The first week of November has come and gone – Diwali lit up the skies, Guy Fawkes (at least down here) Faded to Grey and Blondie wasn’t French Kissing in the USA, as she’d probably be pitchforked by the MAGA mob reprising their Halloween characters, whilst slobbering over their Freedom Fries and burning Kamala Harris in effigy, good, moral American-values folk that they are. So what next? Some Hemispheric Clashes, that’s what! Not just the usual North-South score settling, but some intriguing clashes between the emerging (or submerging in some cases) nations too. The Autumn Internationals are upon us, and we’ll be in the Joy Division, with plenty of Atmosphere:
Ireland v New Zealand
Kicking off proceedings on Friday night, two of the real heavyweights of world rugby at the moment in Ireland, ranked Number 1, and New Zealand, ranked number 3. If the Kiwis win and the Boks lose, the Blackness will be back on top of the world, improbable as that seemed a few short months ago. Ireland are a more settled side, at home, and desperate to avenge the loss in France last year and continue to be the best side between World Cups. Rest assured, nobody will walk away, in silence.
Score? Ireland by 5
Canada v Chile
A bit of a step down in class (difficult not to be!) with two sides trying to make it into the second tier of the global game. Canada have fallen Icarus-like from their heights of the 90s and are now scrapping it out with the likes of Chile below the second tier nations of Japan, Tonga, Samoa, Australia and the like. Chile, fairly battered at the World Cup last year (and by the ruthless, unsmiling Scots in July), have actually had a decent run in 2024, with only that loss so far to the Celtic Curmudgeons. Not much of a song, but Can-Canada do the Locomotion? Nope.
Score? Chile by 10
Spain v Uruguay
Another ‘emerging match’ between a Spanish side slowly making progress and getting the odd scalp (not as odd as Trump’s, mind), but also getting a bit battered by anyone decent. Good Spain beat Tonga and narrowly lost to Samoa on tour to the islands in July, and last year clobbered Canada, but got smashed by Argentina (nobody cried for them. Sorry) and the USA. Uruguay could be a growing side of note, having emerged from the World Cup with some credit – hammered by New Zealand, but not embarrassed by France or Italy and beating Namibia. They’ve built on that with decent displays against Scotland and France in July (although Argentina gave them a lovely, neighbourly beating). Should be a good match!
Score? Uruguay by 5
England v Australia
Ian Curtis coulda written Atmosphere for this match (if the respective fans stop singing Swing Low and Waltzing Matilda for a minute). Actually, it sums up the respective nations’ rugby philosophies at the moment:
Endless talking
Life rebuilding
Don’t walk away
Walk in silence
Don’t turn away, in silence
Your confusion
My illusion
However, the song is too beautifully painful and poignant to waste on this rabble, so Swing Low vs Waltzing Matila it’ll stay. Both sides are rebuilding (Sagrada Familia will be finished first) and bringing through stunning new talent like, um, Will Skelton and George Ford, so expect a clash of epic proportions, something akin to the Stonehenge set in Spinal Tap. No seriously, England will have too much for an Australian side playing with pride and mongrel and not much else.
Score? England by 10
Portugal v USA
Portugal were everyone’s second-favourite side after the Springboks last year, playing a brand of fearless, running rugby and delighting crowds along the way. They thumped the USA and drew with Georgia at the World Cup, and have beaten both Fiji and Namibia away this year. The USA, well, they’re crap. Not as crap as their election results, but pretty crap. And just to stick one to the Orange Furby, I’ll let Lou Reed get under his skin:
Donald came from Miami, F-L-A
Hitch-hiked her way across the USA
Plucked her eyebrows along the way
Shaved her legs and then he was a she
She says, “Hey babe, take a walk on the wild side”
Score? Portugal by 12
Romania v Tonga
I’m flagging a bit, to be fair, at this point, with no secretary to make coffee[Ed: make your own damn coffee; are you Trump?], so it’ll be brief: Romania had a miserable World Cup, getting thrashed by the Boks (quite rightly) and then suffered the indignity of Scottish one-upmanship and shipping 80+ points. Tonga battered them too, before a consolation victory over the USA. Oh, and even Canada beat them this year. Tonga should have way too much for them, but I did my Bru prediction before looking at the form book. Fuck.
Score? Romania by 3
Italy v Argentina
Two sides that are – hopefully – very much on the up. Italy had a great 6N, beating Scotland and Wales, drawing with France and coming within a whisker of England, only getting humped by the Unsmiling Irish. Solid July wins over Tonga and Japan, but up against an Argentina that beat the Kiwis and Boks and hammered Australia in the RC (should’ve beaten them twice). On their day, they’re irresistible, with a beguiling and bewitching combination of power, pace and panache, and frankly, the best side in the world to watch when on song. Sometimes the Fat Lady has laryngitis though.
Score? Argentina by 4
France v Japan
This’ll be pretty one-sided, and a good leg stretch for the French before the serious matches to follow. No point in bemoaning Japan’s fall from grace; it is what it is. Eddie Jones will doubtless be pitching up in Europe with music on his mind, but even Alphaville can’t save him:
You did what you did to me
Now, it’s history I see
Here’s my comeback on the road again
Things will happen while they can
I will wait here for my man tonight
It’s easy when you’re big in Japan
Score? France by 30
Wales v Fiji
Can Wales continue to be as bad as they’ve been lately? To paraphrase the last decent US President “YES THEY CAN!” That said, there’s been some encouraging displays from a couple of their URC sides recently, so they have the ingredients for a decent side, but just seem to be struggling to make much more than a flapjack with them. Will they be luxuriating in the Green, Green Grass of Home, or frantically Holding Out for a Hero come the final whistle? The former, for me, against a frustrating Fiji, who just don’t seem to be able to transfer the brilliance of their 7z into 15z consistently enough.
Score? Wales by 15
Scotland v South Africa
Already getting twitchy for this Sunday afternoon clash. This is a high-quality Scotland side, brimming with quality, talent and intent throughout, but particularly in the back division and the back row. Their kryptonite may be the tight five, especially the replacement forwards, given what they’re up against, but Glasgow in particular have come to the spiritual home of rugby and smashed, grabbed and clubbed their way to wins, so won’t fear much. Will Finn Russell be back in the saddle? Bok fans will hope to go full circle and see him Lose Control; back to you Ian:
Confusion in her eyes that says it all
She’s lost control
And she’s clinging to the nearest passerby
She’s lost control
A titanic struggle, for sure, with the Bok defence scrambling to contain the Scots backs and keep them within sight, until the bomb squad tilts the match in our favour.
Score? South Africa by 6
Top Trumps and Tunes by deebee7
Onna telly in the next week or so
Showing matches that are televised in the UK and Ireland or on popular subscription services. Bold indicates that it’s on a free to view channel. Times are in the UK zone, so adjust as necessary.
Friday 8th November
| Ireland v New Zealand | 20:10 | TNT Sports 1 |
Saturday 9th November
| England v Australia | 15:10 | TNT Sports 1 |
| Italy v Argentina | 17:40 | TNT Sports 2 |
| France v Japan | 20:10 | TNT Sports 2 |
Sunday 10th November
| Wales v Fiji | 13:40 | TNT Sports 1 |
| Scotland v South Africa | 16:10 | TNT Sports 1 |
Ovally Balls 
Done!
You’ve missed a few things. Flair has recently broken a shoulder falling off a bike, but Refit went one better and broke AND dislocated both shoulders falling out of bed.
So be careful out there.
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Wotcha Slade, good to see you again.
Maybe Exeter will have a change of fortune, with your return to the blog?
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I only dislocated the one shoulder Thaum, don’t make it sound worse that it was 😅.
You should see the hardware I’ve got now –
https://www.facebook.com/share/p/1DLvTx6NaN/
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Can’t see it, Refit! Not shared, or something.
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I’ve made that I’ve public, you should be able to see it now.
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Blimey, it looks like dentures for a shark.
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Just seen a news segment on that persecuted minority, fox-hunters.
It’s funny how this ‘sport that unites rural communities’ can only find really, really posh spokespersons. I don’t think farmers are generally too keen on getting their land trampled by a load of Hooray Henri/ettas.
And I’m a person who understands the thrill of galloping across country on horseback, jumping walls and ditches, with a pack of hounds. I adore horses and hounds; I have a Trailhound, which is mostly descended from foxhounds. She is, however, not the slightest bit interested in ripping a fox to bits, and was trained to genuinely follow a trail for the purpose of racing, not killing. (They do ten miles over the fells in about half an hour.)
So I don’t buy the argument that ‘sometimes hounds just go after foxes; it’s in their blood’. No, they are trained to do that, just as Trailhounds are trained to ignore not just foxes, but also sheep and any other livestock or wildlife they may encounter during their race.
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If our hound were a rugby player, she’d be an extremely fit and agile back, capable of scoring seemingly impossible tries by miraculously evading 15 defenders, but who hates to go into contact. She might just jump over some of them, as they can easily clear 5′, and often 6′.
Then she’d want a big cuddle with lots of belly and ear rubs.
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Your hound sounds very much like Cheslin Kolbe, although I’ve not seen him demand cuddles and belly and ear rubs. Not on the pitch, anyway!
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I was thinking maybe Cippers?
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Sort of had Shane Williams in mind!
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“So I don’t buy the argument that ‘sometimes hounds just go after foxes; it’s in their blood’. No, they are trained to do that, just as Trailhounds are trained to ignore not just foxes, but also sheep and any other livestock or wildlife they may encounter during their race.”
I once had a boss who was a Master of Hounds in Sussex. I was in a car with him and one of his hunting tosspot friends. I said “I don’t know why you lot can’t just go drag hunting” and she lost her temper at me. She used the term, “it’s a natural life and a natural death”
Me laughing didn’t help matters, but there we go.
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It’s taken nearly nine minutes for Leinster to get their first try.
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Come on Bristol!
My dad’s at the match, I’m not sure how my shoulders would hold up for 80+ minutes, unsupported, in the cold, so I’m back on his sofa, watching on TV.
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Thaum – slackers.
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Feck, Raffi Quirke scores for Sale on 2 mins.
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0-10 to Sale, after 10 mins. They’ve been slightly on top of everything so far.
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Munster are really quite poor: they’ve blown several chances at scoring, plus knock-ons, forward passes, kicks too far, etc. Leinster do have a man in the bin.
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Bristol lucky the ref isn’t very picky this evening – none of their lineouts have been straight.
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Nobody cares about whether line-outs are straight any more. Perhaps because of the new law coming in.
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Prendergast scores.
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Yellow for Randall, pulling back Cowan-Dickie as Sale broke from a lineout.
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Sam Prendergast is beginning to look the part, I think
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Second try for Sale, good long pass from Ford, after several phases in front of the posts.
0-17 25 mins.
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Fucking hell, Munster’s line-out is worse than ours!
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Ticht – yes. Burns, on the other hand, is having a nightmare.
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Phew! 0-14 at HT, despite Munster having the vast majority of possession and territory. They will have been glad for the whistle.
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Bristol currently being nilled, with 90secs left in the first half. Drop goal from Ford takes them to 0-20.
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And that’s half time in Bristol.
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Good night for the away teams so far. Hope it continues tomorrow in Edinburgh. Although Edinburgh will need to improve hugely to have a chance.
Ticht – if Embra lose, will that be it for Everitt?
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TRY Ahearn! My
doghound, they made that difficult.LikeLike
More ‘big team’ reffing going on here, which the lads on commentary were moaning about before the match started, based on Hansen’s outburst. Have to say I don’t disagree with all of it at all, at all.
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“if Embra lose, will that be it for Everitt?”
He seems like a very decent bloke, BB and he’s very popular with the players by all accounts.
Which of course means nothing in elite sport.
I’ve heard other fans from other sports wishing for a poor result in order to bring about a change in regime and I’m beginning to understand it. There is nothing in Edinburgh’s play that suggests to me that a team choc-full of international players is being prepared properly – the same guys that play well for Scotland are performing poorly week after week for Edinburgh and the lack of leadership on the park is embarrassing.
As a team their confidence is shot – the difference in swagger between Glasgow and Edinburgh is huge.
I have it from a horse’s mouth that the camp is not a happy one, they are negative and bickering – there is dire need of a change of atmosphere and I’m not sure Everitt is the guy to bring that about.
Elsewhere Sharks fans really don’t rate him, the Durban base lot had lots of money thrown at their squad it returned very little for the investment under his guidance.
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And VdF scores for Leinster.
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After Ryan has thrown the ball off the ground.
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Oh bloody hell. Ben Curry with a great read, picking off a pass on the Bristol line to stroll under the posts. 0-30 after 50 mins.
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That’s awful, Refit!
The inexcusable reffing continues in this match.
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Munster don’t look a good side at the moment
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Somehow Ben Curry gets back to stop the Bristol 14 scoring on the break.
Bristol then cock up a lineout on the Sale line and another on half way, following a Sale clearance.
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Thaum, I don’t see much wrong with the refereeing tbh.
The difference in how well drilled the two sides are is patently obvious.
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Cain Healy – 285 games for Leinster, and counting.
What a career!
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Doris gets the BPT.
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Ticht
Cain has been quite Abel. :-)
Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think Munster have played well at all this evening. But the reffing is very one-sided, just as it has been against Ulster the last couple of matches, and apparently Connacht feel the same way.
I try not to complain about refs (much), but it’s really been egregious.
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FML! Bristol right on Sale’s line. They get a pen and tap. One of the passes is short and O’Flaherty breaks down field. He has support and gets the ball back to score a blinder.
0-38 67 mins
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Now one of our flankers, Owen, has knocked himself out trying to charge down a clearance (head on hip).
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Sale haven’t even got a losing bonus point, on the road, this season.
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Well, that’s it: 7-28.
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Ticht – watching Edinburgh last week and there was really very little from them. I think Duhan had one run (which was a bit like THAT try against England, until he ran into George Horne), plus they did actually seem to have the upper hand at the scrum, but I’m not sure they were in our 22 for the whole of the first half. They were better in the second half, but nothing until the 2 Venter tries (and Franco will be bealin’ about those).
Not sure who would be available if they did get rid. Anybody in the backroom staff that might be worth looking at, or go for somebody outside the SRU structure?
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Bristol come close again, breaking down field. Marmion takes the last pass, but he’s off balance and Sale turn the ball over.
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