Location: World Rugby’s Secret Mobile Headquarters
Attendees: The ‘Independent Judicial Committee’ (three Aussies), Owen Farrell and a high-priced lawyer, Richard Smith KC.
IJC3: Right, cobbers, let’s get started. The arvo’s wasting away. But we think matey’s got kangaroos loose in the top paddock.
Farrell [hanging head, looking penitent]: I’ve brought some refreshments for everyone.
IJC1: Good on ya! Let’s see what you have.
Farrell: I baked these biscuits myself. Well … a mate did.
IJC2: Choccy chip! Our favourite! Mate, these have an unusual and rather pungent flavour, but they’re bloody good. [Munching ensues.]
Farrell: Bit of Australian wine to wash it down, too.
IJC2: Cab Sav! Our favourite! [Slurping ensues.]
Smith [looking at watch, smiling, and counting the ka-ching in fifteen-minute intervals]: My dear chaps, I’m afraid this has all been the most dreadful misunderstanding. Poor Owen has been the victim of the most scurrilous campaign by internet trolls determined to do him down. I’m sure that once you consider that the RFU is the richest and most powerful union in the sport, and that Mr Farrell is key to their success, that you will reverse this terrible ‘bunker’ [said with great distaste] decision.
IJC1: Mate, we’re facking famished. Pass those biccies over again. [Giggles.]
Smith: Please, gentlemen, take your time. Some more, erm, Cab Sav? Delighted to pour for you.
IJC2: Good on ya!
Smith [after a fifteen-minute pause for chewing and slurping]: Shall we review the evidence, gents? If you watch closely, you will see that another player interferes with the trajectory of the tackled player, and that therefore the sad collision couldn’t be avoided by my client.
IJC3 [A vegan who has abstained from the biccies]: That’s not really what happened, mate, and besides, there is no attempt made to wrap the arms. Let’s watch the video.
IJC1: Ahhh ha ha, look at that drongo going down!
IJC2 [weeping with laughter]: what a bogan! Your boy’s just a bit of a larrikin.
Smith: Gentlemen, have another biscuit. Do we have majority agreement that the red card should be rescinded?
IJCs1&2: No worries! [Tittering.]
[IJC3 bangs head on desk.]
Farrell: Just wait till my dad hears of this persecution.
Onna telly this weekend
Friday 18th August
| Bayonne v Toulouse | 20:00 | Viaplay2 |
Saturday 19th August
| Racing 92 v Bordeaux | 13:00 | Viaplay2 |
| Leinster v Ulster (women) | 13:00 | iPlayer / TG4 |
| Wales v South Africa | 15:15 | Prime Video |
| Munster v Connacht (women) | 15:15 | TG4 |
| Lyon v Toulon | 17:30 | Viaplay |
| Ireland v England | 17:30 | RTÉ2 / Prime Video |
| Italy v Romania | 17:30 | Prime Video |
| Montpellier v La Rochelle | 20:00 | Viaplay |
| France v Fiji | 20:05 | Prime Video |
Ovally Balls 
NZ are way off the build tonight.
PSDT should have been upgraded to a red and a one match ban
LikeLiked by 1 person
boil, not build
LikeLike
Faf bouncing along, next to Snyman looks very funny.
LikeLike
Flair, I doubt the All Blacks will be this sloppy when the business starts, but it has been an excellent 60 minutes for the Boks! And Libbok converts another! Rolling maul and it’s 28-0
LikeLike
Libbok puts an amazing kick to the corner, just inside the flag from half way. Bongi carries the ball over from the maul.
28-0 60mins
LikeLike
Ticht, I’m assuming you feel Barrett should get 3 weeks based on the respective yellows?
LikeLike
NZ’s replacement 9 is on only on his 2nd cap!
PSdT back on.
LikeLike
Reinach is on as a winger, for SA.
LikeLike
Scotland are not playing New Zealand in their next match Deebs, so je m’en fous, as they say.
It was only a joke to keep PSDT out of our game because he’s so good.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Thaum, not only do I believe France can win over SA, but I also believe they’ll go all the way. No underdogging here.
BTW, Ireland vs Samoa is yet to happen. I’ll only report when it will have happened. Unusual, I know.
LikeLike
Oof, SA just rolled over the ABs scrum.
Pen advantages are just ridiculous.
LikeLike
Flair – I also think France will win their WC.
Ah, so Ireland v Samoa is the one in Bayonne? Yes, I think I read that! That’s great.
LikeLike
Libbok with another kick from halfway, right into the corner.
SA score again, Kwagga with the ball this time.
33-0, conversion to come.
LikeLike
Not often as a Bok supporter that with 15 to go against the Kiwis, that your main concern is them not scoring. At all. Kiwi scrum getting hammered. Bok lineout 5m out. Du Toit takes, drops it to Kwagga who steps over! 35-0 with 12 to go!
LikeLike
Libbok’s certainly shut up the doubters.
LikeLike
If – and that’s a big if – Ireland can win their pool and dodge France in the QFs, I am hoping we might make it to the final.
LikeLike
35-0! Go on SA!
LikeLike
Bollix! Was really hoping to nil the bastards, but that’s a fabulous individual try by Roigard, the replacement 9 for the Kiwis.
LikeLike
Ah fuck. I jinxed it.
LikeLike
Bloody hell, Roigard (replacement AB 9) picks up the ball in the middle of the pitch and just pins his ears back. He’s tackled just before the line, but reaches out and touches the ball down. They’re not being nilled.
35-7 72mins
LikeLike
Cute by an AB player. Tackled in a bit of an isolated area, lobs the ball to Snyman, who’s jogging back – that’s a penalty.
LikeLike
Love the phrase pins his ears back. If you’ve ever known a Thoroughbred, you’ll understand it.
LikeLike
For only his second cap, Roigard has been impressive.
LikeLike
Game ends with a SA knock on, as they’re defending their line.
I don’t think we’ll see NZ play that badly for a long, long time.
LikeLike
That was bloody marvelous! Felt we wasted too many chances in the first half, but we kept the composure and did the business for the full 80, possibly for the first time in a while.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Refit – oh, I hope we do.
LikeLike
And congrats, Deebee!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thaum, yep Ireland’s game tomorrow is in Bayonne. Hope it is half as good as what we just saw. Stunning.
That was the best NZ squad available. Norovirus?.RC? Suzie? No Joubert? What?
For me just wonderful quality from.SA.
LikeLike
Should set us nicely for Scotland, as long as the boys don’t get complacent.
LikeLike
Deebs – half your squad may be feeling divided loyalties by now.
NN!
LikeLike
Thauma, I think our squad are feeling tickled pink, if anything! Seems we got through it unscathed too, which is a bonus.
LikeLike
Scotland play two good games against France so there are faint hopes that we might do something in the pool.
Then SA rock up and put 50 points against (an admittedly poor) Wales while in second gear.
Then Ireland rock up and put 30 points against (an admittedly poor) England while in second gear.
Then SA rock up and stick 30 points against NZ, and not in second gear!
Scotland fans just sigh….
LikeLike
Hey Deebs, if we lose to Samoa tonight, SA go to the top of the world rankings!
LikeLike
Ha, Thauma! On another forum (yes I feel a little dirty) it was stated that Irealnd would need to win by a couple of hundred points to increase the gap at the top. That’s more likely than Ireland losing. Think the biggest thing for Ireland is getting through unscathed. What time are the various matches?
LikeLike
BB, you should be celebrating last night’s Bok performance. I can’t remember when last they played at that level twice in a row. Scotland’s to lose. World Cup glory beckons.
LikeLike
Elton Jantjies excluded from the Bok squad for testing positive for doping. He denies it and wants thr B sample tested, but explains why he wasn’t considered for the squad. What a tragic decline for an undoubtedly talented player: stalking an air hostess whilst drunk (both allegedly) on a flight and punching a toilet door (fact), alleged affair with the team physio whilst in Bok camp last year, and now this. He’s always come across as a really nice guy, humble and easy going. Wonder where it all went wrong?
LikeLike
Manu’s carried twice and hasn’t broken, so we’ve basically won the WC, right?
LikeLiked by 2 people
England v Fiji just started 5 mins ago.
At 17:30, you can watch Italy v Japan or Scotland v Georgia, and Ireland v Samoa is 19:45.
France v Australia is 16:45 tomorrow.
LikeLiked by 1 person
SBT’s gonna be bouncing – May scores in the corner.
LikeLike
Pissing it down at HQ, which won’t help England’s handling.
LikeLike
Steward’s dropped two catches, in quick succession.
LikeLike
So far, this isn’t as enthralling as the game last night.
LikeLike
Someone’s soaped the ball. About 8 times in a row, there was a knock-on, advantage, advantage over, then the other team knocks on. Rinse, repeat.
LikeLike
Booo! Lovely try by Fiji. The 14 comes off his wing and finds a gap. He passes to the 13, who dives under the posts. But it’s scratched, as the last pass was forward.
LikeLike
Yellow for the Fiji LH, collapsing an advancing England maul. 38mins.
LikeLike
England players lose their feet in the next one and the ball is turned over.
LikeLike
8-3 to England at the end of the first half.
LikeLike
That didn’t have ‘contenders’ written all over it, did it?
LikeLike
No disrespect to Fiji with that comment, but if they’re struggling to put England away, I can’t see them going very far.
LikeLiked by 2 people
This time the Fiji 14-13 combination works and Fiji take the lead.
8-10
LikeLike