in the scrums but ref gave them a minimum of parity. This half the Stormers are killing the Sprays and getting blown every time?
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Oh, and Eddie Jones – fuck off and develop your own talent. Tit.
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16-all in the pouring rain in Swansea. Both sides lucky to get the draw in the end. Some pretty dire conditions! Stormers would’ve wanted more but in the conditions, I’d say they’re happy enough.
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Not a lot of Union talent to be had in Tasmania, to be fair. Whats he done now ?
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Thanks Deebee, by the way. Great to travel to interesting parts vicariously.
Meanwhile :-
Hunt as chancellor. Wonder if he will pour funding into the NHS to help it recover from the mismanagement and creeping privatisation over the last few years.
Bizarrely, looking from the outside, Liz Truss actually looks and sounds far more sensible than The Buffoon, but that isn’t saying much I suppose.
Anyways, here’s Beadle’s Glaws vs Refit’s Brizz.
Jonny May, Yayyyy. Quite the back three, if anyone wants to play fast and loose.
Team News
15. Santiago Carreras
14. Louis Rees-Zammit*
13. Chris Harris
12. Giorgi Kveseladze
11. Jonny May*
10. Adam Hastings
9. Ben Meehan
1. Val Rapava-Ruskin
2. Jack Singleton
3. Fraser Balmain
4. Freddie Clarke*
5. Matias Alemanno
6. Jordy Reid
7. Lewis Ludlow (c)*
8. Ruan Ackermann
16. Santiago Socino
17. Harry Elrington
18. Ciaran Knight*
19. Cam Jordan*
20. Albert Tuisue
21. Stephen Varney*
22. Jack Reeves*
23. Lloyd Evans*
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SBT, he’s apparently tapping up Sasha Mngomezulu, the talented Stormers 10/12 because he’s got an English father and has spent a week in the UK in his life. Think we should give him 10 minutes off the bench against England in November just to give Eddie the middle finger.
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Bloody Australians.
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@SBT – I don’t think Miriam Margoyles is overly enthused by Hunt’s appointment
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Made it back home just in time for the kick-off, and TRY BALOUNCOUNE straight away!
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A penalty each, and now the Lions have scored.
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And they looked like they were in again after nicking a loose post-lineout ball off Ulster, but no.
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Lions go ahead after a penalty. Uh-oh.
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Bloody Lions score again! Mountain to climb now.
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Deebee must be hiding under the covers somewhere. Ulster in the corner and a line-out maul, and … well, there were multiple Lions infringements including a deliberate knock-on, so it’s a yellow we go for the corner again.
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TRY BURNS! (Yes, really.)
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Burns seems to be trying to prove nominative determinism (disproved by James Cleverly, obvs) as he appears to have zinc cream all over his lips.
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HT: 18-15.
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TRY Lyttle!
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Cooney makes the touchline conversion, and it’s 18-22.
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Lowry gets a 50-22! Off the corner post.
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McCLOSKEEEEYYYYY scores off the line-out!
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It was a weird one, because the Lions won the line-out ball, but then McCloskey managed to nick it and dived over.
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Conversion is good and it’s 18-29 – and the BP try.
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Ulster get into the corner again, and Doak on for Cooney.
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Penalty against Lions and another corner.
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TRY Herring!
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Lions score after a sustained attack.
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Conversion is missed. That’s a shame. :-)
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Lions score again for their BP!
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Conversion is good and it’s 30-36 in the 66th minute.
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A Doak penalty takes Ulster nine points ahead.
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Well, Lions score again but there was a clear knock-on in the run-up that didn’t get called.
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Players on both sides are cramping.
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Hooter’s gone. Ulster scrum. Two points in it. We just need to win the scrum….
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Job done!!!
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Good result for Ulster there, Thaum.
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Bloody hell! Missed the first half, saw Ulster roar away at the start of the second, popped out to get a couple of things for dinner and missed the almost comeback! Bugger! Very good win for Ulster at altitude and in the heat. It’s seriously hot in Joburg at the moment.
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I think this afternoon will be a different kettle of fish for Glasgow, so to speak.
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Ticht – and Glasgow score! We have these buggers next week.
Deebee – I thought we would lose as soon as you went ahead, then I got happy, then I got very worried again! Yes, a very good win in difficult conditions, and an entertaining match as well.
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Watching the Sharks with half an eye. Glasgow have been playing some smart, disruptive rugby and looked good ball in hand, but I think the Sharks will feel they should’ve been a bit further ahead.
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