After a week of meetings, meals and general bonhomie in Yaoundé, it was time for the drive back to Douala. Mercifully, we didn’t fly and could experience the wonders of the rainforests and music all over again. As well as the increasingly oppressive security, with the elections less than a week away by now. However, our passports were with the driver, so the looks were more of curiosity at seeing South Africans driving hell for leather around the country than anything else.
We arrived in the early afternoon and were met in the foyer of our hotel (back at Akwa Palace) by Mama Denise, the local manager of the South African Airways office to ensure that we had our tickets for the flight – it was well before the Internet and the luxury of checking in that way were around – and that our luggage would be taken care of at the airport, so we could skip the queues and head for the bar on the other side. The flight was still three or four days away, but she was a gem, wanting us to feel reassured. It’s possible Eric, our host, had paid/strongarmed her into a little show so we could see he was an important man, but that mattered little at the time – we now knew we had legitimate, I think, visas and passports, as well as flights organised.
Mama Denise was a charming lady once we got chatting, and invited us to her home for dinner that evening – a wonderful gesture, although complicated by having our bloody minders around us all the time. With nothing to do, I persuaded Eric to take us to a local market so I could buy some tapes of Manu Dibango and other artists we’d listened to whilst driving around, as well as local chocolate, raw cashew nuts, dried plantains and the other things not accessible in South Africa. Apart from the Dibango tapes, I settled for a few ‘greatest hits’ type compilations of some of the artists to be found on this lovely tribute.
The market was an assault on the senses in every way for this raw traveller – it was by turns blisteringly hot and dusty, chucking it down with hot tropical rain, and sullenly humid. Perfect for a few 33 Exports and spicy goat skewers, then. An absolute kaleidoscope of colour – bright, unabashed and vibrant – underpinned it all, but at the same time, looking with less of a touristy naivete, the lack of proper running water at the food stalls, the piles of plastic and other garbage and the lingering smells of lack of proper infrastructure told its own story of poverty and the daily grind to simply put food on tables, roofs over heads and clothes on bodies: no luxuries for the bulk of people here, just the hustle of survival from day to day, whatever your age or gender.
We got back to the hotel in the early evening, with my head still spinning from the afternoon, a million thoughts about the potential of the country, the people, the culture, the abominable political class and everything in between, to be greeted by Mama Denise, loudly telling us, with a wink unseen by the security mob, that she had reserved a table for us at the hotel restaurant for 8pm. We should all meet in the foyer at that time. Privately, she told us to be there at 7pm to evade our detail.
7pm arrived and I sauntered as casually as possible into the foyer, scanning for the security, who mercifully weren’t around. Mama Denise met us and quickly escorted me and two companions into her slightly battered Renault and we sped off into the looming evening. She drove as fast as one can through a city of faltering lights, water-covered potholes and chaotic traffic and we arrived at her home about an hour later. I have no idea where in Douala it is, or even which direction we drove in.
It was fairly modest by the standards of someone who grew up in a privileged environment in South Africa, but warm and friendly with wonderful smells coming from the kitchen. Mama Denise put on a fantastic spread for us with all the favourites I’d been enjoying over the last week on display and much, much more. Her husband and children joined us and we swapped stories and experiences way into the night, before being driven back to the hotel. What a stunning evening, with a charming family, excellent food and music, and truly enriching conversation. A perfect evening! Except for the stony-faced minders waiting at the entrance, with a sheepish Eric in tow. Mama Denise stood her ground as they aggressively demanded to know where we’d been, finishing the conversation with the most gallic of shrugs and a dismissive wave of the hand as she sped off again. Eric was angry and told us in very direct terms to not do that again. Minders pacified, we went to bed.
The following couple of days followed a similar routine as in Yaoundé, with meetings, lunches and political grandstanding. It was our final night and I was fairly exhausted from the trip, which was something I wasn’t used to. One last dinner, I thought. Fuck, wonder if I can make an excuse? But no, I tagged along to a restaurant with a karaoke bar Eric wanted us to try.
Pretty rustic, wooden tables, plastic chairs, low lighting and very basic toilet facilities (for which he kept apologising, as if it was his fault). A tropical downpour ensured we were there for the evening, with large bottles of 33 Export needing to be consumed quickly to stop them from getting warm in the tropical heat. Heaven.
A skinny, lanky and impossibly dark-skinned guy got onto the stage and introduced himself as the karaoke compere. He then played a Sinatra track as I had my back to the stage, chatting to one of our local business partners who had joined us. Problem was, Sinatra had a very Francophone accent every now and then. I looked back and saw this incredible sound coming out of this most unlikely of singers – he was pitch perfect and loving it, as were we all! A few songs in and Eric joined him on stage (again, being Cameroon, it’s quite possible this was, well, staged, for a few dollars, but hey-ho) and they sang together: Dibi Dibi Rek, a song that Ismaël Lô had released a few years before. Eric could hold a tune, for sure, but not like this kid! But the best part was watching a Cameroonian version of Laurel and Hardy belting out tunes in perfect harmony. Dinner, sublime. West Coast sole, spicy rice and plantains. Heaven.
Waking up the next morning, our last in Cameroon, I wandered down to breakfast with a sore head, but fantastic memories. We went through the motions of eating, checking out and heading to airport, me trying to absorb as much as possible still and enjoy the ambiance, Rob and Felix from Gabon complaining about everything, including Eric our fabulous host, and Nomsa from the Tourism Council, who had joined us again after not bothering for a week, dismissive of ‘dirty Africa’ and hankering after Paris.
We checked in, said our goodbyes – mine fond and lasting for years – the others perfunctory and box-ticking, and headed to the airport bar. Had a few more beers, a couple of glasses of wine, chatted briefly to a few guys I didn’t know and got on the plane back to Joburg via Kinshasa and Harare again. It was an uneventful flight, almost too calm after the last couple of weeks, but allowed time for reflection on what a magnificent place Africa is. A rollercoaster couple of weeks that instilled a love and respect for the continent that will always be in my DNA.
Postscript: Eric and I stayed in touch for years after that trip and I saw him a couple more times on trips to Cameroon, but he then moved to Europe, and I think, the States. Mama Denise retired from SAA a few years later and I never got to meet her again. Nomsa is probably in Paris telling people how dirty Africa is and that she went to a swanky school in Paris, whilst Rob and Felix got hold of me a few times asking for favours through my work, but I told them to do one.
Wanderings by Deebee7
Onna telly this week
Friday 14th October
| Ospreys v Stormers | 19:35 | BBC2 Wales / Premier Sports 2 |
| Connacht v Leinster | 19:35 | RTÉ2 / Premier Sports 1 |
| Sale v London Irish | 19:45 | BT Sport 1 |
Saturday 15th October
| Scotland v Australia (women) | 03:00 | ITV |
| USA v Japan (women) | 05:30 | ITV |
| France v England (women) | 08:00 | ITV |
| Lions v Ulster | 13:00 | Premier Sports 1 |
| Gloucester v Bristol | 15:00 | BT Sport 2 |
| Sharks v Glasgow | 15:05 | Premier Sports 1 |
| Edinburgh v Treviso | 17:15 | Premier Sports 1 |
| Cardiff v Dragons | 17:15 | Premier Sports 2 |
| Munster v Bulls | 19:35 | TG4 / Premier Sports 1 |
| Scarlets v Zebre | 19:35 | S4C / Premier Sports 2 |
Sunday 16th October
| Italy v Canada (women) | 00:45 | ITV |
| Wales v New Zealand (women) | 03:15 | ITV |
| Fiji v South Africa (women) | 05:45 | ITV |
| Harlequins v Leicester | 15:00 | BT Sport 1 |
Monday 17th October
| Saracens v London Irish | 19:45 | BT Sport 1 |
Ovally Balls 
Fun first half of Glaws and Chiefs. 19-17 to Gloucester.
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Your second string lads are doing really well, BB, they’re battering Benetton’s second string, 32 – 0 on 58 minutes
Benetton aren’t in this at all
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Revenge Ticht! Mind you the away game was Smith’s first (second if you count a friendly against Ayrshire Bulls) game in charge. He’s had a bit of time now. We were very impressive against the Bulls in our last home game. If he can just fix the away form…
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Oh, that was a lovely line break by LRZ, then out the back door to Ludlow to score.
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37 – 0 at the end, Glasgow were a class apart.
Cancelliere on the wing and Miotti at fly half were very good.
Berghan came on and destroyed the Italian scrum, big time
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Gloucester worthy winners. First half was close. Second half wasn’t.
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Top game Gloucester.
Exeter are going to struggle without all their internationals now.
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Slade – what’s happened to your avatar?!
I am feeling the urge to book a holiday for something to look forward to. Has to be somewhere we can drive to with the dog. Never been to the south of France.
When does the weather start getting nice (ie upper teens), and are there any particular areas you can recommend? We like more secluded type of places, not busy or touristy.
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… But there has to be good food available!
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Thaum, right across the Pyrenees is good, from Atlantic to Mediterranean coasts. Lots of market days for fresh food, many historical towns and places to visit, Château de Montségur, Carcasonne ( this is rebuilt and a bit of a folly, it’s still gorgeous though), Mirepoix is beautiful, late March would be when the snows go from lower down as far as I recall.
The difference between Basque and Occitan is huge, in rugby terms the rivalry is fierce, I loved playing there for that reason.
Andorra is very touristy, but go a wee bit east from there and the border gets very hazy, the people are neither French not Spanish really, more Cerdagne
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See if Slade does Air bnb in his woodshed ?
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France just hammered Italy 39-3 in the Women’s World Cup. It was only 10-3 at the break, but France always looked to strong, too polished and too organised and it told in the end.
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Japan-ABs has started at a furious pace. 0-0 after 9 minutes, but Kiwis have a 5m scrum under the posts. Injury break, naturally.
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Great escape! Sototu goes off the back but spills it in the tackle with the line beckoning, and Japan clear. And whilst I was typing that, big Brodie goes over for the try.
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0-7 with the kick.
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All Black scrum getting a bit of early ascendancy, Japan a bit stretched but scrambling well so far. Using the boot effectively.
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Japan on the attack and have a penalty in front, just outside the 22 for a ruck infringement. Going for posts. Nailed it. 3-7 just before the 20 minute mark.
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Turnover penalty at the breakdown and the ABs kick it into Japan’s 22. Maul sacked illegally but Ennor bursts through on the advantage! Held up superbly over the line, so back for the advantage and another lineout 5m from the line.
Japan counterruck excellently, but another penalty to New Zealand close to the line. Dam wall is creaking. They’re taking the scrum, expect a penalty try and a card. No! They go quickly off the back and initially Japan defend it superbly, with fast and aggressive tackling,but the Kiwis keep calm, recycle through a couple of phases and have numbers out wide. Not sure what they’re checking for.
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Possible forward pass. Nope, all good. 3-14
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Japan take it through the hands beautifully, making it into the Kiwi 22, but then go for the Hail Mary cross kick, when just recycling would’ve been better. Kiwis have a scrum and it’s messy, but Japan cop a penalty from it and ABs clear. The new midfield pairing has been quite good from New Zealand.
Lineout thrown into midfield, Kiwis gather, inside flick to Sevu Rees and he’s away. 3-21. Thought they could’ve looked at that pass which was ‘flat’ at best.
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Try Japan! They turn it over inside their own 22 after waves of Kiwi pressure, get it moving and a dink through is knocked on by the Kiwi defender. Japan kick it through and gather to score. They needed that. Excellent conversion from out wide. 10-21 with three to the break.
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Penalty Japan and they kick to touch inside the Kiwi half. Fuck me! If thus try stands it’s crazy good! They kept it alive with some excellent passes and drives, until an attempted grubber seemed to have backfired, but regathered and through some lovely hands and over! Super stuff! Conversion is good! 17-21 at the break and Japan roared back in the last five minutes or so!
What’s it like conceding 14 points just before the break, New Zealand?
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Missed the first 10 minutes of the 2nd half, but both sides have scored converted tries! 24-28. And a concerted period opine battering sees Sototu twist his way overextended to the posts. 24-35, Kiwis stretching the lead again.
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Red for Rentaghost, hitting a Japan player in the back of the neck/head with his shoulder, at a ruck.
I guess that’s him done for the tour?
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Japan pinged at the scrum again, but Kiwis miss the touch finder and Japan clear. From the lineout Kiwis go wide and there’s almost an intercept! Would’ve been gone. But they’re checking for potential foul play and Retallick will be lucky to play again this tour. Headbutt to the neck of the player in the ruck. Less than a red will be an outrage. I’ve no commentary on my dodgy stream so don’t know what they’re saying. Yep, red. All day.
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@Deebee – there was a wonderful charge-down, regather & try by the Japan 4.
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Spot on Refit. I’ll hand over duties now – my feed is slow anyway. Can Japan capitalise and chalk up a famous win?
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@Deebee – Justin Marshall was doing his best to advocate for a yellow. “I thought if the hit player wasn’t really hurt, that’s a mitigating factor?” was actually one of his arguments.
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Japan poke a ball into the NZ half, Mo’unga gathers but it tackled. He doesn’t release the ball before getting up and it’s penalty. Japan stick it in the corner, do a cute move off the top and make it to the line. A pick & go takes them over the line.
Despite the attempts of Marius Jonker, the try stands and it’s a 4 point game 31-35 with a minute & a half left.
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Japan are pushed back from the restart and NZ manage to win a penalty. Mo’unga kicks the points and that’s the match.
Final score 31-38
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Ah, bugger! Great effort from Japan. Huge scare for New Zealand and surely without Retallick for the rest of the tour. Not sure who they have next up, but they’ll need to step up a ouple of notches. That said, nobody else plays quite the style Japan does and it really rattled the Kiwis.
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1-0 to the Southern Hemisphere though.
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Thaum, there is a big difference in terms of weather between western and eastern France, even in the South. The West will be usually wetter and colder, due to the strong influence of the Atlantic ocean. Provence in April would be a good choice. But Dordogne could be equally nice. Good food can be found everywhere.
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ABs lucky there, well played Japan. Only seen highlights, but 2 of NZ tries could have reasonably been chalked off.
Glaws Exeter was a cracking game yesterday, some unbelievable defence by the Cherry and Whites, and Zammo looks on fire. Cracking return from BFB too, massive tackle count, everything he does is well thought out.
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Cheers, Flair!
Good food can be found everywhere.
Y’know, I realised that was a stupid thing to even mention after I posted.
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LIR 5 just shouldered a Quins player in the chin, fully upright in the tackle. They’ve mitigated it down as “low level”, and just a yellow, because the player kept running?!
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Here we go.
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TRY Ulster! (I missed it. No conversion.)
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Bloody South Africans, coming in to our team and committing foul play. Vermeulen lucky to get away with a penalty.
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In the only game that matters tonight…..
‘MON SCOTLAND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And well done Amazon – can’t hear the commentators. Normally that isn’t a problem, but it’s Cotter. Can hear the bloody adverts though.
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TRY Stewart!
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Conversion just missed. 3-10.
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Good, I can hear him now.
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Munster get a penalty into Ulster’s 22, but overthrow the line-out and Ulster come away with the ball.
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YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Not being able to hear Cotter is indeed a tragedy. Glad they’ve fixed it.
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First try to Scotland. Ollie Smith on his day-boooo. A couple of lovely steps to get over the line.
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Suspect I clicked something wrong at the start Thaum. Still, I’ll blame Amazon.
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Some lovely play by Munster, but they give away a penalty in Ulster’s 22.
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I would blame Amazon.
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