After a week of meetings, meals and general bonhomie in Yaoundé, it was time for the drive back to Douala. Mercifully, we didn’t fly and could experience the wonders of the rainforests and music all over again. As well as the increasingly oppressive security, with the elections less than a week away by now. However, our passports were with the driver, so the looks were more of curiosity at seeing South Africans driving hell for leather around the country than anything else.
We arrived in the early afternoon and were met in the foyer of our hotel (back at Akwa Palace) by Mama Denise, the local manager of the South African Airways office to ensure that we had our tickets for the flight – it was well before the Internet and the luxury of checking in that way were around – and that our luggage would be taken care of at the airport, so we could skip the queues and head for the bar on the other side. The flight was still three or four days away, but she was a gem, wanting us to feel reassured. It’s possible Eric, our host, had paid/strongarmed her into a little show so we could see he was an important man, but that mattered little at the time – we now knew we had legitimate, I think, visas and passports, as well as flights organised.
Mama Denise was a charming lady once we got chatting, and invited us to her home for dinner that evening – a wonderful gesture, although complicated by having our bloody minders around us all the time. With nothing to do, I persuaded Eric to take us to a local market so I could buy some tapes of Manu Dibango and other artists we’d listened to whilst driving around, as well as local chocolate, raw cashew nuts, dried plantains and the other things not accessible in South Africa. Apart from the Dibango tapes, I settled for a few ‘greatest hits’ type compilations of some of the artists to be found on this lovely tribute.
The market was an assault on the senses in every way for this raw traveller – it was by turns blisteringly hot and dusty, chucking it down with hot tropical rain, and sullenly humid. Perfect for a few 33 Exports and spicy goat skewers, then. An absolute kaleidoscope of colour – bright, unabashed and vibrant – underpinned it all, but at the same time, looking with less of a touristy naivete, the lack of proper running water at the food stalls, the piles of plastic and other garbage and the lingering smells of lack of proper infrastructure told its own story of poverty and the daily grind to simply put food on tables, roofs over heads and clothes on bodies: no luxuries for the bulk of people here, just the hustle of survival from day to day, whatever your age or gender.
We got back to the hotel in the early evening, with my head still spinning from the afternoon, a million thoughts about the potential of the country, the people, the culture, the abominable political class and everything in between, to be greeted by Mama Denise, loudly telling us, with a wink unseen by the security mob, that she had reserved a table for us at the hotel restaurant for 8pm. We should all meet in the foyer at that time. Privately, she told us to be there at 7pm to evade our detail.
7pm arrived and I sauntered as casually as possible into the foyer, scanning for the security, who mercifully weren’t around. Mama Denise met us and quickly escorted me and two companions into her slightly battered Renault and we sped off into the looming evening. She drove as fast as one can through a city of faltering lights, water-covered potholes and chaotic traffic and we arrived at her home about an hour later. I have no idea where in Douala it is, or even which direction we drove in.
It was fairly modest by the standards of someone who grew up in a privileged environment in South Africa, but warm and friendly with wonderful smells coming from the kitchen. Mama Denise put on a fantastic spread for us with all the favourites I’d been enjoying over the last week on display and much, much more. Her husband and children joined us and we swapped stories and experiences way into the night, before being driven back to the hotel. What a stunning evening, with a charming family, excellent food and music, and truly enriching conversation. A perfect evening! Except for the stony-faced minders waiting at the entrance, with a sheepish Eric in tow. Mama Denise stood her ground as they aggressively demanded to know where we’d been, finishing the conversation with the most gallic of shrugs and a dismissive wave of the hand as she sped off again. Eric was angry and told us in very direct terms to not do that again. Minders pacified, we went to bed.
The following couple of days followed a similar routine as in Yaoundé, with meetings, lunches and political grandstanding. It was our final night and I was fairly exhausted from the trip, which was something I wasn’t used to. One last dinner, I thought. Fuck, wonder if I can make an excuse? But no, I tagged along to a restaurant with a karaoke bar Eric wanted us to try.
Pretty rustic, wooden tables, plastic chairs, low lighting and very basic toilet facilities (for which he kept apologising, as if it was his fault). A tropical downpour ensured we were there for the evening, with large bottles of 33 Export needing to be consumed quickly to stop them from getting warm in the tropical heat. Heaven.
A skinny, lanky and impossibly dark-skinned guy got onto the stage and introduced himself as the karaoke compere. He then played a Sinatra track as I had my back to the stage, chatting to one of our local business partners who had joined us. Problem was, Sinatra had a very Francophone accent every now and then. I looked back and saw this incredible sound coming out of this most unlikely of singers – he was pitch perfect and loving it, as were we all! A few songs in and Eric joined him on stage (again, being Cameroon, it’s quite possible this was, well, staged, for a few dollars, but hey-ho) and they sang together: Dibi Dibi Rek, a song that Ismaël Lô had released a few years before. Eric could hold a tune, for sure, but not like this kid! But the best part was watching a Cameroonian version of Laurel and Hardy belting out tunes in perfect harmony. Dinner, sublime. West Coast sole, spicy rice and plantains. Heaven.
Waking up the next morning, our last in Cameroon, I wandered down to breakfast with a sore head, but fantastic memories. We went through the motions of eating, checking out and heading to airport, me trying to absorb as much as possible still and enjoy the ambiance, Rob and Felix from Gabon complaining about everything, including Eric our fabulous host, and Nomsa from the Tourism Council, who had joined us again after not bothering for a week, dismissive of ‘dirty Africa’ and hankering after Paris.
We checked in, said our goodbyes – mine fond and lasting for years – the others perfunctory and box-ticking, and headed to the airport bar. Had a few more beers, a couple of glasses of wine, chatted briefly to a few guys I didn’t know and got on the plane back to Joburg via Kinshasa and Harare again. It was an uneventful flight, almost too calm after the last couple of weeks, but allowed time for reflection on what a magnificent place Africa is. A rollercoaster couple of weeks that instilled a love and respect for the continent that will always be in my DNA.
Postscript: Eric and I stayed in touch for years after that trip and I saw him a couple more times on trips to Cameroon, but he then moved to Europe, and I think, the States. Mama Denise retired from SAA a few years later and I never got to meet her again. Nomsa is probably in Paris telling people how dirty Africa is and that she went to a swanky school in Paris, whilst Rob and Felix got hold of me a few times asking for favours through my work, but I told them to do one.
Wanderings by Deebee7
Onna telly this week
Friday 14th October
| Ospreys v Stormers | 19:35 | BBC2 Wales / Premier Sports 2 |
| Connacht v Leinster | 19:35 | RTÉ2 / Premier Sports 1 |
| Sale v London Irish | 19:45 | BT Sport 1 |
Saturday 15th October
| Scotland v Australia (women) | 03:00 | ITV |
| USA v Japan (women) | 05:30 | ITV |
| France v England (women) | 08:00 | ITV |
| Lions v Ulster | 13:00 | Premier Sports 1 |
| Gloucester v Bristol | 15:00 | BT Sport 2 |
| Sharks v Glasgow | 15:05 | Premier Sports 1 |
| Edinburgh v Treviso | 17:15 | Premier Sports 1 |
| Cardiff v Dragons | 17:15 | Premier Sports 2 |
| Munster v Bulls | 19:35 | TG4 / Premier Sports 1 |
| Scarlets v Zebre | 19:35 | S4C / Premier Sports 2 |
Sunday 16th October
| Italy v Canada (women) | 00:45 | ITV |
| Wales v New Zealand (women) | 03:15 | ITV |
| Fiji v South Africa (women) | 05:45 | ITV |
| Harlequins v Leicester | 15:00 | BT Sport 1 |
Monday 17th October
| Saracens v London Irish | 19:45 | BT Sport 1 |
Ovally Balls 
Don’t swim in shit water is todays message.
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And the blog sinks in shitty water.
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Craigs, I think the real message should be don’t pump shit into swimming water, rather than the other way round.
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I’m watching Ldn Irish v Glaws
Henry Arundell and Johnny May both off with injuries, May’s looked worse – elbow, Arundell’s was his ankle.
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So I was joking before
https://www.theguardian.com/politics/2022/oct/21/boris-johnson-returning-to-fray-after-three-post-resignation-holidays
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Craigs, the decor in No 10 is still theirs, it would be a shame to waste it.
That’s the important thing
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btw, if anyone is interested.
I’ve been frequenting an online place called Not Planet Rugby – the Not is very important, the Planet Rugby forum is poison, I really wouldn’t recommend it, it’s fucking horrible.
Not Planet Rugby still has a bit of rough and tumble, there is a lot of South African inter-regional to and fro, but the it’s generally good craic.
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Craigs – I checked my inbox and everything, but there wasn’t a peep.
I am coming around to the opinion that Johnson being re-anointed might actually be best. Because it’s so outrageous that possibly it will force a GE.
Sunak is a disgusting Thatcherite weasel. Mordaunt is a bit of an unknown quantity, ie inexperienced, but she did perform well when taking over for Truss at the despatch box, and the last thing we need is another Tory who can convince the idiot voters that she is from a completely different party than the one who’s been in power for twelve fucking desperate years. But I don’t think she’ll get the 100 nominations anyway.
Sunak will probably win the MPs’ vote, but you know Spaffer will not step back as expected, and it will go to the party members who will elect him. What a fucking joke.
I hope I’m wrong.
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the decor in No 10 is still theirs, it would be a shame to waste it
That thought occurred to me also! But the décor is in No 11, apparently, which is bigger.
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Thaum, I remember Blair moved into 11 because they had children and it was bigger
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Oof! That was quite the drop-goal by Hastings.
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fuck, what a drop goal from Hastings !
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From inside his own half!
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Hopefully this is true
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I dropped a goal from half way once.
Not in a game unfortunately, it was at rugby practice at school
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Ticht – yes, and I think every PM since has actually occupied No 11.
Apparently I should be watching rugby.
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I saw that, refit.
I wish the Tories could think of the country first instead of their own snouts in the trough and call a GE – no chance of course
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Refit – there are movements in the Tory Party to drop the enquiry, particularly if he does end up as leader again. Outright corruption.
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Adam’s drop goal….
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BB, it will be interesting to see how this plays out between these best friends, Blair Kinghorn and Adam Hastings.
Kinghorn will get the start against Australia because it’s outside the international window, so the jersey will be his.
I expect Hastings to be in the 23 for the Fiji match the following week
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Reckon Adam is probably (just) the number one ’10’, now that Finn’s been dumped. He does have more experience there and has been playing well for Glos this season.
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That’s not how the Thistle podcast are seeing it, they were the ones who leaked the news of Finn not being in the squad and they do seem to have their nose to the ground on Scottish rugby. They see Blair Kinghorn as the first choice 10 for us, as he was in the summer.
Kinghorn is still a player learning a new position at this level, but he offers a hell of a lot, Hastings looks more comfortable atm but I think Kinghorn’s ceiling is higher. Go back a year and I think Kinghorn has improved massively, my one concern is if Toonie wants to play a percentage game then Kinghorn is not that player, if we want a fly half who kicks in behind the defence off ruck ball then Kinghorn is not the guy to do that.
If we want a guy who can spot a half yard gap and burst through it and look for the centres to carry on a swashbuckling move then Kinghorn is the guy, more so than Finn, Finn is all about putting players into space, Kinghorn is more getting himself into space and looking for the next guy to carry it on.
Kinghorn also has that hard flat pass across a defence that the top fly halves can do – Sexton is the tops at it, Finn is the same, Kinghorn is up there, I don’t remember seeing it from Hastings
Hastings was a bit of a turnstile in defence in the game tonight, and that is where Toonie has had issues with him in the recent past
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Adam’s drop goal….
The uploader has not made this video available in your country.
You utter, utter bastard, BB.
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Leinster have been very good tonight against a much-improved Munster
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I assume “The Mister” will be very happy.
Good win
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Probably – but he’s in Germany & I didn’t watch it!
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Does anyone know if that Nice Mr Claw has a Ovallyballs ‘Bru going for the Autumn Internationals?
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I’ve not seen a pool yet.
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Johnson ooot!!!
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I’m not surprised at Johnson’s volte face. He just wanted to be nominated – I’m guessing had he gotten the 100 nominations but was behind Sunak, he’d had stood down for the sake of “party unity” (aka can’t face being beaten).
I’m also sure there was an element of seeing how many creeps would support him…. not knowing he’d no intention to run… the pleasure being in seeing how they abase themselves.
I could also imagine if he had topped the nominations (a stretch) and won the party vote (believable) – he’d fix himself some exit – baronetcy he could hand on to Wilf – call a GE and stand down as MP (not chancing rejection by Ruislip voters) and let the electorate deal with the rest of it. All the while laughing as Mogg etc al. are turned out on their collective ears by vengeful voters – while taking the kudos for “letting the public decide”
You could probably plot a flow chart on the options…..
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http://email.pools.superbru.email/c/eJxFjkEOhCAMRU8jS1NaEFiwmGTiPQA7aqJiUMfrD64m6d-06fuPvey6TjsDyonBKwk2idkjIEpABYYMujalqF0ECx9U5KxpFOw5L0d7XDuXWK6W1zAvYvJICXWkKFNIHSMQ06BIS8OarFYfsfjpPPeGXg32de77_kNSXutqy19eI5d5O7ls4ZzzFpajHp7Kdp_qc1_zlqirotWi-JFLKEMFjeXiKjc-Ng_uB_vyRGo
Link to Claw’s AI superbru pool
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Link to Claw’s AI superbru pool
Think I lowered the AI level by joining. Terribly sorry (as Boris would never say).
This Tory jamboree of delusion gets more worrying by the day. Whilst it’s tempting to laugh at it from afar, apart from having lots of family and friends affected by it, it seems to be part of a growing lurch towards a lack of decency and accountability around the world.
China, India, Russia (obviously), Italy, Turkey, Sweden, Brazil (replacing an out and out fascist with a convicted fraud is being portrayed as a victory for the workers!), much of Africa and the Middle East lurching back towards autocracy or one-party systems, Australia giving you a choice between right wing and far right wing: the list is seemingly endless.
I get that during turbulent times, either economically or politically (usually a strong correlation), that populism surges, but my word, we’re seeing some ugly stuff emerge in what were decent societies.
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Trisk – if Johnson had got 100 nominations, then it would have gone to the membership to decide (unless Sunak dropped out, which seems unlikely), who would almost certainly have picked Boris.
Ergo, he didn’t get 100 nominations. No way would he have cut a luxury term-time holiday short and flown back cattle class (cattle class!) if he didn’t intend to win.
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Back on the rugby field – Munster put up a decent performance against what ended up as near full strength Leinster team – Sexton, Ryan, Sheehan played full 80 (or a near as dammit) and needed Porter to come as well. Compared to the limp end of season game last season, this was a world away.
Carbery looked more like it at 10, Crowley played well as 15, pack put themselves about. Score got away from Munster in the end….
Talking points –
#1 Frawley played 15 – looked good as a second distributor. Farrell has Frawley as 3rd choice 10 (after Sexton and Carbery) – Cullen and Lancaster don’t fancy him there for Leinster. If anything happens to Sexton or Carbery (nevermind “and”) – we’ve a 2nd choice 10 whose club won’t play him there except versus weaker teams (and even then Byrne comes on and he’s moved to 12)
#2 Jean Kleyn got a yellow – Osborne running, chips ahead, keeps running looking at his feet, Kleyn jumps to block the kick and comes down pretty much on the spot he left – Osborne looks up and runs straight into him in the air, gets clattered as Kleyn brings his arms down, Kleyn flips over and lands on his back/side
“You are the ref”… yellow for Kleyn?? (high tackle? tackling man without the ball); yellow to Osborne?? (taking man out in the air)
Somewhat like the Payne/Goode collision (player runngin full tilt into player in the air) – less like Stander / Lambie in that Kleyn goes up/down, no forward motion. If it was a lineout a player running into the player in the air would be carded. Unfortunate for Osborne that he failed HIA. I don’t think there’s any obvious ruling – you can argue it all ways (IMV)
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Ha!
Back in favour almost as quickly as Johnson fell out of same…………………..
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Sunak to be PM innit. 3 women, first POC, youngest ever PM, first Hindu etc etc. Have to hand it to the Tories. They do the diversity thing well.
Also, this demonstrates something that I’ve long held to be the case; being a fucking twat is a truly equal opportunities business.
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As part of the coalition agreement here, Martin is due to stand aside as Taoiseach in December for Varadkar so we’d have neighbouring heads of government who are of south Asian heritage (I guess that presumes Sunak can last that long…)
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Thanks Trisk! (And That Nice Mr Claw). Signed up.
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T14 ‘s not that exciting (Toulouse, LaR and the usual suspects just making hay before the AI) , few newcomers (apart from a terrific Saffer wing, Madosh Dwembey now with Bordeaux ),
I’m watching in awe the slow disintegration of the UK.
As the astoundlingly stupid BJ could’ve said, going from Charybdis into Scylla, had he understood the Greeks and Romans weren’t mere tarnish for his cheap quotations.
I still cannot understand why no British politician worth his salt does not call for a reversal of the disastrous Brexit. A true statesman leads, he does not follow the crowd.
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A true statesman leads, he does not follow the crowd.
Casts his eye wearily (and warily) around the room of leading lights in British politics and picks up his copy of Waiting for Godot. Again.
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Flair, “I still cannot understand why no British politician worth his salt does not call for a reversal of the disastrous Brexit. A true statesman leads, he does not follow the crowd.”
It’s still toxic politically. I don’t know what it’s like in France, but the media here would generate an onslaught of epic proportions if anyone near a position of power started talking truthfully about the damage Brexit has done.
The media would do that because there is a huge amount of control exerted by special interest groups acting on behalf of the likes of the tobacco and oil industries.
A BBC news presenter here who has recently stepped down from that role said that in the lead up to the referendum they could contact many economists who were forecasting doom because of Brexit, it took them hours to find someone who was in favour and yet they had to present both points of view “in the interests of balance and impartiality”
Sometimes there really aren’t two sides to an argument, like climate change and whether the earth is flat, but the BBC was forced to present it as a topic with two potential outcomes.
There is a government document, from this current government, which shows Brexit has cost £100Bn per year and is going to continue that way.
Anyway, back to the reason why no politician will touch it beyond the Green Party, when judges ruled that Johnson had illegally prorogued parliament, which was just another of Johnson’s dirty tricks, the newspapers here published photographs of the judges, labelling them “Enemies of the People”. Their judgement was solely on a point of law, but it shows the toxicity of the subject.
These same newspapers backed a Brexit that was never on the cards, we were never going to leave the single market, they were impervious to information on Northern Ireland and how difficult the transition was going to be, yet they are still hailing Boris Johnson for “getting Brexit done” – we still haven’t fully left yet and it’s a complete shit show.
I also think that many people believed that years of austerity was the fault of the EU, and that immigrants were overrunning the country because that was what that same media was telling them, the likes of Nigel Farrage hooked into a populist politics that feeds off fear and needs someone to blame, and it’s a misdirection trick.
I don’t think anyone in the major parties will be able to touch the subject of Brexit for a generation at least because the debate became so toxic that people just dug their heels in. Overwhelmingly the younger voters wanted to stay, the older ones chose Leave, as the demographic changes and these people die off there will be a chance for a change of direction, but we’ll never get the deal we had before, we’ll have to accept no rebate and a promise of adopting the Euro at some point in the future
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Flair – As the astoundlingly stupid BJ could’ve said, going from Charybdis into Scylla, had he understood the Greeks and Romans weren’t mere tarnish for his cheap quotations.
Liz Truss has just attempted to quote Seneca in her farewell address, but stumbled over his name. What a tool.
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“Liz Truss has just attempted to quote Seneca in her farewell address, but stumbled over his name. What a tool.”
Ha!
Who knew there could be such a thing as Bojo-lite?
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Been in a meeting for the last hour. Is Sunak still PM?
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like climate change and whether the earth is flat
Don’t forget ‘crater earth’ theory.
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An Italian lock just got a 12 match ban for biting in the wimins RWC. Can’t help but think that this is quite lenient. Clearly brought the best biscuits.
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I see Raab and Braverman are back in position. …
May the Lord have mercy on your souls…..
Or as Tommy Trinder – a long dead comedian – might have said “you lucky, lucky people”
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