The first week of November has come and gone – Diwali lit up the skies, Guy Fawkes (at least down here) Faded to Grey and Blondie wasn’t French Kissing in the USA, as she’d probably be pitchforked by the MAGA mob reprising their Halloween characters, whilst slobbering over their Freedom Fries and burning Kamala Harris in effigy, good, moral American-values folk that they are. So what next? Some Hemispheric Clashes, that’s what! Not just the usual North-South score settling, but some intriguing clashes between the emerging (or submerging in some cases) nations too. The Autumn Internationals are upon us, and we’ll be in the Joy Division, with plenty of Atmosphere:
Ireland v New Zealand
Kicking off proceedings on Friday night, two of the real heavyweights of world rugby at the moment in Ireland, ranked Number 1, and New Zealand, ranked number 3. If the Kiwis win and the Boks lose, the Blackness will be back on top of the world, improbable as that seemed a few short months ago. Ireland are a more settled side, at home, and desperate to avenge the loss in France last year and continue to be the best side between World Cups. Rest assured, nobody will walk away, in silence.
Score? Ireland by 5
Canada v Chile
A bit of a step down in class (difficult not to be!) with two sides trying to make it into the second tier of the global game. Canada have fallen Icarus-like from their heights of the 90s and are now scrapping it out with the likes of Chile below the second tier nations of Japan, Tonga, Samoa, Australia and the like. Chile, fairly battered at the World Cup last year (and by the ruthless, unsmiling Scots in July), have actually had a decent run in 2024, with only that loss so far to the Celtic Curmudgeons. Not much of a song, but Can-Canada do the Locomotion? Nope.
Score? Chile by 10
Spain v Uruguay
Another ‘emerging match’ between a Spanish side slowly making progress and getting the odd scalp (not as odd as Trump’s, mind), but also getting a bit battered by anyone decent. Good Spain beat Tonga and narrowly lost to Samoa on tour to the islands in July, and last year clobbered Canada, but got smashed by Argentina (nobody cried for them. Sorry) and the USA. Uruguay could be a growing side of note, having emerged from the World Cup with some credit – hammered by New Zealand, but not embarrassed by France or Italy and beating Namibia. They’ve built on that with decent displays against Scotland and France in July (although Argentina gave them a lovely, neighbourly beating). Should be a good match!
Score? Uruguay by 5
England v Australia
Ian Curtis coulda written Atmosphere for this match (if the respective fans stop singing Swing Low and Waltzing Matilda for a minute). Actually, it sums up the respective nations’ rugby philosophies at the moment:
Endless talking
Life rebuilding
Don’t walk away
Walk in silence
Don’t turn away, in silence
Your confusion
My illusion
However, the song is too beautifully painful and poignant to waste on this rabble, so Swing Low vs Waltzing Matila it’ll stay. Both sides are rebuilding (Sagrada Familia will be finished first) and bringing through stunning new talent like, um, Will Skelton and George Ford, so expect a clash of epic proportions, something akin to the Stonehenge set in Spinal Tap. No seriously, England will have too much for an Australian side playing with pride and mongrel and not much else.
Score? England by 10
Portugal v USA
Portugal were everyone’s second-favourite side after the Springboks last year, playing a brand of fearless, running rugby and delighting crowds along the way. They thumped the USA and drew with Georgia at the World Cup, and have beaten both Fiji and Namibia away this year. The USA, well, they’re crap. Not as crap as their election results, but pretty crap. And just to stick one to the Orange Furby, I’ll let Lou Reed get under his skin:
Donald came from Miami, F-L-A
Hitch-hiked her way across the USA
Plucked her eyebrows along the way
Shaved her legs and then he was a she
She says, “Hey babe, take a walk on the wild side”
Score? Portugal by 12
Romania v Tonga
I’m flagging a bit, to be fair, at this point, with no secretary to make coffee[Ed: make your own damn coffee; are you Trump?], so it’ll be brief: Romania had a miserable World Cup, getting thrashed by the Boks (quite rightly) and then suffered the indignity of Scottish one-upmanship and shipping 80+ points. Tonga battered them too, before a consolation victory over the USA. Oh, and even Canada beat them this year. Tonga should have way too much for them, but I did my Bru prediction before looking at the form book. Fuck.
Score? Romania by 3
Italy v Argentina
Two sides that are – hopefully – very much on the up. Italy had a great 6N, beating Scotland and Wales, drawing with France and coming within a whisker of England, only getting humped by the Unsmiling Irish. Solid July wins over Tonga and Japan, but up against an Argentina that beat the Kiwis and Boks and hammered Australia in the RC (should’ve beaten them twice). On their day, they’re irresistible, with a beguiling and bewitching combination of power, pace and panache, and frankly, the best side in the world to watch when on song. Sometimes the Fat Lady has laryngitis though.
Score? Argentina by 4
France v Japan
This’ll be pretty one-sided, and a good leg stretch for the French before the serious matches to follow. No point in bemoaning Japan’s fall from grace; it is what it is. Eddie Jones will doubtless be pitching up in Europe with music on his mind, but even Alphaville can’t save him:
You did what you did to me
Now, it’s history I see
Here’s my comeback on the road again
Things will happen while they can
I will wait here for my man tonight
It’s easy when you’re big in Japan
Score? France by 30
Wales v Fiji
Can Wales continue to be as bad as they’ve been lately? To paraphrase the last decent US President “YES THEY CAN!” That said, there’s been some encouraging displays from a couple of their URC sides recently, so they have the ingredients for a decent side, but just seem to be struggling to make much more than a flapjack with them. Will they be luxuriating in the Green, Green Grass of Home, or frantically Holding Out for a Hero come the final whistle? The former, for me, against a frustrating Fiji, who just don’t seem to be able to transfer the brilliance of their 7z into 15z consistently enough.
Score? Wales by 15
Scotland v South Africa
Already getting twitchy for this Sunday afternoon clash. This is a high-quality Scotland side, brimming with quality, talent and intent throughout, but particularly in the back division and the back row. Their kryptonite may be the tight five, especially the replacement forwards, given what they’re up against, but Glasgow in particular have come to the spiritual home of rugby and smashed, grabbed and clubbed their way to wins, so won’t fear much. Will Finn Russell be back in the saddle? Bok fans will hope to go full circle and see him Lose Control; back to you Ian:
Confusion in her eyes that says it all
She’s lost control
And she’s clinging to the nearest passerby
She’s lost control
A titanic struggle, for sure, with the Bok defence scrambling to contain the Scots backs and keep them within sight, until the bomb squad tilts the match in our favour.
Score? South Africa by 6
Top Trumps and Tunes by deebee7
Onna telly in the next week or so
Showing matches that are televised in the UK and Ireland or on popular subscription services. Bold indicates that it’s on a free to view channel. Times are in the UK zone, so adjust as necessary.
Friday 8th November
| Ireland v New Zealand | 20:10 | TNT Sports 1 |
Saturday 9th November
| England v Australia | 15:10 | TNT Sports 1 |
| Italy v Argentina | 17:40 | TNT Sports 2 |
| France v Japan | 20:10 | TNT Sports 2 |
Sunday 10th November
| Wales v Fiji | 13:40 | TNT Sports 1 |
| Scotland v South Africa | 16:10 | TNT Sports 1 |
Ovally Balls 
Even with Bath having two yellow cards (Ted Hill in the first half for head contact and Ben Spencer in the second, for a deliberate knock on), they’re still leading Exeter. They’ve just extended the lead to 19-8, with 11 mins to go and are back to full strength again.
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Time up but Connacht are battering away in the Bulls 22. No idea how many phases, but eventually the ref calls them back for a penalty. Kicked to the 5m. Lineout is untidy, Bulls turn it over and kick it out! 14-28 final score.
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Right, most important match of November coming up. C’mon Lions!
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Cardiff won and denied the Scarlets the lbp.
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Exeter do manage another score, with the clock in the red, but it’s not enough. Final score 19-15. Exeter’s 7th consecutive loss and they’re nailed to the bottom of the table.
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7 minutes in and all Munster until a dropped pass gives the Lions a defensive scrum. Lions just not in it at the moment.
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Asenathi Ntlabakanye wins a scrum penalty! Lions finally in Munster territory (for a bit).
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Billy Burns with a pin point kick to the corner! Lions back on their own line. Munster come again but get a bit cute and the Lions regroup. But finally a crap pass and it splits the defence! Munster score and are deservedly ahead – 7-0 after 16 minutes.
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Lions finally getting a bit of ball and get a lineout 5m out from a penalty, but Munster defend it superbly and then get the free kick from the scrum.
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Switched over to the snooker. First frame has been going for nearly an hour. The enemy is slightly ahead.
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Lions getting into the game but just can’t finish. Some great play until the final pass, but Munster defending superbly.
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Henko van Wyk! What a try! 6 or 7 defenders beaten? Great stepping! And power. 7-7 approaching 30 minutes.
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Munster making a few mistakes now. Lions getting into their groove.
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Lions with a penalty just over 30m out. And over! 7-10 and the Lions are starting to edge things.
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FFS! Second penalty not finding touch and Munster boot it way back. And then win the lineout! Munster just not stringing the passes together. And looming a wee bit puffed.
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*looking
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Not a great half, too many mistakes by both sides, but plenty of ambition. Hopefully a little more thought and calm in the second half and some better finishing.
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Edinburgh shading Benetton 35-0 at the break. Could go either way.
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Poured a drink and Munster scored! Shane Daly. 12-10, with a horrible conversion miss.
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2nd half starting like the first with Munster in control.
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17-10 to Munster in a pretty dreary 20 minutes so far. Both sides handling had been dire.
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Here’s your missing possessive apostrophe: ‘.
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Lions with the penalty deep in Munster’s 22. Pick and go over and again, but not really getting anywhere. Eventually go wide and Munster hack it down into the Lions 22! Play now well back in the Lions half. Great Munster defence!
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Lions handling has been horrible tonight. Right now, a LBP would be decent.
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Full time and Munster win! Neither side was good, but maybe we’ve been spoiled by the Test month?
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I was only joking when I said it was anyone’s game in Edinburgh! It’s 40-33 to Edinburgh with 8 to go after being 35-0 up at halftime!
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It’s 2 all at the interval. This match could go on until 2 am.
That’s some lead to throw away in Embra!
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After three excruciatingly slow hours, it’s 4-2 to our Ulster hero. Although it has to be said that he’s the one who’s slowing the match down. It’s best of 11, so we could still be here for some time…!
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Five hours in. Our hero is up 5-4.
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5 all with a 114 break for Hawkins. Deciding frame coming up.
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It’s 41 points all and strategic snookering going on.
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I can’t believe I stayed up this late for the wrong fucking bloke to win.
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Not saying he didn’t deserve it, and hope he wins tomorrow … er, later today.
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I’m starting to get irrationally angry, with the fact that TNT do the team listings 15-9, 1-8. Although it is easier when it’s just in list form, rather than laid out in formation (like they did for the internationals), when you start reading down the screen and then have to read up, to know where people are.
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@thaum
I have to disagree on Prendergast. Good kicker, good passer, shy of contact.
Argentina sussed him out within a few minutes. Schmidt had 2 weeks to cook up a plan.
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Basically Australia jockeyed him and lined up in his receivers, waited for the pass and then “killed” them. They didn’t bite as they knew he wouldn’t run.
When Casey and Crowley came on it was better because Casey has a faster pass and his primary role is to pass to 10. Crowley carried forward and made Australian midfield tackle / bite that created space outside for receivers
Prendergast will be grand behind a big pack – which he has at Leinster and had at U20s in 2023 (Irish pack in 2023 U20s was excellent – got outmuscled by France in final, but only then)
Until he can engage opposition midfield he’s just shovelling ball on sideways with lots of defenders. You’d spot this at U16 fairly sharpish never mind test rugby.
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I seem to remember him making a fair few tackles yesterday though? Maybe not going forwards with the ball in hand, though.
Casey was definitely much faster. Crowley’s kicking was rubbish (again).
As for the pack, Bealham should be fired into the sun now.
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Apart from the kick that Wright carried out from which we scored the winning try by mauling from the lineout ….
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Yes, sure, but I think two out on the full (and another last week), and poor kicks to the corner, and not the greatest conversion rate from the tee.
Don’t get me wrong, I think he’s our second-best option at the moment. Prendergast needs some more game time, which he hasn’t been getting from Leinster, and as you say he needs a better pack.
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Also a few passes into touch rather than a player?
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Jordan Petaia hops off the good ship Wallaby to join the NFL. Is this the rooination of the sport? Sorry, I’ll get my coat.
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Refit, some absolutely stunning tries in that package. I can think of a few more that deserve to be there, such is the quality of rugby these days.
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I do like that Forde has tries from school level all the way to full international.
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Yeah, it was nice too tries from levels other than Twsts.
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Premier Sports have another subscription offer. EPCR70 at checkout for £50 off a year’s subscription.
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Bastards!
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Think I fancy La Rochelle tonight.
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Alternative prediction: match called off due to weather!
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Well, so far Russell has somehow managed to kick a penalty (even if it was in front of the posts), and LAR have just scored. Also under the posts, more or less.
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