The first week of November has come and gone – Diwali lit up the skies, Guy Fawkes (at least down here) Faded to Grey and Blondie wasn’t French Kissing in the USA, as she’d probably be pitchforked by the MAGA mob reprising their Halloween characters, whilst slobbering over their Freedom Fries and burning Kamala Harris in effigy, good, moral American-values folk that they are. So what next? Some Hemispheric Clashes, that’s what! Not just the usual North-South score settling, but some intriguing clashes between the emerging (or submerging in some cases) nations too. The Autumn Internationals are upon us, and we’ll be in the Joy Division, with plenty of Atmosphere:
Ireland v New Zealand
Kicking off proceedings on Friday night, two of the real heavyweights of world rugby at the moment in Ireland, ranked Number 1, and New Zealand, ranked number 3. If the Kiwis win and the Boks lose, the Blackness will be back on top of the world, improbable as that seemed a few short months ago. Ireland are a more settled side, at home, and desperate to avenge the loss in France last year and continue to be the best side between World Cups. Rest assured, nobody will walk away, in silence.
Score? Ireland by 5
Canada v Chile
A bit of a step down in class (difficult not to be!) with two sides trying to make it into the second tier of the global game. Canada have fallen Icarus-like from their heights of the 90s and are now scrapping it out with the likes of Chile below the second tier nations of Japan, Tonga, Samoa, Australia and the like. Chile, fairly battered at the World Cup last year (and by the ruthless, unsmiling Scots in July), have actually had a decent run in 2024, with only that loss so far to the Celtic Curmudgeons. Not much of a song, but Can-Canada do the Locomotion? Nope.
Score? Chile by 10
Spain v Uruguay
Another ‘emerging match’ between a Spanish side slowly making progress and getting the odd scalp (not as odd as Trump’s, mind), but also getting a bit battered by anyone decent. Good Spain beat Tonga and narrowly lost to Samoa on tour to the islands in July, and last year clobbered Canada, but got smashed by Argentina (nobody cried for them. Sorry) and the USA. Uruguay could be a growing side of note, having emerged from the World Cup with some credit – hammered by New Zealand, but not embarrassed by France or Italy and beating Namibia. They’ve built on that with decent displays against Scotland and France in July (although Argentina gave them a lovely, neighbourly beating). Should be a good match!
Score? Uruguay by 5
England v Australia
Ian Curtis coulda written Atmosphere for this match (if the respective fans stop singing Swing Low and Waltzing Matilda for a minute). Actually, it sums up the respective nations’ rugby philosophies at the moment:
Endless talking
Life rebuilding
Don’t walk away
Walk in silence
Don’t turn away, in silence
Your confusion
My illusion
However, the song is too beautifully painful and poignant to waste on this rabble, so Swing Low vs Waltzing Matila it’ll stay. Both sides are rebuilding (Sagrada Familia will be finished first) and bringing through stunning new talent like, um, Will Skelton and George Ford, so expect a clash of epic proportions, something akin to the Stonehenge set in Spinal Tap. No seriously, England will have too much for an Australian side playing with pride and mongrel and not much else.
Score? England by 10
Portugal v USA
Portugal were everyone’s second-favourite side after the Springboks last year, playing a brand of fearless, running rugby and delighting crowds along the way. They thumped the USA and drew with Georgia at the World Cup, and have beaten both Fiji and Namibia away this year. The USA, well, they’re crap. Not as crap as their election results, but pretty crap. And just to stick one to the Orange Furby, I’ll let Lou Reed get under his skin:
Donald came from Miami, F-L-A
Hitch-hiked her way across the USA
Plucked her eyebrows along the way
Shaved her legs and then he was a she
She says, “Hey babe, take a walk on the wild side”
Score? Portugal by 12
Romania v Tonga
I’m flagging a bit, to be fair, at this point, with no secretary to make coffee[Ed: make your own damn coffee; are you Trump?], so it’ll be brief: Romania had a miserable World Cup, getting thrashed by the Boks (quite rightly) and then suffered the indignity of Scottish one-upmanship and shipping 80+ points. Tonga battered them too, before a consolation victory over the USA. Oh, and even Canada beat them this year. Tonga should have way too much for them, but I did my Bru prediction before looking at the form book. Fuck.
Score? Romania by 3
Italy v Argentina
Two sides that are – hopefully – very much on the up. Italy had a great 6N, beating Scotland and Wales, drawing with France and coming within a whisker of England, only getting humped by the Unsmiling Irish. Solid July wins over Tonga and Japan, but up against an Argentina that beat the Kiwis and Boks and hammered Australia in the RC (should’ve beaten them twice). On their day, they’re irresistible, with a beguiling and bewitching combination of power, pace and panache, and frankly, the best side in the world to watch when on song. Sometimes the Fat Lady has laryngitis though.
Score? Argentina by 4
France v Japan
This’ll be pretty one-sided, and a good leg stretch for the French before the serious matches to follow. No point in bemoaning Japan’s fall from grace; it is what it is. Eddie Jones will doubtless be pitching up in Europe with music on his mind, but even Alphaville can’t save him:
You did what you did to me
Now, it’s history I see
Here’s my comeback on the road again
Things will happen while they can
I will wait here for my man tonight
It’s easy when you’re big in Japan
Score? France by 30
Wales v Fiji
Can Wales continue to be as bad as they’ve been lately? To paraphrase the last decent US President “YES THEY CAN!” That said, there’s been some encouraging displays from a couple of their URC sides recently, so they have the ingredients for a decent side, but just seem to be struggling to make much more than a flapjack with them. Will they be luxuriating in the Green, Green Grass of Home, or frantically Holding Out for a Hero come the final whistle? The former, for me, against a frustrating Fiji, who just don’t seem to be able to transfer the brilliance of their 7z into 15z consistently enough.
Score? Wales by 15
Scotland v South Africa
Already getting twitchy for this Sunday afternoon clash. This is a high-quality Scotland side, brimming with quality, talent and intent throughout, but particularly in the back division and the back row. Their kryptonite may be the tight five, especially the replacement forwards, given what they’re up against, but Glasgow in particular have come to the spiritual home of rugby and smashed, grabbed and clubbed their way to wins, so won’t fear much. Will Finn Russell be back in the saddle? Bok fans will hope to go full circle and see him Lose Control; back to you Ian:
Confusion in her eyes that says it all
She’s lost control
And she’s clinging to the nearest passerby
She’s lost control
A titanic struggle, for sure, with the Bok defence scrambling to contain the Scots backs and keep them within sight, until the bomb squad tilts the match in our favour.
Score? South Africa by 6
Top Trumps and Tunes by deebee7
Onna telly in the next week or so
Showing matches that are televised in the UK and Ireland or on popular subscription services. Bold indicates that it’s on a free to view channel. Times are in the UK zone, so adjust as necessary.
Friday 8th November
| Ireland v New Zealand | 20:10 | TNT Sports 1 |
Saturday 9th November
| England v Australia | 15:10 | TNT Sports 1 |
| Italy v Argentina | 17:40 | TNT Sports 2 |
| France v Japan | 20:10 | TNT Sports 2 |
Sunday 10th November
| Wales v Fiji | 13:40 | TNT Sports 1 |
| Scotland v South Africa | 16:10 | TNT Sports 1 |
Ovally Balls 
Ulster need to calm down.
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I’m just thrilled that we’re not nilled (any more).
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Finally! Not pretty, but it’ll be 7 with the kick. 7-15 with 23 minutes left. Can Ulster turn it around?
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Jesus christ. At least we managed a LBP.
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New ‘Tunnelgate’ just dropped
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Fourie has copped a lot of comments down here about it – most reckon the Stormers were stupid to not just have the prop tell the hooker what the call was. As do most sides these days.
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Bloody hell, another injury. So let’s call up someone from The French second tier….
https://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/rugby-union/articles/cwyj9dy5p0lo
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Well, that sucks if you don’t already subscribe.
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That is a travesty!
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Apparently that bloke didn’t heed the government warnings that said STAY AWAY FROM THE COAST
I’ll have to find the archive film of an RTE reporter telling folks to stay home in the storm – meanwhile in the background headcases are jumping off the diving tower at Salthill near Galway…..
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Bloody hell, another injury. So let’s call up someone from The French second tier…
I think the French did.. Noah Nene playing with Dax (albeit omn loan from Stade Francais)
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most reckon the Stormers were stupid to not just have the prop tell the hooker what the call was
I’ve seen refs tell the opposition hooker to be quiet when shouting or calling random numbers at the lineout.
My old club’s call was 4 numbers, if the 3rd was even it goes to 2 (1349) , if odd (2472) it goes to 4, if there was the same number twice (1331) to the tail, and a zero anywhere over the top.
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Caught the 2nd half of Munster game – so missed most of the action – unless your preferred action is to see 2 forwards (Hodnett and O’Donoghue) on the wing….
Munster had 6-2 split but lost Daly, Farrell, and Coughlan (9) to HIAs – even with an old school 5-3 split it was tight
At one point the sub 9 was playing on the wing, and both 10s were on. Burns went off to be replaced by Gleeson – looked the weirdest caption .. 10 goes off and replaced by a number 8.
Coombes moved from 8 to 6 and O’Donoghue went to the wing.
The sub hooker – Sheahan – made his debut in the backrow as Coughlan went off. So Hodnett moved to the wing, sub 9 Patterson moved to his correct position
Then the post game punditry was all about how “they didn’t push on after the break”…. give me strength….
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Caught most of the Ulster game – Zebre were good,. After last week’s win, Ulster might have been expected to win – but generally weren’t very good.
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Have Ulster been badly depleted by all their Ireland call ups?
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Ouch!
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Deebee – go and stand in the corner. We might have had a few call-ups if they weren’t injured. Or maybe not, given our form this season – but then again, see: injuries.
Trisk – loved your posts about the line-out calls; no wonder it sometimes goes wrong!
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@deebee
I was wondering if this was tongue in cheek…..
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We might have had a few call-ups if they weren’t injured
McCloskey probably ? Who am I missing?
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And I don’t mean that disparagingly …. just that few Ulster/Munster players get a look in irrespective of ability
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Errrrmm … Baloucoune? Stockdale?
But what I really meant is that without the injuries we’d probably have won a lot more games, and then maybe McCann, Sheridan or McNabney might get a look-in.
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Stockdale – yes.
Baloucoune – for me yes, but he seems persona non grata as far as Ireland are concerned
McNabney is one of the development players (or some such designation), no? But McCann ought to be there
Not sure form has anything to do with it – 3rd tier Leinster players get picked up because they’re training day in / day out with the guts of the Irish team – so they’re trusted to slot in
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Oh yes, you’re right – forgot that McNabney was in the development squad. Wondered where he was yesterday!
Baloucoune’s been capped I think twice for Ireland so far. But he’s injured, as is Stockdale.
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Am I allowed out of the corner yet?
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As long as you promise not to make sarcastic comments about poor wee Ulster.
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Poor wee defenceless Ulster. (And attackless.)
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poor wee Ulster
Can’t see this and not hear a voice – “puh-er wee Ulsturrrrr”
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Stickinout!
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No surprises here.
Ireland (v England)
15. Hugo Keenan (UCD/Leinster)(42)
14. Mack Hansen (Corinthians/Connacht)(25)
13. Garry Ringrose (UCD/Leinster)(63)
12. Bundee Aki (Galwegians/Connacht)(60)
11. James Lowe (Leinster)(36)
10. Sam Prendergast (Lansdowne/Leinster)(3)
9. Jamison Gibson-Park (Leinster)(38)
Replacements:
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Looks weak!
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Iain Henderson (Academy/Ulster)(84)
Ireland by 32.
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Sook.
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Toonie’s Cherry-picked Dave to start on Saturday…
https://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/rugby-union/articles/c0rq9wyq9gno
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Deebee – funnily enough, Henderson’s inclusion is one I’d question.
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‘Dave Cherry’ sounds like a made-up character in a particularly bad crime novel.
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France by 16, Scotland by 6, England by 4 is what I’ve gone for, on the ‘Bru.
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I’ll go France by 27, Ireland by 11 and Scotland by 9.
My success rate is usually around 33%.
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Wales & France
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As everyone knows I think we ought to be looking towards RWC27 – and I’m not suggesting playing the U20s either.
McCarthy is out – so Beirne pushed into 2nd row – excellent opportunity to play Izuchukwu. No, we opt for Baird (who will probably play out of his skin now)
Izuchukwu should at least get the Henderson slot (sorry Thaum) (I thought he was super versus Exeter)
Sheehan rushed back – Healy struggling on – Lowe straight back after injury – Hansen straight back after suspension (and no real form shown recently)
Henshaw/Aki has always been the best combo irrespective of Ringrose’s merits
I’ll leave it there…
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Trisk – no need to apologise, I completely agree!
New post for the 6N shortly!
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New post is here. Enjoy!
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Are comments open on the new blogpost?
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Sorry, I turned them off on the wrong one! Fixed now.
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