The pundits tell us that Ireland will almost certainly win the championship, as they only need a single point from their match given their enormous points difference. How wrong they are. TAO (pictured) wants to out-perform Predict-A-Bear, and has shared her wisdom and predictions through the medium of interpretive wags.
Wales v Italy
In a surprise couple of last-minute changes, Italy announce that Ange Capuozzo’s broken finger has been healed by the headmistress of the Italian branch of Hogwarts, and that Sergio Parisse will start at no. 8 as a tribute to Italy’s best Six Nations ever.
Ignoring most of the rest of the team for large portions of the match, these two players score seven tries between them, and Parisse succeeds in all the kicks at goal.
But Wales don’t take all this lying down, and score four tries of their own, including a hat-trick by retiring winger George North, who works out the tactic of simply stepping over Capuozzo. Parisse also gives away a lot of penalties.
Score: Wales 38 – 55 Italy.
Points: Wales 1, Italy 5.
Ireland v Scotland
The match begins well for Ireland with James Lowe scoring one of his trademark tries in the corner within thirty seconds of the kick-off. However, Crowley misses the conversion due to being discombobulated by the thirty-five minutes it takes the TMO and referee to decide that it was a try.
Then it all goes wrong.
The restart results in an Irish line-out that goes awry, Finn puts in a clever kick to McDuhan and he’s away and under the posts. (In fact, Ireland are to lose every single line-out.)
Then Andrew Porter gets injured, and Cian Healey comes on in the seventh minute.
Next, Peter O’Mahoney gets red-carded for taking out a player in the air at the next line-out, quickly followed by Aki Bundee for head contact in the tackle.
Shortly thereafter, Jack Crowley gets sent for an HIA and fails it, so Harry Byrne stays on.
McDuhan scores two more tries in the first half, and Darge gets one too.
The second half is unwatchable for Irish fans as Cian Healy is too tired to scrummage and Byrne misses/slices nearly all his kicks. JGP bizarrely gets replaced on the 42nd minute, and Conor Murray is nearly as slow as Healy.
Let’s cut to the chase.
Score: Ireland 5 – 55 Scotland
Points: Ireland 0, Scotland 5.
France v England
Lyon. It’s not the most glamorous French city, but it’s still a home match for Les bleus. A wounded side against an English side feeling Englishly arrogant and complacent after beating Ireland.
What could possibly go wrong for Borthwick’s team?
Well, first Elliot Daly replacing the concussed Feyi-Waboso. Second, George Ford continuing his obsession with drop goals but failing to execute them in any convincing manner whatsoever. Third, Le Garrec even more impressively causing people to ask, Antoine Qui?
The invoice-creating French pack marmelise England. Genge gets yellow-carded. Itoje gets yellow-carded. Penaud, Fickou, Atonio run rampant (well, it’s more of a waddle with Atonio). Ramos kicks superbly.
England score one lovely try through Slade, and Atonio also gets a card later on.
Score: France 30 – 10 England
Points: France 4, England 0.
The Result
Scotland for the Championship and the Triple Crown!
| Team | Played | Won | Lost | Drawn | For | Against | PD | Bonus | Points |
| Scotland | 5 | 3 | 2 | 0 | 157 | 103 | 54 | 4 | 16 |
| Ireland | 5 | 3 | 2 | 0 | 132 | 102 | 30 | 4 | 16 |
| France | 5 | 3 | 1 | 1 | 125 | 101 | 24 | 1 | 15 |
| Italy | 5 | 2 | 2 | 1 | 123 | 143 | -16 | 2 | 12 |
| England | 5 | 3 | 2 | 0 | 97 | 120 | -23 | 0 | 12 |
| Wales | 5 | 0 | 5 | 0 | 109 | 157 | -48 | 4 | 4 |
Onna telly this weekend
Showing matches that are televised in the UK and Ireland or on popular subscription services. Bold indicates that it’s on a free to view channel. Times are in the UK zone, so adjust as necessary.
Friday 15th March
| Ireland v Scotland U20s | 19:00 | iPlayer |
| Wales v Italy U20s | 19:30 | RTÉ2 / iPlayer |
| Gloucester v Leicester | 19:45 | TNT Sports 1 |
| France v England U20s | 20:00 | iPlayer |
Saturday 9th March
| Wales v Italy | 14:15 | BBC1 / S4C / RTÉ2 |
| Ireland v Scotland | 16:45 | ITV1 / STV |
| France v England | 20:00 | ITV1 / STV / RTÉ2 |
Ovally Balls 
Natal pastries?
Portuguese custard tarts. Delicious! Stormers finally on the board. Last week’s global domination seems to have hit a Celtic speedbump!
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‘Portuguese custard tarts’ sounds like a euphemism.
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It’s all gone horribly wrong. We need a try in the next three minutes.
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Ah well. 13-7. At least we get a losing BP.
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Saffer sides seemed to lose the ability to pass or catch this week (yes, they were quite good last week). Good result in the end for the Stormers, but as Schalk Burger says, the Stormers were lucky to only be 7 down at the break.
Comiserations Thauma!
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It was a much better result than I expected!
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Doak looked very nervous at the beginning, but got better. He will, of course, get betterer and betterer as he grows into the fly-half role.
One problem was the McCloskey-Hume axis: two or three seasons ago, they were magic, but every single interaction between them today resulted in a dropped ball. Hopefully that will click again.
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Just the seven tries for Glasgow in a close 45-7 win against the Scarlets. Dare say they probably just about deserved the win…
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Exeter getting a bit of a humping by Sale. It’s 29-0, after Sale score right at the start of the second half.
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Final score it 41-5. Long afternoon in Salford.
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Isn’t every afternoon a long afternoon in Salford?
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For ages, I thought Sale were a French team. Sale meaning ‘dirty’ in French, of course.
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The Sale-Exeter match was the first game of English club rugby I’ve watched live in a few years. Bit of a non-event and it surprised me by how much it felt like watching a low key URC game involving crap Welsh teams – my memory of watching English games previously being that even if the quality varied the intensity was normally there and the crowds made the TV experience much better than our stuff. Exeter did get a bit of a humping, but it was a bit of an odd game. Ludicrous yellow card decision shortly before halftime didn’t help their cause and they shipped two tries sort of as a result though both were avoidable in other ways. Up to that point it had been a lot of mistakes from both sides, but with Sale being just about good enough to take advantage of the soft penalties Exeter gave up while whenever Exeter got field position from Sale mistakes they stuffed up their own lineouts or scrums. The second half featured some better rugby but the game was already over as a contest by the time anyone did anything interesting.
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Hello everyone – sorry for the prolonged silence – though there may some who were happy enough :)
Currently in Dubai (yeah, I know not everyone approves but with family here – it’s a chance for my wife to catch up with her sister and given the fact that Ireland has nearly set new records for rainfall this spring – sunshine and warmth are a welcome diversion)
Last week, I was in Toulouse – we brought out U14s and U16s on a pre-Easter tour. 2 matches, some sightseeing / culture vulture stuff thrown in. Got a tour of Stade Ernest Wallon.
Our U14s played Montaudran and Stade Toulousain in “blitz” type tournament – 2 x 15 mins games vs both. Stark difference in how teams played – the 2 French teams went wide at every opportunity – very little, trucking it up, pods, and resets. Some differences of opinion with local ref on rucks/jackalling/ etc
U16s played Montaudran in 3 x 20 mins (we’d play 2 x 30 at that age group). Again, we didn;t see eye to eye with how breakdown was reffed. Close game – if it wasn’t a tour, we’d have kept core players on and probably win…. as it was I think we lost 31-28 giving lots of game time to every lad in the group.
Amazing the difference with firm, dry pitches – cold wind off the Pyrenees dries things PDQ. We probably played better than anytime during the season (and we reached last 8 in Munster)
Montaudran were great hosts – Irish flag flying – played both anthems (I feared an incident if we didn’t play both Amhrann na bhFiann and Ireland’s Call – or more accurately I feared an incident if it got back somehow and we’d missed one or the other – we may be a club from Ireland but we also represent IRFU)
Lads had a great time after the match – I’ve some great videos of 40-odd Irish and French lads jumping up and down to “Free from Desire” – you’ll know the tune even if you don’t know the title.
We also pretty much ransacked the Toulouse stores – I’d reckon half our party had a Toulouse shirt of some description going home. Helps that red and black are also Killarney RFC colours
If you’ve not been to Toulouse – I recommend. I’m hoping for a Toulouse – Munster away game soon (although a Toulouse vs anyone would be tempting ).
Update over
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@thaum
Billy Burns to Munster had been expected for a while – with Crowley on international duty, and Carbery away to Bordeaux (bonne chance!), Tony Butler (21) was remaining 10 – so there was a place for an experienced – relatively cheap – 10 who’d be ok to play #2 to Crowley, and be the lead in international windows or when Crowley was being “minute-managed”, and mentor Butler.
Not sure why Ulster dispensed with his services – he was instrumental in Ulster beating Leinster earlier this season.
A few – who only remember the unfortunate dead kick in 2021 – ask why (forgetting that Sexton did same thing in same match vs Wales) but he fits the need in Munster pretty much to a tee – as noted above.
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Quite the trip you’ve had Trisk, I imagine you’re a bit pooped now.
For those wondering
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The first comment under that video: I can’t believe I found the song by writing “nanana nana nanana nana” 😂
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@refit
i was pretty gassed about 00h15 on Easter Sunday
We’d a connection in Istanbul that had originally been 2 hours and was reduced to one.
We landed from Toulouse in Istanbul at 23h15 but had a 20 mins taxi in from – what I can only guess was somewhere deep in the Turkish interior. Then another 5 mins to disembark…..I’m apprehensive now…
Disembarking we see we’re at gate F7 and our connection is at gate D15….We first walk very, very quickly, then notice “last call” and then begin to run ….
In the end, we’re in good time and the guy on the desk smiles and says “take a breath…..” as I fumble for passports and try to find right phone app …
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I was a bit groggy at 00h15 on Easter Sunday too. Possibly not from travel though! Your trio sounds fabulous, Trisk!
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Trisk – Burns has improved a lot since he started at Ulster. He’s quite good with the clever little chip kicks now. Never going to set the world on fire, but reliable. We now play better with him than without him, so we have to hope that Doak and/or the other two get up to starting speed quickly!
I’ve never heard that song before.
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@thaum – Burns is also underrated because Cooney/Doak is the kicker
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Yes, but he can actually kick at goal when he has to!
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Yea, verily, bank holidays fucketh up one’s sense of the passage of days: only just realised it’s Friday! I shall stick a new post up for the European Cups, but it’s going to be pretty content-free.
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New post here.
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