The first week of November has come and gone – Diwali lit up the skies, Guy Fawkes (at least down here) Faded to Grey and Blondie wasn’t French Kissing in the USA, as she’d probably be pitchforked by the MAGA mob reprising their Halloween characters, whilst slobbering over their Freedom Fries and burning Kamala Harris in effigy, good, moral American-values folk that they are. So what next? Some Hemispheric Clashes, that’s what! Not just the usual North-South score settling, but some intriguing clashes between the emerging (or submerging in some cases) nations too. The Autumn Internationals are upon us, and we’ll be in the Joy Division, with plenty of Atmosphere:
Ireland v New Zealand
Kicking off proceedings on Friday night, two of the real heavyweights of world rugby at the moment in Ireland, ranked Number 1, and New Zealand, ranked number 3. If the Kiwis win and the Boks lose, the Blackness will be back on top of the world, improbable as that seemed a few short months ago. Ireland are a more settled side, at home, and desperate to avenge the loss in France last year and continue to be the best side between World Cups. Rest assured, nobody will walk away, in silence.
Score? Ireland by 5
Canada v Chile
A bit of a step down in class (difficult not to be!) with two sides trying to make it into the second tier of the global game. Canada have fallen Icarus-like from their heights of the 90s and are now scrapping it out with the likes of Chile below the second tier nations of Japan, Tonga, Samoa, Australia and the like. Chile, fairly battered at the World Cup last year (and by the ruthless, unsmiling Scots in July), have actually had a decent run in 2024, with only that loss so far to the Celtic Curmudgeons. Not much of a song, but Can-Canada do the Locomotion? Nope.
Score? Chile by 10
Spain v Uruguay
Another ‘emerging match’ between a Spanish side slowly making progress and getting the odd scalp (not as odd as Trump’s, mind), but also getting a bit battered by anyone decent. Good Spain beat Tonga and narrowly lost to Samoa on tour to the islands in July, and last year clobbered Canada, but got smashed by Argentina (nobody cried for them. Sorry) and the USA. Uruguay could be a growing side of note, having emerged from the World Cup with some credit – hammered by New Zealand, but not embarrassed by France or Italy and beating Namibia. They’ve built on that with decent displays against Scotland and France in July (although Argentina gave them a lovely, neighbourly beating). Should be a good match!
Score? Uruguay by 5
England v Australia
Ian Curtis coulda written Atmosphere for this match (if the respective fans stop singing Swing Low and Waltzing Matilda for a minute). Actually, it sums up the respective nations’ rugby philosophies at the moment:
Endless talking
Life rebuilding
Don’t walk away
Walk in silence
Don’t turn away, in silence
Your confusion
My illusion
However, the song is too beautifully painful and poignant to waste on this rabble, so Swing Low vs Waltzing Matila it’ll stay. Both sides are rebuilding (Sagrada Familia will be finished first) and bringing through stunning new talent like, um, Will Skelton and George Ford, so expect a clash of epic proportions, something akin to the Stonehenge set in Spinal Tap. No seriously, England will have too much for an Australian side playing with pride and mongrel and not much else.
Score? England by 10
Portugal v USA
Portugal were everyone’s second-favourite side after the Springboks last year, playing a brand of fearless, running rugby and delighting crowds along the way. They thumped the USA and drew with Georgia at the World Cup, and have beaten both Fiji and Namibia away this year. The USA, well, they’re crap. Not as crap as their election results, but pretty crap. And just to stick one to the Orange Furby, I’ll let Lou Reed get under his skin:
Donald came from Miami, F-L-A
Hitch-hiked her way across the USA
Plucked her eyebrows along the way
Shaved her legs and then he was a she
She says, “Hey babe, take a walk on the wild side”
Score? Portugal by 12
Romania v Tonga
I’m flagging a bit, to be fair, at this point, with no secretary to make coffee[Ed: make your own damn coffee; are you Trump?], so it’ll be brief: Romania had a miserable World Cup, getting thrashed by the Boks (quite rightly) and then suffered the indignity of Scottish one-upmanship and shipping 80+ points. Tonga battered them too, before a consolation victory over the USA. Oh, and even Canada beat them this year. Tonga should have way too much for them, but I did my Bru prediction before looking at the form book. Fuck.
Score? Romania by 3
Italy v Argentina
Two sides that are – hopefully – very much on the up. Italy had a great 6N, beating Scotland and Wales, drawing with France and coming within a whisker of England, only getting humped by the Unsmiling Irish. Solid July wins over Tonga and Japan, but up against an Argentina that beat the Kiwis and Boks and hammered Australia in the RC (should’ve beaten them twice). On their day, they’re irresistible, with a beguiling and bewitching combination of power, pace and panache, and frankly, the best side in the world to watch when on song. Sometimes the Fat Lady has laryngitis though.
Score? Argentina by 4
France v Japan
This’ll be pretty one-sided, and a good leg stretch for the French before the serious matches to follow. No point in bemoaning Japan’s fall from grace; it is what it is. Eddie Jones will doubtless be pitching up in Europe with music on his mind, but even Alphaville can’t save him:
You did what you did to me
Now, it’s history I see
Here’s my comeback on the road again
Things will happen while they can
I will wait here for my man tonight
It’s easy when you’re big in Japan
Score? France by 30
Wales v Fiji
Can Wales continue to be as bad as they’ve been lately? To paraphrase the last decent US President “YES THEY CAN!” That said, there’s been some encouraging displays from a couple of their URC sides recently, so they have the ingredients for a decent side, but just seem to be struggling to make much more than a flapjack with them. Will they be luxuriating in the Green, Green Grass of Home, or frantically Holding Out for a Hero come the final whistle? The former, for me, against a frustrating Fiji, who just don’t seem to be able to transfer the brilliance of their 7z into 15z consistently enough.
Score? Wales by 15
Scotland v South Africa
Already getting twitchy for this Sunday afternoon clash. This is a high-quality Scotland side, brimming with quality, talent and intent throughout, but particularly in the back division and the back row. Their kryptonite may be the tight five, especially the replacement forwards, given what they’re up against, but Glasgow in particular have come to the spiritual home of rugby and smashed, grabbed and clubbed their way to wins, so won’t fear much. Will Finn Russell be back in the saddle? Bok fans will hope to go full circle and see him Lose Control; back to you Ian:
Confusion in her eyes that says it all
She’s lost control
And she’s clinging to the nearest passerby
She’s lost control
A titanic struggle, for sure, with the Bok defence scrambling to contain the Scots backs and keep them within sight, until the bomb squad tilts the match in our favour.
Score? South Africa by 6
Top Trumps and Tunes by deebee7
Onna telly in the next week or so
Showing matches that are televised in the UK and Ireland or on popular subscription services. Bold indicates that it’s on a free to view channel. Times are in the UK zone, so adjust as necessary.
Friday 8th November
| Ireland v New Zealand | 20:10 | TNT Sports 1 |
Saturday 9th November
| England v Australia | 15:10 | TNT Sports 1 |
| Italy v Argentina | 17:40 | TNT Sports 2 |
| France v Japan | 20:10 | TNT Sports 2 |
Sunday 10th November
| Wales v Fiji | 13:40 | TNT Sports 1 |
| Scotland v South Africa | 16:10 | TNT Sports 1 |
Ovally Balls 
Yes, that was bizarre. He should have gone off.
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Lahiff and Porter both in the bin, for being shit at scrumaging.
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Blue Meanies turning the taps on now.
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@thaum
On O’Gara – I’ve heard same about the kids – they’re well set in school in France.
He’s more likely to coach England than Ireland.
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Then POM reacted
If O’Mahony doesn’t react – Casey lands on his head – it’s his intervention that forces Casey sideways.
One of the Stade players has his hands to his head as he sees the whole thing unfolding
Complete madness….
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Trisk
He’s more likely to coach England than Ireland.
Heresy!
Re the Casey/POM situation – it all went into a complete mêlée at that point (and I’m using the English meaning of the word, and don’t mean a scrum), and I couldn’t really see what quite happened. POM definitely came up bleeding, and my first thought, before seeing any replays was that he’d been targeted again. We all know he’s not a man to back down. If he stopped Casey being dropped on his head, then that’s obviously a good thing.
Have to say that your man Crowley had a very good match, and made some seemingly impossible kicks in the conditions. Why can’t he play that way for Ireland?
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Re ROG, I think he’s more likely to coach France than England.
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POM definitely came up bleeding
If you watch the footage – there’s an attempt at a gouge on O’Mahony but ends up hitting him closer to the ear.
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Rumour down here is that Franco Smith is being lined up as next Director of Rugby after Rassie, with ROG as Head Coach.
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It’s possible I just made that up to piss off people on both sides of the Irish Sea.
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On Crowley, first problem is that Gibson Park doesn’t pass to him. Maybe because he thinks he’s the senior partner, maybe and more plausibly because Ireland play with additional receivers like Hansen and Keenan. But vs NZ, Crowley got maybe 12 possessions in the 1st half
Whatever way it works, Crowley gets fewer possessions than he would at Munster. By definition then – every mistake (and every player makes them) is a higher percentage.
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Try of the round from the weekend. Some good tries (liked the Munster and Capuozzo ones), but NOT, repeat NOT George Horne’s second try against Sale (and his first and third ones weren’t too shabby either). Some mistake here shirley…
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ROG wants a Test gig! Just not with Wales – he’d settle for England, Ireland or France, according to a very good interview with him in the Graun. I like his candour and reading of the psychology of the game. And I promise not to post any videos of his victorious contribution to the Boks in 2009.
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And I pow romise not to post any videos of his victorious contribution to the Boks in 2009
Shouldn’t have been allowed to play on – clearly concussed.
Wales right now are the proverbial poisoned chalice – I doubt any up and coming coach would risk their reputation there.
It might start to come good under Gatland and someone else reap the rewads. Looking at their U20s – one wonders if there’s any immediate i mprovement possible. Its not the be-all and end all but it’s a guide to the state of the game. Same for the regional teams – they’re not generally doing well in the URC
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Here’s the interview; definitely worth a read: https://www.theguardian.com/sport/2024/dec/09/rugby-union-la-rochelle-ronan-o-gara-champions-cup-france-ireland-england
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Bloody hell. In the article about the English RWc winners and their subsequent struggles with ill health and mental problems, there is a quote from Sam Whitelock cataloguing his injuries. You wonder that he ever was able to play. I would be amazed if somebody like Etzebeth didn’t have similar problems by the end of his career.
“Scrum toe, a broken little toe, multiple ankle and high-ankle sprains, a broken ankle and torn ankle tendons, a torn Achilles tendon, twice, torn calf muscles, a partial tear of a posterior cruciate ligament, a pulled quadricep, a pulled hamstring, a torn adductor, a sports hernia, snapping hip syndrome, multiple cracked ribs, broken fingers, thumb and hand, hyperextended fingers, torn ligaments in a wrist, hyperextended elbows, a torn labrum in the left shoulder, disc bulges and stress fractures in the thoracic spine, infected wisdom teeth, multiple broken noses, a blot clot in my nasal passage, multiple cuts on my brow and head, an eyelid sliced open, a hole torn in my ear and multiple concussions and delayed concussions.”
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To be fair, the infected wisdom teeth might not be rugby-related….
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Thaum – or it could be they mean that Refit’s chucked himself out of bed again.
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Let’s hope not!
I lost all my wisdom teeth when I was 19. I don’t miss them. But maybe that’s because I don’t have enough wisdom.
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BB – that made me giggle.
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Just make sure you stay safe and healthy over the holiday time Refit. I suppose you can be comforted by the fact that Australia and New Zealand won’t be playing any matches for the forseeable…
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Pffft, I got most of the Whitelock injuries from agricultural fencing and catching sheep for the shearers.
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I was thinking about this today in fact. There were times when I could not raise my arms because of the pain of the RSIs in my elbows. There was a period where I had to tap in staples with my left hand because my right wrist was completely shot from using a hammer for eight hours a day, six days a week.
My knees and back were fucked from carrying massive weights on my shoulder because a Landrover couldn’t get to where we were working.
One time a stallion bit me on the shoulder for having the audacity to be in his field. We often had to repair live electric fencing for reasons too long to go in to.
I’ll stop before going full Python Yorkshireman
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Oh one more – a cracked rib from a disgruntled ewe that ran around the ring after I’d caught her and delivered her to the shearer – she jumped and butted me square in the ribs as I was leaning over another one.
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(that was coincidence, sheep jump like that, as BB will no doubt tell you)
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‘leaning over another one’, that’ll teach you, you bloody pervert!
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Dirty bugger that Ticht is seems to have killed the blog. Let’s move on. Castres-Munster seems to be thr pick of this evening’s matches?
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Well, except that any match featuring Castres is a borefest, as Flair’s previously pointed out.
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True. Castres been awful so far.
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Oh. Hang on, they’ve now kicked off!
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So far, it’s more exciting than expected! Castres have failed to score twice.
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And now they have scored. But not converted.
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Crowley has done a complete reverse from last week and is playing like shit.
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That’s not how you tackle.
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No, that’s the worst way to tackle. Don’t think we’ll be seeing him again. Looked like he was made of jelly afterwards.
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Now Casey’s buggered, and being carried off … by the shoulders of taller men.
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Now another Munster player is down. This is a disaster for them. Castres have scored again, too.
This one’s being checked for foul play.
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Honestly, every time Crowley puts boot to ball, it’s bad. Missed (easy) penalty, out on the full, kick to nowhere, straight into oppo player just now, etc.
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But yay! Hodnett (sp?) has scored.
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And Crowley actually makes the conversion! So it’s 10-7 as Castres can’t kick either.
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And that’s the score at HT as Castres butcher a try-scoring opportunity (again).
Not the rugby of your dreams.
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Now POM seems to have injured his ankle. But being POM, he’s staying on, at least for now.
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Nope, he’s going off.
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Munster’s left wing (Abraham?) now also injured and going off.
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Calvin Nash now looks like he’s having a finger reinserted in its socket, or something.
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Hodnett’s scored again even though it looked like a knock-on in the run-up, but apparently wasn’t.
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Crowley converts to take Munster a point ahead.
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But Castres win a penalty to go ahead again.
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Munster win a penalty – a long one – in the dying seconds. They eschew the kick at goal, probably quite sensibly, but Crowley fails to find touch and that’s that. 16-14.
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