The pundits tell us that Ireland will almost certainly win the championship, as they only need a single point from their match given their enormous points difference. How wrong they are. TAO (pictured) wants to out-perform Predict-A-Bear, and has shared her wisdom and predictions through the medium of interpretive wags.
Wales v Italy
In a surprise couple of last-minute changes, Italy announce that Ange Capuozzo’s broken finger has been healed by the headmistress of the Italian branch of Hogwarts, and that Sergio Parisse will start at no. 8 as a tribute to Italy’s best Six Nations ever.
Ignoring most of the rest of the team for large portions of the match, these two players score seven tries between them, and Parisse succeeds in all the kicks at goal.
But Wales don’t take all this lying down, and score four tries of their own, including a hat-trick by retiring winger George North, who works out the tactic of simply stepping over Capuozzo. Parisse also gives away a lot of penalties.
Score: Wales 38 – 55 Italy.
Points: Wales 1, Italy 5.
Ireland v Scotland
The match begins well for Ireland with James Lowe scoring one of his trademark tries in the corner within thirty seconds of the kick-off. However, Crowley misses the conversion due to being discombobulated by the thirty-five minutes it takes the TMO and referee to decide that it was a try.
Then it all goes wrong.
The restart results in an Irish line-out that goes awry, Finn puts in a clever kick to McDuhan and he’s away and under the posts. (In fact, Ireland are to lose every single line-out.)
Then Andrew Porter gets injured, and Cian Healey comes on in the seventh minute.
Next, Peter O’Mahoney gets red-carded for taking out a player in the air at the next line-out, quickly followed by Aki Bundee for head contact in the tackle.
Shortly thereafter, Jack Crowley gets sent for an HIA and fails it, so Harry Byrne stays on.
McDuhan scores two more tries in the first half, and Darge gets one too.
The second half is unwatchable for Irish fans as Cian Healy is too tired to scrummage and Byrne misses/slices nearly all his kicks. JGP bizarrely gets replaced on the 42nd minute, and Conor Murray is nearly as slow as Healy.
Let’s cut to the chase.
Score: Ireland 5 – 55 Scotland
Points: Ireland 0, Scotland 5.
France v England
Lyon. It’s not the most glamorous French city, but it’s still a home match for Les bleus. A wounded side against an English side feeling Englishly arrogant and complacent after beating Ireland.
What could possibly go wrong for Borthwick’s team?
Well, first Elliot Daly replacing the concussed Feyi-Waboso. Second, George Ford continuing his obsession with drop goals but failing to execute them in any convincing manner whatsoever. Third, Le Garrec even more impressively causing people to ask, Antoine Qui?
The invoice-creating French pack marmelise England. Genge gets yellow-carded. Itoje gets yellow-carded. Penaud, Fickou, Atonio run rampant (well, it’s more of a waddle with Atonio). Ramos kicks superbly.
England score one lovely try through Slade, and Atonio also gets a card later on.
Score: France 30 – 10 England
Points: France 4, England 0.
The Result
Scotland for the Championship and the Triple Crown!
| Team | Played | Won | Lost | Drawn | For | Against | PD | Bonus | Points |
| Scotland | 5 | 3 | 2 | 0 | 157 | 103 | 54 | 4 | 16 |
| Ireland | 5 | 3 | 2 | 0 | 132 | 102 | 30 | 4 | 16 |
| France | 5 | 3 | 1 | 1 | 125 | 101 | 24 | 1 | 15 |
| Italy | 5 | 2 | 2 | 1 | 123 | 143 | -16 | 2 | 12 |
| England | 5 | 3 | 2 | 0 | 97 | 120 | -23 | 0 | 12 |
| Wales | 5 | 0 | 5 | 0 | 109 | 157 | -48 | 4 | 4 |
Onna telly this weekend
Showing matches that are televised in the UK and Ireland or on popular subscription services. Bold indicates that it’s on a free to view channel. Times are in the UK zone, so adjust as necessary.
Friday 15th March
| Ireland v Scotland U20s | 19:00 | iPlayer |
| Wales v Italy U20s | 19:30 | RTÉ2 / iPlayer |
| Gloucester v Leicester | 19:45 | TNT Sports 1 |
| France v England U20s | 20:00 | iPlayer |
Saturday 9th March
| Wales v Italy | 14:15 | BBC1 / S4C / RTÉ2 |
| Ireland v Scotland | 16:45 | ITV1 / STV |
| France v England | 20:00 | ITV1 / STV / RTÉ2 |
Ovally Balls 
Deebs, on the prop front, tomorrow’s Stormers v Edinburgh games sees WP Nel (37, soon to be 38) v Brok Harris (39) it is the oldest head to head in the league since it began way back through its many incarnations.
Thaum, Cardiff had a 16th player in that half, I reckon that weather is worth more than 13 points and it’s only getting worse.
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Bristol miss a penalty just before the whistle and there’s no change in the scores, going into half time.
Glaws leading Tigers 8-17 at oranges.
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Ticht – yep, the weather is foul!
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And Glasgow have scored now.
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Ha, the wind has dried up and the wind has dropped!
There is Welsh witchery afoot
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rain has dried up, but you knew what I meant
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There is Welsh witchery afoot
That must have been why they were playing Fleetwood Mac.
But Glasgow have just scored again.
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3rd try for Bristol. Sinckler just squeezing the ball over the line after Ludlam gets a yellow. 24-7.
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Suddenly Saints score. Ollie Smith puts in a lovely kick, into the Bristol 22 and Sleightholme gathers and scores. 24-14
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Bristol score almost immediately. Dun breaking a tackle and rolling over the line. 31-14. 58mins
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Refit, how is Magnus Bradbury playing?
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Malins scores almost immediately after coming on, lovely pass and line cutting through the defence. 38-14
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Ticht – solid but unspectacular. No big errors, made some decent ground and hits.
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3rd try for Saints. Another chip into the 22 by Smith, this time Garside, the replacement 9, catches it on the run to score.
38-21. 68mins
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Bradbury just got robbed of an almost certain score – he was out on the wing and the pass to him was both too far in front and not strong enough. It died on his out-stretched fingers. Scrum Saints.
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6th try to Bristol, maul driving over the line. 45-21
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Cardiff commit suicide seconds after the hooter goes by kicking the ball away, which goes out.
17-13.
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Bristol break down the wing. A Saints player almost intercepts a pass from Malins, but it bounces into Ibitoye’s hands and he scores their 7th. Final score 52-21.
Bit of a humping.
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One for BB – Kyle Steyn rather let the cat out of the bag in the aftermatch interview – he was asked about the rumour of Adam Hastings rejoining and Steyn said more or less – yeah, he’s a great guy with lots of mates here, can’t wait to have him back.
So that’s a done deal
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We need a decent 10 Ticht. Wee Dunk can’t go on forever (though I think he’s got another year), we’ve got Jordan (from NZ) and Thompson neither of whom have set the heather alight and a young ‘un in Richie Simpson who hasn’t made a first team appearance yet.
Never been 100% convinced by Hastings, but I think he’s a level or two above what we have.
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Just watching a replay of the Briz-Saints match. Garside looks like a mascot, not a player! Good wheels on him though.
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Just tuned in to watch Blues-Crusaders in Super Rugby whatever edition. Used to be a question of whether anybody could live with the Saders, now it’s a ghoulish affair to see if the Crusaders can avoid a 5th straight defeat.
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Dalton Papailli (sp?) binned for collapsing the maul and the Crusaders are on the prowl inside the 5m. But cock it up and the Blues with a 944kg pack can clear. With a man in the bin, the pack weights are a bit more even!
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18 minutes in and the Blues are 3-0 up in an awful, scrappy affair with some of the worst handling I’ve seen in a Kiwi derby and scrum resets that would make an Aussie proud.
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35 minutes in and it’s 6-3 to the Blues. Lineouts on both sides misfiring now too.
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Missed the start of the second half, but the Blues have managed to not drop it, knock on, fling the pass behind the receiver or kick away possession for long enough to score two converted tries. 23-6 with 33 to go.
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Took the dogs for a walk. Unfortunately, the match was still on when I got back. Just enough to see the Crusaders overthrow the lineout, regather, lose possession and the Blues knock it on with a pretty open run to the line.
Debbie Harry is asking me to call her. Sounds like a far better idea.
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26-6 the final score. Crusaders have now started the season with five losses and surely out of the running already.
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@Refit
Impressive win!
Is that Bristol’s one stellar performance over with now or have they found a new resilience to match their line-up?
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Hopefully Bristol will become a bit more consistent. They looked better than when Sheedy is at 10, so hopefully that’s something.
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Sharks just scoffed at the Crusaders and said “hold my beer” when it comes to shit passes – one from inside Ulster’s half all the way back to their own 22.
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Sarries blasting Quins off the pitch. ‘Ol Treacle Toes has two tries and he wasn’t even supposed to have started, and they have the bonus point try in under half an hour. Quins have been awful.
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52-7 the final score. Sarries ominous, Quins rubbish.
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Missed the Sharks/Ulster match live as had a pub lunch with friends, so have just watched. Total rubbish. Both sides benefited from poor reffing decisions, including a very dodgy Ulster try.
Seems I’ve missed loads of Ulster news, such as Burns going to Munster and McCloskey possibly going to a French side. NOOOO!
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Just got home to see the Lions 14-26 up in the Wesht! 12 to go, can we hang on for a famous win? C’mon Lions!
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And another! Some great hands and Lions are out to 31 with the kick to come! 14-31 with 10 to go. Really don’t like Hendrikse standing around for a minute because he’s got 90 seconds for the kick. That’s beyond gamesmanship. Don’t like it at all.
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Deebs – and then he missed it, didn’t he? But never mind, you’ve won at the Sportsground!
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And another try at the 79th minute!
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And an end to end try to put the Icing on the cake! From the scrum, simple passing, drawing the man and putting the wide man away. 14-38 into the last minute! What a win. With 14 men for most of the match, I believe. Lions scrum at full time. They still go for it, but a knock on ends the match. Great win!
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Thauma, he did, but frankly going on that, the kicker should be given 30 seconds, it’s plenty of time. Ref stops the clock when the try is scored and starts it again when the kicker gets the tee. No need for 90 seconds or whatever it is.
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Except when the ball falls off the tee….
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Pretty nondescript first 40 at Rodney Parade, the Bulls finishing a testy half 10-3 up. Scored a great try early in the second and are looking fantastic ball in hand. And another. Jake White is building a very good side here.
Nah, chalked off for a forward pass. Dragons hanging on by the skin of their teeth.
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Thauma, how tricky is it to put the ball on the tee? If it’s howling, get someone to put a finger on it!
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After looking like they would blow the Dragons away for about ten minutes, the game had kinda lost its shape again. Bulls battering away, Drags defending stoutly, and not much progress either way.
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Drags have been battered in this match, but are still only two converted tries behind. The Bulls just haven’t been able to finish them off. A combination of excellent, dogged defence, and some profligate attacking by the Bulls. The latter to a degree a result of the former.
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Bulls get the bonus point with the last move of the match, a mauled try, in a game that didn’t really reach any great heights. They go second on the log though, so job done in their eyes, I suppose. Four wins from four for the Saffer sides. Nice!
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Looks like the Saffer plan for world domination is still intact.
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Tight tussle between Italy and England. 0-0 after 15mins, but Italy now have a player advantage, as the England 8 has just been given a red card for a dangerous tackle (after a bunker review)
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It has been all England though, for the last 15 mins, pretty much camped out in the Italy 22. There was a disallowed try earlier, for a double movement, but England finally score on 30mins, Botterman the loosehead driving over. Conversion missed, 0-5.
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Second England try. Abbie Ward just gets the ball down over the line, despite the best efforts of an Italian player to prevent her doing so. Conversion missed again. 0-10 35mins.
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