Location: World Rugby’s Secret Mobile Headquarters
Attendees: The ‘Independent Judicial Committee’ (three Aussies), Owen Farrell and a high-priced lawyer, Richard Smith KC.
IJC3: Right, cobbers, let’s get started. The arvo’s wasting away. But we think matey’s got kangaroos loose in the top paddock.
Farrell [hanging head, looking penitent]: I’ve brought some refreshments for everyone.
IJC1: Good on ya! Let’s see what you have.
Farrell: I baked these biscuits myself. Well … a mate did.
IJC2: Choccy chip! Our favourite! Mate, these have an unusual and rather pungent flavour, but they’re bloody good. [Munching ensues.]
Farrell: Bit of Australian wine to wash it down, too.
IJC2: Cab Sav! Our favourite! [Slurping ensues.]
Smith [looking at watch, smiling, and counting the ka-ching in fifteen-minute intervals]: My dear chaps, I’m afraid this has all been the most dreadful misunderstanding. Poor Owen has been the victim of the most scurrilous campaign by internet trolls determined to do him down. I’m sure that once you consider that the RFU is the richest and most powerful union in the sport, and that Mr Farrell is key to their success, that you will reverse this terrible ‘bunker’ [said with great distaste] decision.
IJC1: Mate, we’re facking famished. Pass those biccies over again. [Giggles.]
Smith: Please, gentlemen, take your time. Some more, erm, Cab Sav? Delighted to pour for you.
IJC2: Good on ya!
Smith [after a fifteen-minute pause for chewing and slurping]: Shall we review the evidence, gents? If you watch closely, you will see that another player interferes with the trajectory of the tackled player, and that therefore the sad collision couldn’t be avoided by my client.
IJC3 [A vegan who has abstained from the biccies]: That’s not really what happened, mate, and besides, there is no attempt made to wrap the arms. Let’s watch the video.
IJC1: Ahhh ha ha, look at that drongo going down!
IJC2 [weeping with laughter]: what a bogan! Your boy’s just a bit of a larrikin.
Smith: Gentlemen, have another biscuit. Do we have majority agreement that the red card should be rescinded?
IJCs1&2: No worries! [Tittering.]
[IJC3 bangs head on desk.]
Farrell: Just wait till my dad hears of this persecution.
Onna telly this weekend
Friday 18th August
| Bayonne v Toulouse | 20:00 | Viaplay2 |
Saturday 19th August
| Racing 92 v Bordeaux | 13:00 | Viaplay2 |
| Leinster v Ulster (women) | 13:00 | iPlayer / TG4 |
| Wales v South Africa | 15:15 | Prime Video |
| Munster v Connacht (women) | 15:15 | TG4 |
| Lyon v Toulon | 17:30 | Viaplay |
| Ireland v England | 17:30 | RTÉ2 / Prime Video |
| Italy v Romania | 17:30 | Prime Video |
| Montpellier v La Rochelle | 20:00 | Viaplay |
| France v Fiji | 20:05 | Prime Video |
Ovally Balls 
And another! Bloody right too! Take the scrum! What? Surely if you’ve got a two man advantage 5m out, you scrum them?
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Tonight’s game is free on Sky sports mix if you have access to it
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TMO check, looks like Marx was held over the line. Also checking something Whitelock might have done.
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Excellent work by Mo’unga, getting under the ball. Whitelock is fine too.
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I do like how honest Carley is – “On-field decision is ‘not sure'”.
SA finally get a score, Kolisi gets over the line.
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At least it was an ‘easy’ kick for Libbok – although it was still a bit squint and the ABs were tearing out at him.
7-0 20mins
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ABs get a pen following the restart and Mo’unga hits the post.
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1/3 of the pitch advantage for a scrum penalty!
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S.Barrett back on.
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ABs back to full strength.
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Looks like Lomax got trampled and his knee has been opened up.
OUCH!
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Bugger! Need those passes to stick!
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Thaum – briefly saw a full outline of studs on his knee.
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Yeeeeees! Kurt-Lee Arendse you beauty! And Libbok adds the extras!
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Arendse grabs a J.Barrett offload and canters under the posts.
14-0 35mins.
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Telea gathers the restart and makes it into the SA 22, but then they’re pinged for holding on. That’s 10 pens by the ABs.
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Maybe the ABs are lulling us all into a false sense of security.
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*By ‘all’, I mean France, SA, Scotland, Ireland.
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Second yellow for S.Barrett – reckless entry into a ruck.
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Scott Barrett red carded for a head shot on Marx. Second yellow, so red.
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Holy fuck. It sounds like the ABs have lost their invisibility cloak.
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Deebee – it didn’t look like it was to the head, more to the body. Still shite play.
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So, by ‘all’ you mean one half of the draw?
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Telea is something else! The Boks really didn’t want to concede there. Great continuity by the Kiwis.
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No try! Nothing going the Kiwis way tonight!
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Good lord, NZ seems to be playing with 14 Sonny-Bills on the pitch – offloads all over the place. They get the ball to Will Jordan, who’s lurking on the wrong wing and scores….scrapped for a knock-on by Telea. They had pen advantage anyway.
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Boks on a card warning now and Mo’unga puts it in the corner.
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Deebs – yes.
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Good half, even if we didn’t really click behind the pack. When were the Kiwis last nilled after 40? Possibly the 2019 semi?
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Eben steals the lineout and Libbok puts it down the centre of the pitch. A bit of ping-pong and Faf makes the executive decision to end the half.
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Possibly the 2019 semi?
Ahem. I’d like to remind you that this is a family notablog*.
*Obviously not.
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Refit, he made head contact albeit not first. Dumb. Not sure if he faces a ban for that? A pretty disastrous 40 for the All Blacks, except that they defended superbly. Looked good ball in hand when they got chances.
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Scott Barrett’s second yellow is still a yellow, after review.
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From what you’ve said (and thanks for the commentary), I think I’d rather face the ABs than France at the QFs, should we get there. Which probably means having to win the pool.
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Yes please! Marx almost embarrassed that he didn’t have to batter anyone to get over the line there!
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Beauden shanks a cross kick into touch, from the restart. SA lineout inside the 22 and Marx gets a run against Smith to score in the corner.
Libbok gets the extras. 21-0
Marx is now the highest scoring SA forward.
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Nothing is going right for the ABs. Beauden puts in a cross kick, Willemse gathers, but is tackled. The ABs counter-ruck really well, and the ball squirts out. ABs can’t pick it up, Moodie gathers it and runs in to score.
It’s scratched – SA 13 is ruled offside in the build-up.
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SA have changed 7 forwards.
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Moodie scores a peach, but chalked off for being offside. Bugger! Boks ringing the changes. Only PS Du Toit left of the starting forwards!
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Only PSdT stayed.
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7-1 split on the bench?!!!
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Jordan somehow threw a forward pass, from behind his back. Lads got skillz.
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Munster 2nd row on for the Boks!
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Taimati Williams (on for de Groot) has some…interesting hair.
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PSdT in trouble for contact to Cane’s head. Yellow and review.
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They need to make the chairs they sit on smaller – proper ‘naughty step’ style.
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Amazing ” friendly” game, warm up as they say. This has all the iintensity of a WC.final.
SA nailed as WC winner. Cant see Ireland nor Scotland giving them any heahache.
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Back in my day, the naughty step hadn’t been invented. You got a cuff around the head or bottom and sent to your room. This was sometimes a blessing.
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Du Toit a bit unlucky, but it’s a yellow. Can the Boks keep the intensity up for the last 26 minutes? We need a strong finish here.
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Flair – you forgot to mention France.
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