Location: World Rugby’s Secret Mobile Headquarters
Attendees: The ‘Independent Judicial Committee’ (three Aussies), Owen Farrell and a high-priced lawyer, Richard Smith KC.
IJC3: Right, cobbers, let’s get started. The arvo’s wasting away. But we think matey’s got kangaroos loose in the top paddock.
Farrell [hanging head, looking penitent]: I’ve brought some refreshments for everyone.
IJC1: Good on ya! Let’s see what you have.
Farrell: I baked these biscuits myself. Well … a mate did.
IJC2: Choccy chip! Our favourite! Mate, these have an unusual and rather pungent flavour, but they’re bloody good. [Munching ensues.]
Farrell: Bit of Australian wine to wash it down, too.
IJC2: Cab Sav! Our favourite! [Slurping ensues.]
Smith [looking at watch, smiling, and counting the ka-ching in fifteen-minute intervals]: My dear chaps, I’m afraid this has all been the most dreadful misunderstanding. Poor Owen has been the victim of the most scurrilous campaign by internet trolls determined to do him down. I’m sure that once you consider that the RFU is the richest and most powerful union in the sport, and that Mr Farrell is key to their success, that you will reverse this terrible ‘bunker’ [said with great distaste] decision.
IJC1: Mate, we’re facking famished. Pass those biccies over again. [Giggles.]
Smith: Please, gentlemen, take your time. Some more, erm, Cab Sav? Delighted to pour for you.
IJC2: Good on ya!
Smith [after a fifteen-minute pause for chewing and slurping]: Shall we review the evidence, gents? If you watch closely, you will see that another player interferes with the trajectory of the tackled player, and that therefore the sad collision couldn’t be avoided by my client.
IJC3 [A vegan who has abstained from the biccies]: That’s not really what happened, mate, and besides, there is no attempt made to wrap the arms. Let’s watch the video.
IJC1: Ahhh ha ha, look at that drongo going down!
IJC2 [weeping with laughter]: what a bogan! Your boy’s just a bit of a larrikin.
Smith: Gentlemen, have another biscuit. Do we have majority agreement that the red card should be rescinded?
IJCs1&2: No worries! [Tittering.]
[IJC3 bangs head on desk.]
Farrell: Just wait till my dad hears of this persecution.
Onna telly this weekend
Friday 18th August
| Bayonne v Toulouse | 20:00 | Viaplay2 |
Saturday 19th August
| Racing 92 v Bordeaux | 13:00 | Viaplay2 |
| Leinster v Ulster (women) | 13:00 | iPlayer / TG4 |
| Wales v South Africa | 15:15 | Prime Video |
| Munster v Connacht (women) | 15:15 | TG4 |
| Lyon v Toulon | 17:30 | Viaplay |
| Ireland v England | 17:30 | RTÉ2 / Prime Video |
| Italy v Romania | 17:30 | Prime Video |
| Montpellier v La Rochelle | 20:00 | Viaplay |
| France v Fiji | 20:05 | Prime Video |
Ovally Balls 
What a Webb of lies we weave, when with pills we do deceive.
*Innocent until proven guilty, of course.
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At the airport in Nairobi waiting to board our flight home. Been a helluva two weeks. Loved (almost) every minute of it, but hard work too. Can’t wait to sleep in my own bed tomorrow morning. Can’t believe we’re also only 8 days or so from the World Cup!
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At the airport in Nairobi would be an excellent song lyric. It’s got rhythm and mystery.
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Exeter have named 2 XVs for a half and half friendly with Bristol at the weekend.
No mention of our Henry – perhaps he’s on England standby / in cotton wool??
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Slade stunner stalls sequence………………..
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Praps he’s off having a few beer on a fishing trip…….
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…………………….shocker!
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I’m getting nervous about next weekend already. I need a beer.
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France just lost a fifth major player. After Jelonch, Baille, Ntamack and Danty , it’s now Willemse who’s definitely out.
Baille Jelonch and Danty might make it in the latter stages but I’m much less confident than I was a month ago. And the games haven’t started yet! Ach…
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That’s a shame, Flair. But you have plenty of depth. I’m still afraid of you!
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ps I haven’t had a chance to do anything with the materials you sent me yet.
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… I am working on it. Post tomorrow!
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Willemse’s replacement , Chalureau, is an average T14 player, with anger issues. Penalty machine basically. But he’s he only one with enough ballast with Tao. And Tao is only a finisher.
So in a way Willemse was a more important player for France than Ntamack.
Depth? My eye .
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So what are the pricks sliding by aside the appalling construction controversy ? Is this purely to cover up the RFU disaster ? Boris, where are you know to help us with the RAQ disaster ?
Lordy, lefty liberals covering up eco conco disaster ?
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Fuck the RFU, fuck the journalists, fuck the coaches if need be, Ellis, this is for you.
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Flair, saw the news on Willemse. Really bad luck for him.
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France seem to be suffering more than most with injuries, maybe Mr. Edwards is training them too hard with full contact defence practice? Danty probably the biggest worry, on form he is the best in the world.
Apologies for slightly drunken attempt to rouse the English squad, assuming they are logged in. Watched the loss to Fiji again in some form of masochistic frenzy, and decided that they need to put some more sugar in their tea, or something. It’s not that England played that badly, it’s just that there seems to be absolutely no enthusiasm , or get up and go. They all appear to be on some kind of sedative, and are taking every play apart mentally while they are doing it, being so fretful about being correct that they can’t see the wood for the trees. There is nothing joyful or urgent or naturally polished about anything they do. and of course, Fiji played out of their skins, full of comittment and desire.
Roll on next Friday.
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SBT – I suspected you might have taken some refreshment! Have a new post to console you.
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