After a week of meetings, meals and general bonhomie in Yaoundé, it was time for the drive back to Douala. Mercifully, we didn’t fly and could experience the wonders of the rainforests and music all over again. As well as the increasingly oppressive security, with the elections less than a week away by now. However, our passports were with the driver, so the looks were more of curiosity at seeing South Africans driving hell for leather around the country than anything else.
We arrived in the early afternoon and were met in the foyer of our hotel (back at Akwa Palace) by Mama Denise, the local manager of the South African Airways office to ensure that we had our tickets for the flight – it was well before the Internet and the luxury of checking in that way were around – and that our luggage would be taken care of at the airport, so we could skip the queues and head for the bar on the other side. The flight was still three or four days away, but she was a gem, wanting us to feel reassured. It’s possible Eric, our host, had paid/strongarmed her into a little show so we could see he was an important man, but that mattered little at the time – we now knew we had legitimate, I think, visas and passports, as well as flights organised.
Mama Denise was a charming lady once we got chatting, and invited us to her home for dinner that evening – a wonderful gesture, although complicated by having our bloody minders around us all the time. With nothing to do, I persuaded Eric to take us to a local market so I could buy some tapes of Manu Dibango and other artists we’d listened to whilst driving around, as well as local chocolate, raw cashew nuts, dried plantains and the other things not accessible in South Africa. Apart from the Dibango tapes, I settled for a few ‘greatest hits’ type compilations of some of the artists to be found on this lovely tribute.
The market was an assault on the senses in every way for this raw traveller – it was by turns blisteringly hot and dusty, chucking it down with hot tropical rain, and sullenly humid. Perfect for a few 33 Exports and spicy goat skewers, then. An absolute kaleidoscope of colour – bright, unabashed and vibrant – underpinned it all, but at the same time, looking with less of a touristy naivete, the lack of proper running water at the food stalls, the piles of plastic and other garbage and the lingering smells of lack of proper infrastructure told its own story of poverty and the daily grind to simply put food on tables, roofs over heads and clothes on bodies: no luxuries for the bulk of people here, just the hustle of survival from day to day, whatever your age or gender.
We got back to the hotel in the early evening, with my head still spinning from the afternoon, a million thoughts about the potential of the country, the people, the culture, the abominable political class and everything in between, to be greeted by Mama Denise, loudly telling us, with a wink unseen by the security mob, that she had reserved a table for us at the hotel restaurant for 8pm. We should all meet in the foyer at that time. Privately, she told us to be there at 7pm to evade our detail.
7pm arrived and I sauntered as casually as possible into the foyer, scanning for the security, who mercifully weren’t around. Mama Denise met us and quickly escorted me and two companions into her slightly battered Renault and we sped off into the looming evening. She drove as fast as one can through a city of faltering lights, water-covered potholes and chaotic traffic and we arrived at her home about an hour later. I have no idea where in Douala it is, or even which direction we drove in.
It was fairly modest by the standards of someone who grew up in a privileged environment in South Africa, but warm and friendly with wonderful smells coming from the kitchen. Mama Denise put on a fantastic spread for us with all the favourites I’d been enjoying over the last week on display and much, much more. Her husband and children joined us and we swapped stories and experiences way into the night, before being driven back to the hotel. What a stunning evening, with a charming family, excellent food and music, and truly enriching conversation. A perfect evening! Except for the stony-faced minders waiting at the entrance, with a sheepish Eric in tow. Mama Denise stood her ground as they aggressively demanded to know where we’d been, finishing the conversation with the most gallic of shrugs and a dismissive wave of the hand as she sped off again. Eric was angry and told us in very direct terms to not do that again. Minders pacified, we went to bed.
The following couple of days followed a similar routine as in Yaoundé, with meetings, lunches and political grandstanding. It was our final night and I was fairly exhausted from the trip, which was something I wasn’t used to. One last dinner, I thought. Fuck, wonder if I can make an excuse? But no, I tagged along to a restaurant with a karaoke bar Eric wanted us to try.
Pretty rustic, wooden tables, plastic chairs, low lighting and very basic toilet facilities (for which he kept apologising, as if it was his fault). A tropical downpour ensured we were there for the evening, with large bottles of 33 Export needing to be consumed quickly to stop them from getting warm in the tropical heat. Heaven.
A skinny, lanky and impossibly dark-skinned guy got onto the stage and introduced himself as the karaoke compere. He then played a Sinatra track as I had my back to the stage, chatting to one of our local business partners who had joined us. Problem was, Sinatra had a very Francophone accent every now and then. I looked back and saw this incredible sound coming out of this most unlikely of singers – he was pitch perfect and loving it, as were we all! A few songs in and Eric joined him on stage (again, being Cameroon, it’s quite possible this was, well, staged, for a few dollars, but hey-ho) and they sang together: Dibi Dibi Rek, a song that Ismaël Lô had released a few years before. Eric could hold a tune, for sure, but not like this kid! But the best part was watching a Cameroonian version of Laurel and Hardy belting out tunes in perfect harmony. Dinner, sublime. West Coast sole, spicy rice and plantains. Heaven.
Waking up the next morning, our last in Cameroon, I wandered down to breakfast with a sore head, but fantastic memories. We went through the motions of eating, checking out and heading to airport, me trying to absorb as much as possible still and enjoy the ambiance, Rob and Felix from Gabon complaining about everything, including Eric our fabulous host, and Nomsa from the Tourism Council, who had joined us again after not bothering for a week, dismissive of ‘dirty Africa’ and hankering after Paris.
We checked in, said our goodbyes – mine fond and lasting for years – the others perfunctory and box-ticking, and headed to the airport bar. Had a few more beers, a couple of glasses of wine, chatted briefly to a few guys I didn’t know and got on the plane back to Joburg via Kinshasa and Harare again. It was an uneventful flight, almost too calm after the last couple of weeks, but allowed time for reflection on what a magnificent place Africa is. A rollercoaster couple of weeks that instilled a love and respect for the continent that will always be in my DNA.
Postscript: Eric and I stayed in touch for years after that trip and I saw him a couple more times on trips to Cameroon, but he then moved to Europe, and I think, the States. Mama Denise retired from SAA a few years later and I never got to meet her again. Nomsa is probably in Paris telling people how dirty Africa is and that she went to a swanky school in Paris, whilst Rob and Felix got hold of me a few times asking for favours through my work, but I told them to do one.
Wanderings by Deebee7
Onna telly this week
Friday 14th October
| Ospreys v Stormers | 19:35 | BBC2 Wales / Premier Sports 2 |
| Connacht v Leinster | 19:35 | RTÉ2 / Premier Sports 1 |
| Sale v London Irish | 19:45 | BT Sport 1 |
Saturday 15th October
| Scotland v Australia (women) | 03:00 | ITV |
| USA v Japan (women) | 05:30 | ITV |
| France v England (women) | 08:00 | ITV |
| Lions v Ulster | 13:00 | Premier Sports 1 |
| Gloucester v Bristol | 15:00 | BT Sport 2 |
| Sharks v Glasgow | 15:05 | Premier Sports 1 |
| Edinburgh v Treviso | 17:15 | Premier Sports 1 |
| Cardiff v Dragons | 17:15 | Premier Sports 2 |
| Munster v Bulls | 19:35 | TG4 / Premier Sports 1 |
| Scarlets v Zebre | 19:35 | S4C / Premier Sports 2 |
Sunday 16th October
| Italy v Canada (women) | 00:45 | ITV |
| Wales v New Zealand (women) | 03:15 | ITV |
| Fiji v South Africa (women) | 05:45 | ITV |
| Harlequins v Leicester | 15:00 | BT Sport 1 |
Monday 17th October
| Saracens v London Irish | 19:45 | BT Sport 1 |
Ovally Balls 
Well, every time Munster get into Ulster’s 22, they fuck up. Yay!
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TRY ? Ulster.
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Nope, sadly Doak knocked the ball on off the back of the ruck just before.
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Munster lucky to get away with a yellow after head contact. Looked to me like he pushed up into the head.
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And TRY Hume!
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Doak misses again! Unheard of! 3-15 at HT.
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Bloody typical. We have a penalty in front of the posts, don’t take it, bugger about on the Wobblies line, give away a penalty and end up in our own half. Australia have a penalty in front of the posts, take it and go into halftime in the lead. 5-6.
Perhaps a lack of confidence in Kinghorn as a kicker?
Not been a great game so far. We’ve had the best bit of attacking play and scored the try. Apart from that our defence has been good.
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Blinding Blair in for try 2!!!!
Never doubted him….
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KInghorn doesn’t have a lack of confidence on the punt though. He puts boot to a loose ball, kicks again and gather the ball to dive over the line.
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Munster creeping up on penalties. 9-15 now.
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You know what, it’s nice watching a match without Dayglo on comms.
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Shit, yellow for Iz.
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Could be trouble here. Clear out from Scotland hit Aus player – looks like contact with head.
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Yeah, I think that’s a red.
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Ref saying bicep to head not shoulder. Yellow not red.
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Top tip for all rugby players – just clothesline your opponents with your arm, not your shoulder, then you’ll never get a red card.
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Munster try? Surely a forward pass.
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I do love the “yeah, but he’s a big bloke. He can’t hit him anywhere else but the head and that’s just unfair” argument. They never seem to consider ‘just don’t hit him’. 🤦♂️🤦♂️🤦♂️
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Oh well, just me then. Conversion bounces off the posts and it’s 14-15.
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Ulster get a penalty in front of the posts and elect to go to the corner. Fine. But Burns fucks up the kick – I’m not sure it even went forward – and Munster win the ball. Munster scrum.
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Ulster win the ball back after the clock goes red! Vermeulen has redeemed himself.
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Kinghorn for the win?
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No. That’s why we need a proper kicker at 10.
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Kinhorn misses a penalty with seconds left on the clock and Aus win 15-16.
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Ouch. Well, Scotland lost that, I am afraid to say.
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Bugger. Not sure either side really deserved to win that.
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Two very close games!
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Where is Ticht, ranting about Toonie after a couple of bottles of hi end boutique beer and a few wee drams of 40 year old laphroaig ? Or is that reserved for the Six Nations ?
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Ticht, saw these two earlier in the year, really good couple of musicians. The blonde one signed my cd, she’s got a wicked twinkle in her eye. The other sister Eleanor end her other half Chris Masterson have been touring with Steve Earle and the Dukes as part of the band for 12 years.
Love their intra song banter. ” This ones called Learning to Fly. Everyone asks if its a metaphor for getting high, or self discovery or some other crap. Nope, it’s about learning to fly, dad was a Navy Pilot and we both got pilots licenses .”
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Provence in April would be a good choice
Would like to remind everyone that it snowed in Provence in April this year.
Food was, indeed, good.
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Craig, many people conflate Provence with Côte d’Azur. But Provence covers mostly a mountainous area, the southern part of the Alps, all the way up to 3400m. Snow can be expected in many parts of the region until Spring.
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Goode try by Sarries.
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SBT, I didn’t see the game yesterday due to family commitments.
I watched it earlier today, very disappointing I have to say, definitely one that got away for us
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Cardiff’s maul is good this week, Edinburgh look to be more dangerous ball in had, but that maul is killing us
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Good win for Embra. At least some Scots teams can hold onto a lead….
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@Thaum
General consensus is that Vermeulen and Fekitoa should have seen red. My 16 yo son was adamant that Fekitoa should have been sent off – as a player at U18.5 he’s more conscious than most of the danger of high tackles.
Overall, Munster had no answer to Ulster maul in 1st half …..2nd half they dealt with it better….showed some learning.
1pt loss – disappointing but starting locks were 19 and 23. Back row had 2 players 22, 23. Playing 3rd and 4th choice 9s…. injury list and players with Ireland and Ireland ‘A’ means team was mix of raw youth and veterans….
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Flair – the people in Gigondas were fairly surprised tbh. Had a good time though!
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Matt Dawson’s birthday today. Have a great day everyone!!
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Thinking I should ditch the sad Launchbury look. But what to do?
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Thinking I should ditch the sad Launchbury look. But what to do?
Go for Happy Matt Dawson!
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Ireland not gonna be left wondering in the cricket! Chasing an imposing 180 to win, they’re 18/1 after 2 overs, with two massive sixes in the bank already. At this rate, they will be 180/10 after their 20 overs and win, although I haven’t worked out how they would score the winning run and lose a wicket at the same time.
Oh dear, scrap all that. Two wickets in three balls and Ireland are all at sea.
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Getting worse at a helluva rate! Now 29/5, having lost five wickets for seven runs in thirteen balls. Ouch!
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Nothing happened in the cricket for an hour. Plus ca change.
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Ireland have made it to 136/9 with Lorcan Tucker tucking in – he’s on 71 off 48 balls, but stranded at the non-strikers end watching numbers 10 and 11 get out and miss the ball respectively. And then Little gets bat to ball and sneaks a single off the last ball of the over, to keep strike and with that, end any hopes of a remarkable victory. Then gets himself run out trying to farm the strike back to Tucker. That was a superb solo effort by Tucker!
Mitchell Starc started with a double-wicket maiden and went for 43 without further success in his next three overs.
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I’m hoping that this isn’t one of those no smoke without fire scenarios….
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Well that killed the conversation! I have nothing to add.
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Matt HanCOCK has lost the Tory whip and it’s not gone down well (Karl) in his constituency either:
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Squads in. England centres anyone ?
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