The pundits tell us that Ireland will almost certainly win the championship, as they only need a single point from their match given their enormous points difference. How wrong they are. TAO (pictured) wants to out-perform Predict-A-Bear, and has shared her wisdom and predictions through the medium of interpretive wags.
Wales v Italy
In a surprise couple of last-minute changes, Italy announce that Ange Capuozzo’s broken finger has been healed by the headmistress of the Italian branch of Hogwarts, and that Sergio Parisse will start at no. 8 as a tribute to Italy’s best Six Nations ever.
Ignoring most of the rest of the team for large portions of the match, these two players score seven tries between them, and Parisse succeeds in all the kicks at goal.
But Wales don’t take all this lying down, and score four tries of their own, including a hat-trick by retiring winger George North, who works out the tactic of simply stepping over Capuozzo. Parisse also gives away a lot of penalties.
Score: Wales 38 – 55 Italy.
Points: Wales 1, Italy 5.
Ireland v Scotland
The match begins well for Ireland with James Lowe scoring one of his trademark tries in the corner within thirty seconds of the kick-off. However, Crowley misses the conversion due to being discombobulated by the thirty-five minutes it takes the TMO and referee to decide that it was a try.
Then it all goes wrong.
The restart results in an Irish line-out that goes awry, Finn puts in a clever kick to McDuhan and he’s away and under the posts. (In fact, Ireland are to lose every single line-out.)
Then Andrew Porter gets injured, and Cian Healey comes on in the seventh minute.
Next, Peter O’Mahoney gets red-carded for taking out a player in the air at the next line-out, quickly followed by Aki Bundee for head contact in the tackle.
Shortly thereafter, Jack Crowley gets sent for an HIA and fails it, so Harry Byrne stays on.
McDuhan scores two more tries in the first half, and Darge gets one too.
The second half is unwatchable for Irish fans as Cian Healy is too tired to scrummage and Byrne misses/slices nearly all his kicks. JGP bizarrely gets replaced on the 42nd minute, and Conor Murray is nearly as slow as Healy.
Let’s cut to the chase.
Score: Ireland 5 – 55 Scotland
Points: Ireland 0, Scotland 5.
France v England
Lyon. It’s not the most glamorous French city, but it’s still a home match for Les bleus. A wounded side against an English side feeling Englishly arrogant and complacent after beating Ireland.
What could possibly go wrong for Borthwick’s team?
Well, first Elliot Daly replacing the concussed Feyi-Waboso. Second, George Ford continuing his obsession with drop goals but failing to execute them in any convincing manner whatsoever. Third, Le Garrec even more impressively causing people to ask, Antoine Qui?
The invoice-creating French pack marmelise England. Genge gets yellow-carded. Itoje gets yellow-carded. Penaud, Fickou, Atonio run rampant (well, it’s more of a waddle with Atonio). Ramos kicks superbly.
England score one lovely try through Slade, and Atonio also gets a card later on.
Score: France 30 – 10 England
Points: France 4, England 0.
The Result
Scotland for the Championship and the Triple Crown!
| Team | Played | Won | Lost | Drawn | For | Against | PD | Bonus | Points |
| Scotland | 5 | 3 | 2 | 0 | 157 | 103 | 54 | 4 | 16 |
| Ireland | 5 | 3 | 2 | 0 | 132 | 102 | 30 | 4 | 16 |
| France | 5 | 3 | 1 | 1 | 125 | 101 | 24 | 1 | 15 |
| Italy | 5 | 2 | 2 | 1 | 123 | 143 | -16 | 2 | 12 |
| England | 5 | 3 | 2 | 0 | 97 | 120 | -23 | 0 | 12 |
| Wales | 5 | 0 | 5 | 0 | 109 | 157 | -48 | 4 | 4 |
Onna telly this weekend
Showing matches that are televised in the UK and Ireland or on popular subscription services. Bold indicates that it’s on a free to view channel. Times are in the UK zone, so adjust as necessary.
Friday 15th March
| Ireland v Scotland U20s | 19:00 | iPlayer |
| Wales v Italy U20s | 19:30 | RTÉ2 / iPlayer |
| Gloucester v Leicester | 19:45 | TNT Sports 1 |
| France v England U20s | 20:00 | iPlayer |
Saturday 9th March
| Wales v Italy | 14:15 | BBC1 / S4C / RTÉ2 |
| Ireland v Scotland | 16:45 | ITV1 / STV |
| France v England | 20:00 | ITV1 / STV / RTÉ2 |
Ovally Balls 
I don’t know if the extra player will tell more in the second half, but it currently feels like it’s Italy who are a woman down.
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Just arrived in Lilongwe, Malawi. I haven’t been here since 2011, when I had to leave early as my mum had collapsed. Got the call that she had passed away whilst waiting to board the plane, so very mixed emotions being back: it’s a gorgeous country, with wonderfully friendly people, but so little has changed and developed here in the last 13 years that I can feel the emotions still thick in the air. Think I’ll go and have a fabulous Malawi Gin – mum would approve!
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Quick start to the second half by England, mauling over the Italian line after 44 mins. 0-15
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Found the 6N! Unexpectedly – rugby not so big in Malawi. Italy starting to fall off tackles. England 15 is superb – but also has the bloody back three bouffant to go with it!
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BP try for England inside 50mins. The FB, Kildunne, takes a high ball on about half way and then just cuts through the Italian defence, to score under the posts. 0-20
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5 tries! Helena Rowland (13) receives the ball right on the line and breaks through the Italian defence. 0-29 55mins
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Anything the England backs can do, the forwards can do too. The replacement prop, Carson, has a lovely step in the Italian 22 to score. 0-36, 61 mins.
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England now playing with a League team – Rowland the 13 in the bin and under review – I missed the actual incident.
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Kildunne gets her second. Some really nice continuity play by the England forwards, keeping the ball alive in contact and not going to ground. It ends with a 16m pass to the fullback, who crosses the line under pressure from a defender.
0-41 72mins
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Think Italy would be delighted if it was only a 14 point game! Would like Italy to at least get points on the board.
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Just a yellow for Rowland, after review.
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Almost a great try by the replacement prop Carson. She picks up a loose Italian ball just inside the Italian half and pins her ears back. She slows down, looking for support and is tackled just before the line. An Italian player is yellow carded from the resulting ruck and England put it in the corner. England maul over and the game ends 0-48
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Boo! Unsmiling English and all that!
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https://www.theguardian.com/sport/2024/mar/24/rfu-tmo-saracens-harlequins-tv-pundit-austin-healey-rugby-union
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If you have some spare time, try to find tonight’s T-14 game between Bordeaux and Toulouse. A five star game, better than most internationals.
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Sorry Flair, been too busy watching endless replays of the Lions world famous win in Galway to catch the match.
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Your loss, Deebee. Best club game I’ve seen in a long time, although I humbly acknowledge it obviously cannot reach the heights reached by the Lions.
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Blood & Mud podcast getting all the good reviews 😅😅
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Bunch of c*nts killed the blog! Back to watching replays of the Lions it is then!
At least until this weekend when they’ll pitch up in Wales full of swag and get their chops busted.
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Only if they go out in Cardiff after the match….
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Ouch! Never been out in Cardiff onna Saturday night, but will take your word for it. Coventry may be the worst I’ve seen – including a couple of war zones in the Congo.
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Coincidentally, I was in Coventry today (well, its outskirts). It was especially sad-looking: seemed like half the businesses were shuttered. It’s been a few years since I’ve been there.
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Hope you weren’t sent there Thaum….
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BB – I was bloody sent there for w*rk for a couple of years. It was an absolute hell-hole.
The office I was hired into was in a lovely rural area and people were friendly. Then the banishment. It lived up to its reputation.
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Flair, I’ve just caught up with the UBB v Toulouse game. It was a terrific last quarter. The stories about Dupont being more highly regarded due to his absence in the 6N were shot down in flames, he was terrific – he’s the best rugby player on the planet right now, imho of course.
I read elsewhere that Blair Kinghorn has a hamstring injury and wasn’t considered for that game, nor for this weekend. I hope he is fit soon, from a Scottish perspective Toulouse will make him a much better player.
It’s frustrating watching the Top 14 here, I subscribe to Viaplay which carries the URC plus some of the T14 games every week, but the commentator is really annoying. He is in a soundproof room in (I think) London and just laughs and guffaws his way through games – you get a tiny fraction of the atmosphere from the stadium. He had Andrew Mehrtens with him for that game. Mehrts was a great player, but he joined in with the “lads out having a beer, making the odd comment on the rugby” vibe.
Anyway, good game, Damian Penaud is proof that French Flair is alive and well.
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Knew you’d enjoy the game, Ticht.
Dupont made a couple of costly mistakes in the first half, but my, what he did in the second was just unbelievable. I like him at 10 and wouldn’t mind Galthié testing Le Garrec at 9 with Dupont at FH.
UBB’s back line is basically France’s and yet they seemed to play much better, even Lucu.
Galthié implied the players weren’t in good shape at the beginning of the 6N and I’d tend to agree. Besides the WC extra work (and hangover) I think French players are trained to hit peak form twice a year, in November and December, for the Hcup and later, from April to June for the business end of the H cup and T14.
Unfortunately, the 6N seem to be less important than it used to be.
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Big, big match on tonight in the URC! Leinster at home to the Bulls. 1 v 2 on the log. According to a couple of blokes on another site (I know, feel dirty and all that), Leinster have started slowly in most matches this season, but clicked in the second half and blown the opposition away. If that’s the case, the Bulls will need to come out firing and hope to get a decent gap on the board.
Think Leinster have a stronger bench (and starting XV) so the smart money has to be on a home win. The Bulls have been playing some very good rugby themselves and have targeted this match to put down a marker, so no excuses if they lose. The Bulls have some classy backs of their own, so it’ll be interesting to see if they can unlock the Nienaber defence or if his intimate knowledge of their key players will nullify the threats they pose.
As ever though, it’ll be won or lost up front and in the collisions and I don’t see either side taking a backward step. Leinster’s continuity in attack will probably be the difference.
Should, hopefully, be a cracker!
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Billy sticks a cracking kick into the corner! That’s Billy V.
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Sleightholme Duhan’s his way through the Sarries line, gets tackled, flicks it up and the Saints player goes over! Ref gives a try, but it looks held up. TMO inconclusive so try stands.
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Nice tribute to Danny Care. A few things that stood out to me – I didn’t realise Care was such a hard tackler, England had some truly terrible kit designs and there’s a couple of clips vs Scotland where England are 20+ points ahead, which just feels weird after the last few years.
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I see Leinster trounced the Bulls.
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First half of the Leinster-Bulls was pretty close. In fact the Bulls led 14-12 at half time, when I went to bed. I blame myself entirely for the 30-something unanswered points shellacking in the second half. More accurately, I should blame that first glass of red wine…
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Sharks with two wins on the bounce! Can the Lions do likewise?
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Would be a great day to be on the cider in Gloucester today, bonkers game. “1 -7 to Glaws, all end to end tries.
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21-7 that is, after 23 minutes.
Make that 21-14 after 25.
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Freddie Clarke intercepts and runs 3/4 length of the pitch before being hauled down by Malins 5 yards from the line, Clarke had 2 unmarked plyers with him. Bristol turn him over and go back up the other end for Bradbury to score in the corner. 24-21.
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My mistake, 24-19, McGinty missed a sitter.
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The answer, for those hanging breathlessly on my every word, is an emphatic no. Everything the Lions did right last week, they’ve got wrong this week: passes not sticking, not protecting the ball and generally being sloppy. The Ospreys on the other hand, have been full value for their 29-7 lead going into the last 20 minutes.
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Oh but Deebee, your Lions have just scored quite a nice one!
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And another one! 29-21; can they find another point (well, 3 or 5) to get a LBP at least?
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Second half a bit scrappy, Gloucester back to daft mistakes and silly penalties, Bristol get a 5 pointer, 33-24 to the Bears.
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Erm … maybe don’t give away a penalty in your own 22.
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But the penalty bounces off the posts, Lions gather and kick it down the pitch! 2 mins to go.
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Oops. They lose the ball and the Ospreys score again at the death.
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Final score was 34 or 36 to 21 to the Ospreys. Well deserved. They battered the Lions at the breakdown and won the match from there.
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Thauma, been baking pasteis de nata and hot cross buns all afternoon, so been only able to keep a casual eye on the important things. Lions looked sloppy for most of the match, but credit to Ospreys for their great work around the fringes and at the tackle. No complaints from this side!
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So Billy Burns a) got injured last week, and b) is moving to Munster anyway. Ulster seem to have chosen not to replace him, and Doak is playing 10.
Doak can probably be a good 10, but he will need some time to practise!
Stormers by 105.
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Oh shit, Hendo is sick too.
pasteis de nata
Natal pastries?
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TRY Timoney!
Much to my surprise, Ulster playing some nice rugby.
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Well, it’s 0-7 at half-time, but it was a much better half than the score would indicate. Pleased with Ulster’s performance; had basically written them off for this season.
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