The pundits tell us that Ireland will almost certainly win the championship, as they only need a single point from their match given their enormous points difference. How wrong they are. TAO (pictured) wants to out-perform Predict-A-Bear, and has shared her wisdom and predictions through the medium of interpretive wags.
Wales v Italy
In a surprise couple of last-minute changes, Italy announce that Ange Capuozzo’s broken finger has been healed by the headmistress of the Italian branch of Hogwarts, and that Sergio Parisse will start at no. 8 as a tribute to Italy’s best Six Nations ever.
Ignoring most of the rest of the team for large portions of the match, these two players score seven tries between them, and Parisse succeeds in all the kicks at goal.
But Wales don’t take all this lying down, and score four tries of their own, including a hat-trick by retiring winger George North, who works out the tactic of simply stepping over Capuozzo. Parisse also gives away a lot of penalties.
Score: Wales 38 – 55 Italy.
Points: Wales 1, Italy 5.
Ireland v Scotland
The match begins well for Ireland with James Lowe scoring one of his trademark tries in the corner within thirty seconds of the kick-off. However, Crowley misses the conversion due to being discombobulated by the thirty-five minutes it takes the TMO and referee to decide that it was a try.
Then it all goes wrong.
The restart results in an Irish line-out that goes awry, Finn puts in a clever kick to McDuhan and he’s away and under the posts. (In fact, Ireland are to lose every single line-out.)
Then Andrew Porter gets injured, and Cian Healey comes on in the seventh minute.
Next, Peter O’Mahoney gets red-carded for taking out a player in the air at the next line-out, quickly followed by Aki Bundee for head contact in the tackle.
Shortly thereafter, Jack Crowley gets sent for an HIA and fails it, so Harry Byrne stays on.
McDuhan scores two more tries in the first half, and Darge gets one too.
The second half is unwatchable for Irish fans as Cian Healy is too tired to scrummage and Byrne misses/slices nearly all his kicks. JGP bizarrely gets replaced on the 42nd minute, and Conor Murray is nearly as slow as Healy.
Let’s cut to the chase.
Score: Ireland 5 – 55 Scotland
Points: Ireland 0, Scotland 5.
France v England
Lyon. It’s not the most glamorous French city, but it’s still a home match for Les bleus. A wounded side against an English side feeling Englishly arrogant and complacent after beating Ireland.
What could possibly go wrong for Borthwick’s team?
Well, first Elliot Daly replacing the concussed Feyi-Waboso. Second, George Ford continuing his obsession with drop goals but failing to execute them in any convincing manner whatsoever. Third, Le Garrec even more impressively causing people to ask, Antoine Qui?
The invoice-creating French pack marmelise England. Genge gets yellow-carded. Itoje gets yellow-carded. Penaud, Fickou, Atonio run rampant (well, it’s more of a waddle with Atonio). Ramos kicks superbly.
England score one lovely try through Slade, and Atonio also gets a card later on.
Score: France 30 – 10 England
Points: France 4, England 0.
The Result
Scotland for the Championship and the Triple Crown!
| Team | Played | Won | Lost | Drawn | For | Against | PD | Bonus | Points |
| Scotland | 5 | 3 | 2 | 0 | 157 | 103 | 54 | 4 | 16 |
| Ireland | 5 | 3 | 2 | 0 | 132 | 102 | 30 | 4 | 16 |
| France | 5 | 3 | 1 | 1 | 125 | 101 | 24 | 1 | 15 |
| Italy | 5 | 2 | 2 | 1 | 123 | 143 | -16 | 2 | 12 |
| England | 5 | 3 | 2 | 0 | 97 | 120 | -23 | 0 | 12 |
| Wales | 5 | 0 | 5 | 0 | 109 | 157 | -48 | 4 | 4 |
Onna telly this weekend
Showing matches that are televised in the UK and Ireland or on popular subscription services. Bold indicates that it’s on a free to view channel. Times are in the UK zone, so adjust as necessary.
Friday 15th March
| Ireland v Scotland U20s | 19:00 | iPlayer |
| Wales v Italy U20s | 19:30 | RTÉ2 / iPlayer |
| Gloucester v Leicester | 19:45 | TNT Sports 1 |
| France v England U20s | 20:00 | iPlayer |
Saturday 9th March
| Wales v Italy | 14:15 | BBC1 / S4C / RTÉ2 |
| Ireland v Scotland | 16:45 | ITV1 / STV |
| France v England | 20:00 | ITV1 / STV / RTÉ2 |
Ovally Balls 
Considering Rowling’s recent comments, the idea of an Italian Hogwarts feels pretty cursed.
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Oh? I missed those. What’s she done now?
Maybe I should have thought of an alternate solution for Capuozzo’s finger.
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Just a little bit of light holocaust denial. She got called out by George Takei over it
Her argument was, the Nazis didn’t accept trans people were trans, therefore none of them were actually killed. And anyway, trans people only appeared a few years ago.
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Oh dog.
It’s beyond annoying that the other victims of the Nazis – leftists, trades unionists, gays, Roma, non-whites, etc. – are generally overlooked. And of course there will be a lot of overlap with the first three, at least, and Jews.
It’s probably true that ‘trans’ didn’t exist as a recognised group at the time, which isn’t to say that trans people didn’t exist, but that they were shunted into the ‘homosexual’ category, and persecuted in that way.
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Two things about my previous post:
1/ I should definitely have specifically included disabled people in my list (again, a group that overlaps in a Venn diagram with Jewish people).
2/ It’s remarkable how, historically, definitions of what we now call LGBT+ people almost never included lesbians or trans men. It’s almost as if biological women’s sexuality didn’t exist.
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It’s a bizarre thing, you’d think it would be the easiest thing in the world for people who have been marginalised or discriminated against to have empathy for one another, rather than playing a zero sum game where gains for some is seen as eradication of rights for others.
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Morning all! Fabulous ATL, Thauma! Thank you. I have a feeling that you’ve got the predictions spot on.
On Rowling, maybe she should read a little about Berlin in the late 20s and early 30s before Hitler grabbed power: the nightclub or nightlife scene was anything but straight laced and heterosexual! It was, in modern parlance, rather fluid from what I’ve read. Frankly she’s in the same league as Jacob Zuma and Yoweri Museveni, two of the more odious and brutal African presidents of the modern era who believe LGBTQI+ is a western disease.
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On the rugby, I’d obviously love all your sides to win today, impossible though that is, so I’ll raise a glass (a bit later, but not too much later) to a day of champagne rugby bidding the 2024 6N farewell in grand style! 🍾
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This is amusing! https://www.theguardian.com/business/2024/mar/16/mushrooms-swapped-for-tampons-among-bizarre-uk-supermarket-substitutions
Have to say that Sainsburys’ substitutions make the most sense:
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Ticht – I’m not sure Rowling has ever been marginalised or discriminated against.
And remember, if you’re looking for some magic and adventure, there are 40+ Terry Pratchett books right there.
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Squidge’s preview
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Refit, I think she was the victim of domestic violence, which is a form of misogyny. I think she thinks that promoting trans and non-binary rights somehow erodes women’s rights. I read that point of view from others, so, without checking, I assumed that is where her mistaken point of view comes from.
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Oh, I forgot about that.
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Refit – I’m pretty sure it’s the cause of her issues with trans people. A victim of domestic violence has a particular reason for wanting to protect women-only spaces. So I sympathise with her, but she’s gone waaaay overboard.
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She’s just not a very nice person, I think. Some of the ideas/characters she put into the HP series are terrible. And then she got love-bombed by some truly horrific bigots and decided to make hating trans people her entire world.
Shaun made a good (albeit long) video on the HP books
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I think you posted that a couple of years ago, perhaps? I did watch it!
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Oi! What’s Sergio doing in the commentary box? He needs to get changed!
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I certainly don’t have a lump in my throat, watching the North tribute. Nope.
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It’s amazing how, even after the replay, Squeaky doesn’t see Rio Dyer pushing an Italian player over.
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Lovely Italian try!
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TRY Ioane!
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Welsh players running into each other now.
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BB – and we could all see it coming a mile off!
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Dan would have lost the nut at that. Even if it had been his fault.
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Sure I just heard a “fucking hell” there. Not sure if it was from Welsh players, fans, coaches or Jiffy…
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Italy will be disappointed not to be further ahead on the scoreboard.
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Italy haven’t done all that much themselves to be any further ahead – they missed out on two points from the conversion I guess. Competence is obviously going to be more than enough though if we carry on like this.
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That was a beautiful try by Pani.
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Brilliant from Italy!!!!!
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Good try there though.
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Well, that was quite a nice try by Pani.
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Not sure what Rio Dyer was doing there.
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Our bench options fill me with no confidence whatsoever, but it can’t get a lot worse.
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Though they can come on and give away completely needless penalties it would seem.
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I don’t think I’ve ever seen Wales play this badly.
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Rowlands for Beard is probably the one positive change we can make that isn’t just based on blind hope.
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I’ve seen us play this badly before quite a few times, but it is down there with our worst efforts. We were at least this bad against Scotland for 45 minutes only a few weeks ago.
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Another Cotterism for the record. Not quite sure who he was talking about, but: He stands thoughtfully for a moment.
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He’s got to hook Costelow even though Lloyd is absolutely nobody’s idea of an international outside half.
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Nasty, nasty collision there.
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Sensible decision.
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Can’t believe neither of them is going off for an HIA.
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Wow! Wales played some rugby!
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Not a bad clearance, for a flanker.
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Wales not nilled!
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Quite a funny one that. Would be OK with no try, but if they hadn’t had penalty advantage I wouldn’t have thought much of it resulting in a drop-out.
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Martin dropping that is the kind of mistake that’s been killing us all tournament.
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And that’s a ridiculous penalty to concede. Never mind, it’s not as though we hadn’t lost all the important games already.
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Might have gone for one of the Italian back row for Man of the Match, but Brex has been very good all tournament. Both Italian centres in the running for team of the tournament for that matter.
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Wales haven’t had a wooden spoon since before I moved here twenty years ago. Nature is healing!
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