The first week of November has come and gone – Diwali lit up the skies, Guy Fawkes (at least down here) Faded to Grey and Blondie wasn’t French Kissing in the USA, as she’d probably be pitchforked by the MAGA mob reprising their Halloween characters, whilst slobbering over their Freedom Fries and burning Kamala Harris in effigy, good, moral American-values folk that they are. So what next? Some Hemispheric Clashes, that’s what! Not just the usual North-South score settling, but some intriguing clashes between the emerging (or submerging in some cases) nations too. The Autumn Internationals are upon us, and we’ll be in the Joy Division, with plenty of Atmosphere:
Ireland v New Zealand
Kicking off proceedings on Friday night, two of the real heavyweights of world rugby at the moment in Ireland, ranked Number 1, and New Zealand, ranked number 3. If the Kiwis win and the Boks lose, the Blackness will be back on top of the world, improbable as that seemed a few short months ago. Ireland are a more settled side, at home, and desperate to avenge the loss in France last year and continue to be the best side between World Cups. Rest assured, nobody will walk away, in silence.
Score? Ireland by 5
Canada v Chile
A bit of a step down in class (difficult not to be!) with two sides trying to make it into the second tier of the global game. Canada have fallen Icarus-like from their heights of the 90s and are now scrapping it out with the likes of Chile below the second tier nations of Japan, Tonga, Samoa, Australia and the like. Chile, fairly battered at the World Cup last year (and by the ruthless, unsmiling Scots in July), have actually had a decent run in 2024, with only that loss so far to the Celtic Curmudgeons. Not much of a song, but Can-Canada do the Locomotion? Nope.
Score? Chile by 10
Spain v Uruguay
Another ‘emerging match’ between a Spanish side slowly making progress and getting the odd scalp (not as odd as Trump’s, mind), but also getting a bit battered by anyone decent. Good Spain beat Tonga and narrowly lost to Samoa on tour to the islands in July, and last year clobbered Canada, but got smashed by Argentina (nobody cried for them. Sorry) and the USA. Uruguay could be a growing side of note, having emerged from the World Cup with some credit – hammered by New Zealand, but not embarrassed by France or Italy and beating Namibia. They’ve built on that with decent displays against Scotland and France in July (although Argentina gave them a lovely, neighbourly beating). Should be a good match!
Score? Uruguay by 5
England v Australia
Ian Curtis coulda written Atmosphere for this match (if the respective fans stop singing Swing Low and Waltzing Matilda for a minute). Actually, it sums up the respective nations’ rugby philosophies at the moment:
Endless talking
Life rebuilding
Don’t walk away
Walk in silence
Don’t turn away, in silence
Your confusion
My illusion
However, the song is too beautifully painful and poignant to waste on this rabble, so Swing Low vs Waltzing Matila it’ll stay. Both sides are rebuilding (Sagrada Familia will be finished first) and bringing through stunning new talent like, um, Will Skelton and George Ford, so expect a clash of epic proportions, something akin to the Stonehenge set in Spinal Tap. No seriously, England will have too much for an Australian side playing with pride and mongrel and not much else.
Score? England by 10
Portugal v USA
Portugal were everyone’s second-favourite side after the Springboks last year, playing a brand of fearless, running rugby and delighting crowds along the way. They thumped the USA and drew with Georgia at the World Cup, and have beaten both Fiji and Namibia away this year. The USA, well, they’re crap. Not as crap as their election results, but pretty crap. And just to stick one to the Orange Furby, I’ll let Lou Reed get under his skin:
Donald came from Miami, F-L-A
Hitch-hiked her way across the USA
Plucked her eyebrows along the way
Shaved her legs and then he was a she
She says, “Hey babe, take a walk on the wild side”
Score? Portugal by 12
Romania v Tonga
I’m flagging a bit, to be fair, at this point, with no secretary to make coffee[Ed: make your own damn coffee; are you Trump?], so it’ll be brief: Romania had a miserable World Cup, getting thrashed by the Boks (quite rightly) and then suffered the indignity of Scottish one-upmanship and shipping 80+ points. Tonga battered them too, before a consolation victory over the USA. Oh, and even Canada beat them this year. Tonga should have way too much for them, but I did my Bru prediction before looking at the form book. Fuck.
Score? Romania by 3
Italy v Argentina
Two sides that are – hopefully – very much on the up. Italy had a great 6N, beating Scotland and Wales, drawing with France and coming within a whisker of England, only getting humped by the Unsmiling Irish. Solid July wins over Tonga and Japan, but up against an Argentina that beat the Kiwis and Boks and hammered Australia in the RC (should’ve beaten them twice). On their day, they’re irresistible, with a beguiling and bewitching combination of power, pace and panache, and frankly, the best side in the world to watch when on song. Sometimes the Fat Lady has laryngitis though.
Score? Argentina by 4
France v Japan
This’ll be pretty one-sided, and a good leg stretch for the French before the serious matches to follow. No point in bemoaning Japan’s fall from grace; it is what it is. Eddie Jones will doubtless be pitching up in Europe with music on his mind, but even Alphaville can’t save him:
You did what you did to me
Now, it’s history I see
Here’s my comeback on the road again
Things will happen while they can
I will wait here for my man tonight
It’s easy when you’re big in Japan
Score? France by 30
Wales v Fiji
Can Wales continue to be as bad as they’ve been lately? To paraphrase the last decent US President “YES THEY CAN!” That said, there’s been some encouraging displays from a couple of their URC sides recently, so they have the ingredients for a decent side, but just seem to be struggling to make much more than a flapjack with them. Will they be luxuriating in the Green, Green Grass of Home, or frantically Holding Out for a Hero come the final whistle? The former, for me, against a frustrating Fiji, who just don’t seem to be able to transfer the brilliance of their 7z into 15z consistently enough.
Score? Wales by 15
Scotland v South Africa
Already getting twitchy for this Sunday afternoon clash. This is a high-quality Scotland side, brimming with quality, talent and intent throughout, but particularly in the back division and the back row. Their kryptonite may be the tight five, especially the replacement forwards, given what they’re up against, but Glasgow in particular have come to the spiritual home of rugby and smashed, grabbed and clubbed their way to wins, so won’t fear much. Will Finn Russell be back in the saddle? Bok fans will hope to go full circle and see him Lose Control; back to you Ian:
Confusion in her eyes that says it all
She’s lost control
And she’s clinging to the nearest passerby
She’s lost control
A titanic struggle, for sure, with the Bok defence scrambling to contain the Scots backs and keep them within sight, until the bomb squad tilts the match in our favour.
Score? South Africa by 6
Top Trumps and Tunes by deebee7
Onna telly in the next week or so
Showing matches that are televised in the UK and Ireland or on popular subscription services. Bold indicates that it’s on a free to view channel. Times are in the UK zone, so adjust as necessary.
Friday 8th November
| Ireland v New Zealand | 20:10 | TNT Sports 1 |
Saturday 9th November
| England v Australia | 15:10 | TNT Sports 1 |
| Italy v Argentina | 17:40 | TNT Sports 2 |
| France v Japan | 20:10 | TNT Sports 2 |
Sunday 10th November
| Wales v Fiji | 13:40 | TNT Sports 1 |
| Scotland v South Africa | 16:10 | TNT Sports 1 |
Ovally Balls 
Sione’s oot of the 6N
@bb
Rumour has it – it’s a torn pec? I recall Foxy Davies got one back in the day and missed 3-4 months
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Yup, that seems to be the case. Might hinder his Lionz* chances if he doesn’t get back quickly (and might hinder them if he comes back too quickly). Also, Cummings is out with a broken arm, which puts more strain on our lock choices. He’s been good the last season or so and perhaps was an outside bet for the Lionz.
*Lionz, to separate them from Deebee’s Lions
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It’s a shame he didn’t get more international caps
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Eddie Jones to ITV as a pundit for the 6 Nations. I’m sure it’ll be balanced and inciteful!
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Insightful is what I meant. Been watching too much Trump!
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😏 Eddie can only incite fights or sledging. Should be a terrific atmosphere in the studio.
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Deebee, don’t watch him, he’ll boast about it.
I can’t think of a single nice thing I could say about him, therefore according to common wisdom, I shouldn’t say anything at all, but that malevolent ignorant liar will do, and has already done a lot of harm. Can’t wait for the world to be rid of him.
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For clarity, Flair, are we talking EJ or Trump?
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@flair
A work colleague of mine told a story / joke about Franco’s Spain…
everyday for years a guy walks down to the newspaper stand in the morning – buys a newpaper – looks at the front page and puts it in the bin.
Finally, the newspaper seller asks “everyday you buy a newspaper, look at the front page, and put it in the bin…why?”
The man replies – “when the thing I’m waiting for happens – it’s definitely going to be on the front page!”
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Speaking of Spain and fascists, did you see Trump droning on about Spain being a BRICS country that would be punished?
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I only read about Trump, as I need to know what’s in store for us but I don’t want to suffer more pain watching his ridiculous mug and his ludicrous voice.
Trisk that’s an excellent joke. The best humour usually comes from oppressed people, whether the Jews in Europe or the east Europeans under Stalin’s thumb. Let’s hope we are not the next in line.
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Left a ” hearing” on my keyboard there .
Ach…
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One for CMW and other club cricket followers:
https://www.theguardian.com/sport/2025/jan/22/cricket-beer-brewery-the-spin-sustainability
I’ve made my own wine before (on a commercial farm, 250 a year for three years – very nice it was too!) but my beer making efforts were pretty lousy.
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It’s good that the RFU aren’t out of touch…
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Of course, he’s giving it to charity.
The Bill Sweeney Benevolent Fund.
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France 23, weaker by the day, Wales by 25:
Grégory Alldritt (La Rochelle)
Uini Atonio (La Rochelle)
Hugo Auradou (Pau)
Cyril Baille (Toulouse)
Paul Boudehent (La Rochelle)
Joshua Brennan (Toulouse)
Georges-Henri Colombe (La Rochelle)
François Cros (Toulouse)
Jean-Baptiste Gros (Toulon)
Mickaël Guillard (Lyon)
Oscar Jegou (La Rochelle)
Julien Marchand (Toulouse)
Peato Mauvaka (Toulouse)
Emmanuel Meafou (Toulouse)
Louis Bielle-Biarrey (UBB)
Pierre-Louis Barassi (Toulouse)
Antoine Dupont (Toulouse)
Émilien Gailleton (Pau)
Nolann Le Garrec (Racing 92)
Yoram Moefana (UBB)
Romain Ntamack (Toulouse)
Damian Penaud (UBB)
Thomas Ramos (Toulouse)
No Flament, injured. Ach…
I expect the starting XV to be:
Gros Mauvaka Atonio
Meafou Guillard
Cros Alldritt Boudehent
Dupont Ntamack
Moefana Barassi
LBB Ramos Penaud
Bench:
Baille Marchand Colombe
Brennan Jegou Auradou
Le Garrec Gailleton
Missing through injury: mostly Ollivon, Jelonch, Flament, Fickou, Danty, Tuilagi, Buros.
Sent back to their clubs: a whole contingent from UBB: Lucu, Depoortere, Jalibert, Lamothe, and a few others from Toulon, Halagahu, Villiere etc…
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With respect, for Wales to win by 25, France have to have a negative score. Probably -22 or thereabouts!
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Trying to find a link to the statement on the 20 min red card for the 6N
Some confusing thing in that if you get 2 technical yellows (? – I presume offiside or dropping the scrum) – it;s only a 20 min red – so you get replaced by a team after 2nd yellow expires.
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We’ve got a red weather warning for tomorrow, so tonight we had the Government’s red alert text. Wondered what was making that siren sound on my phone…
All schools are closed in Glasgow tomorrow (and other places), basically everybody’s being told to stay at home.
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It’s okay, I checked and there are no rugby matches scheduled in either Scotland or NI tomorrow or Saturday.
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Glasgow were going to play Connacht tomorrow, but it’s been changed to Sunday. It was actually changed when we were just under an Amber Warning.
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Ah, that’s fortunate! Apart from anything else, Connacht may have struggled to get to Glasgow.
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I know it’s ‘only’ 7z, but Uruguay just beat the All Blacks in Perth! Led from start to finish too!
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My dad, ever the master of rural understatement, would have considered this red weather warning to be “a bit blowy”. He may even have gone as far as saying “It’s gey windy”.
And mum would have had to practically tie him to the chair to stop him heading out to the hill..
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Was pretty windy here overnight – windows are filthy.
Power went off about 00h30 – as evidenced by the neighbour’s house alarm (shes in Nashville – supposed to return today but pushed out to Sunday)
Power came back at about 10h00….
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Can we fast forward to next weekend already? I need 6N!
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Staggering photo from Porthcawl of a bloke juxtapositioned against a huge wave in the Graun. Stay safe, all. Warm and safe.
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Apparently that bloke didn’t heed the government warnings that said STAY AWAY FROM THE COAST.
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Ye gods, the heavens have just properly opened in Swansea. The stands have just emptied of the few fans that were watching.
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Floodgates opened on the field too!
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God these commentators at Ellis Park are terrible.
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Rugby not a helluva lot better. Lions 11-10 up though which is good for global rugby.
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Ulsterman Marcel Coetzee scores for the Bulls. Bastard. 22-30 to the Bulls with 12 to go.
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22-37 as the Bulls bench cranks it up.
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Edinburgh hooker binned after 23 minutes. Cynical bloody Scots. From the penalty, Scarlets drive up the lineout and over! 13-0 as the conversion sails over!
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Scarlets get one binned now too. No idea, I was prepping the braai. Edinburgh over for a maul try themselves, and it’s 13-7 with 8 to go to the break.
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It was Fifita getting the card – stuck out an arm and clotheslined an Embra player round the neck. Looked more careless, than malicious.
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Edinburgh scored again whilst I was prepping the sauce. 13-12 at oranges.
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Would you believe that Mike Brown is in the middle of a scrap?
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Brown decided to pick on the Glaws #3, who was apparently a (real*) wrestler, back in Russia. Never accused him of being bright.
*As opposed to WWE style,
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I don’t think I’ll ever get tired of seeing him do this
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Booo! The Bristol game isn’t on TV today.
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Thought TNT were showing all the premiership games? It’s on the Discovery+ website.
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Ah, I didn’t realise they’re streaming the non-TV matches. I’m glad I’ve got my PS4 to watch it through, as the red-button bit is almost unusable on the set-top box.
Cheers.
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Mind you, the app isn’t much better – laggy as hell in the menus and the schedule ‘wobbles’ back and forth, as it jumps to the start time of programs. It’s really unpleasant to use.
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I’ve got one of those Amazon stick thingies which sits in the back of the TV in the kitchen (my TV), so I access it via that, or through the website on my laptop. It’s OK, but not as easy to flick between channels as on the old BT sport site.
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Bristol have scored twice in the first 6 mins, once from a maul and then Heward picking up a loose Falcons pass. 14-0, could be a long afternoon for Newcastle.
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Newcastle did well to come back and were only 3 points down, until a yellow card in the 66th minute. Now Bristol have scored 17 points in the last 10 mins and are chucking the ball around with abandon.
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Newcastle did score another, but Bristol finished the game with another try in the 81st minute. 55-33
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Glasgow blow over The Wesht 22-19 in a gale. We had 22 players missing, either injured or away with the Scotland team. Wee Dunky was captain, apparently the first time he’s done so!
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