The first week of November has come and gone – Diwali lit up the skies, Guy Fawkes (at least down here) Faded to Grey and Blondie wasn’t French Kissing in the USA, as she’d probably be pitchforked by the MAGA mob reprising their Halloween characters, whilst slobbering over their Freedom Fries and burning Kamala Harris in effigy, good, moral American-values folk that they are. So what next? Some Hemispheric Clashes, that’s what! Not just the usual North-South score settling, but some intriguing clashes between the emerging (or submerging in some cases) nations too. The Autumn Internationals are upon us, and we’ll be in the Joy Division, with plenty of Atmosphere:
Ireland v New Zealand
Kicking off proceedings on Friday night, two of the real heavyweights of world rugby at the moment in Ireland, ranked Number 1, and New Zealand, ranked number 3. If the Kiwis win and the Boks lose, the Blackness will be back on top of the world, improbable as that seemed a few short months ago. Ireland are a more settled side, at home, and desperate to avenge the loss in France last year and continue to be the best side between World Cups. Rest assured, nobody will walk away, in silence.
Score? Ireland by 5
Canada v Chile
A bit of a step down in class (difficult not to be!) with two sides trying to make it into the second tier of the global game. Canada have fallen Icarus-like from their heights of the 90s and are now scrapping it out with the likes of Chile below the second tier nations of Japan, Tonga, Samoa, Australia and the like. Chile, fairly battered at the World Cup last year (and by the ruthless, unsmiling Scots in July), have actually had a decent run in 2024, with only that loss so far to the Celtic Curmudgeons. Not much of a song, but Can-Canada do the Locomotion? Nope.
Score? Chile by 10
Spain v Uruguay
Another ‘emerging match’ between a Spanish side slowly making progress and getting the odd scalp (not as odd as Trump’s, mind), but also getting a bit battered by anyone decent. Good Spain beat Tonga and narrowly lost to Samoa on tour to the islands in July, and last year clobbered Canada, but got smashed by Argentina (nobody cried for them. Sorry) and the USA. Uruguay could be a growing side of note, having emerged from the World Cup with some credit – hammered by New Zealand, but not embarrassed by France or Italy and beating Namibia. They’ve built on that with decent displays against Scotland and France in July (although Argentina gave them a lovely, neighbourly beating). Should be a good match!
Score? Uruguay by 5
England v Australia
Ian Curtis coulda written Atmosphere for this match (if the respective fans stop singing Swing Low and Waltzing Matilda for a minute). Actually, it sums up the respective nations’ rugby philosophies at the moment:
Endless talking
Life rebuilding
Don’t walk away
Walk in silence
Don’t turn away, in silence
Your confusion
My illusion
However, the song is too beautifully painful and poignant to waste on this rabble, so Swing Low vs Waltzing Matila it’ll stay. Both sides are rebuilding (Sagrada Familia will be finished first) and bringing through stunning new talent like, um, Will Skelton and George Ford, so expect a clash of epic proportions, something akin to the Stonehenge set in Spinal Tap. No seriously, England will have too much for an Australian side playing with pride and mongrel and not much else.
Score? England by 10
Portugal v USA
Portugal were everyone’s second-favourite side after the Springboks last year, playing a brand of fearless, running rugby and delighting crowds along the way. They thumped the USA and drew with Georgia at the World Cup, and have beaten both Fiji and Namibia away this year. The USA, well, they’re crap. Not as crap as their election results, but pretty crap. And just to stick one to the Orange Furby, I’ll let Lou Reed get under his skin:
Donald came from Miami, F-L-A
Hitch-hiked her way across the USA
Plucked her eyebrows along the way
Shaved her legs and then he was a she
She says, “Hey babe, take a walk on the wild side”
Score? Portugal by 12
Romania v Tonga
I’m flagging a bit, to be fair, at this point, with no secretary to make coffee[Ed: make your own damn coffee; are you Trump?], so it’ll be brief: Romania had a miserable World Cup, getting thrashed by the Boks (quite rightly) and then suffered the indignity of Scottish one-upmanship and shipping 80+ points. Tonga battered them too, before a consolation victory over the USA. Oh, and even Canada beat them this year. Tonga should have way too much for them, but I did my Bru prediction before looking at the form book. Fuck.
Score? Romania by 3
Italy v Argentina
Two sides that are – hopefully – very much on the up. Italy had a great 6N, beating Scotland and Wales, drawing with France and coming within a whisker of England, only getting humped by the Unsmiling Irish. Solid July wins over Tonga and Japan, but up against an Argentina that beat the Kiwis and Boks and hammered Australia in the RC (should’ve beaten them twice). On their day, they’re irresistible, with a beguiling and bewitching combination of power, pace and panache, and frankly, the best side in the world to watch when on song. Sometimes the Fat Lady has laryngitis though.
Score? Argentina by 4
France v Japan
This’ll be pretty one-sided, and a good leg stretch for the French before the serious matches to follow. No point in bemoaning Japan’s fall from grace; it is what it is. Eddie Jones will doubtless be pitching up in Europe with music on his mind, but even Alphaville can’t save him:
You did what you did to me
Now, it’s history I see
Here’s my comeback on the road again
Things will happen while they can
I will wait here for my man tonight
It’s easy when you’re big in Japan
Score? France by 30
Wales v Fiji
Can Wales continue to be as bad as they’ve been lately? To paraphrase the last decent US President “YES THEY CAN!” That said, there’s been some encouraging displays from a couple of their URC sides recently, so they have the ingredients for a decent side, but just seem to be struggling to make much more than a flapjack with them. Will they be luxuriating in the Green, Green Grass of Home, or frantically Holding Out for a Hero come the final whistle? The former, for me, against a frustrating Fiji, who just don’t seem to be able to transfer the brilliance of their 7z into 15z consistently enough.
Score? Wales by 15
Scotland v South Africa
Already getting twitchy for this Sunday afternoon clash. This is a high-quality Scotland side, brimming with quality, talent and intent throughout, but particularly in the back division and the back row. Their kryptonite may be the tight five, especially the replacement forwards, given what they’re up against, but Glasgow in particular have come to the spiritual home of rugby and smashed, grabbed and clubbed their way to wins, so won’t fear much. Will Finn Russell be back in the saddle? Bok fans will hope to go full circle and see him Lose Control; back to you Ian:
Confusion in her eyes that says it all
She’s lost control
And she’s clinging to the nearest passerby
She’s lost control
A titanic struggle, for sure, with the Bok defence scrambling to contain the Scots backs and keep them within sight, until the bomb squad tilts the match in our favour.
Score? South Africa by 6
Top Trumps and Tunes by deebee7
Onna telly in the next week or so
Showing matches that are televised in the UK and Ireland or on popular subscription services. Bold indicates that it’s on a free to view channel. Times are in the UK zone, so adjust as necessary.
Friday 8th November
| Ireland v New Zealand | 20:10 | TNT Sports 1 |
Saturday 9th November
| England v Australia | 15:10 | TNT Sports 1 |
| Italy v Argentina | 17:40 | TNT Sports 2 |
| France v Japan | 20:10 | TNT Sports 2 |
Sunday 10th November
| Wales v Fiji | 13:40 | TNT Sports 1 |
| Scotland v South Africa | 16:10 | TNT Sports 1 |
Ovally Balls 
We score penalties, SA score tries. All came from White not listening to the referee.
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9-19 with Mapimps in again!
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BB, it was a lot less that five seconds, three tops
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Now we score tries!
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Better
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Lovely Scottish try just in time!
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Ah, bollocks!
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Oh fuck! they found a knock on in there.
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We’ll just ignore the infringements on the one side, righto
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Stunning try! But a knock on! That’s a gut punch for Scotland – but a warning to the Boks as to what Scotland are capable of.
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Normally don’t mind Ridley as a ref, but he definitely seems to be seeing only one side infringing today.
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Used to crticise the BBC’s half time ‘analysis’, but by the time TNT have had their adverts, boasted about what else they have on, shown a try from the other game, then adverts again, they barely have time to mention 1 of the Bok’s tries.
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https://twitter.com/bensmithrugby/status/1855657846077092164
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How did they miss that?!
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Had the ball gone down before his hand hit the line though?
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It could’ve done, but it looks unlikely. Would need to see the video to be sure.
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This is the best we’ve played for a long time. Even with the Bomb Squad on.
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Scotland are upping the ante here. Boks simply not at the races today, but Scotland have been much better in the 2nd half.
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That was a brilliantly entertaining passage of play where Scotland were attacking there.
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What did Mapimpi get a card for? It happened while I was eating dinner.
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SA in charge now. They’ve just turned up the power again.
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Ach well, from someone who remembers the 66 point defeat, I’m fairly encouraged by this display. Well, most of it. They’ve just scored again. Lead by 15, not sure it is quite a 15 point game.
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Refit – I don’t know; I was just starting some dinner preparations!
Hard luck Scotland. Agree that the scoreline doesn’t reflect the match.
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Think it also proves that we still have a bit of a drop off from the first team to the bench, certainly in some positions.
Well done Deebs!
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That wasn’t a 17 point match at all. The Boks looked lethargic and couldn’t get things together, mainly because Scotland’s swarming defence was excellent. In the end, the boys had too much gunpowder in the bomb squad, but it wasn’t vintage stuff. Hopefully more cohesive next week.
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Cheers, BB! That was a lot closer than the scoreline suggests. The Boks looked very disjointed, but largely because of the mongrel in the Scottish side. Scrums were the big difference in the end, love it!
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I reckon at the start of these tests Toonie would have taken 3 wins and a good performance against the Double World Champions, The Mighty Springboks! (so Deebs doesn’t have to say it). He’s got two of those out of the way, let’s see what happens from here on.
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Congrats DB.
Scotland are going to have to find a way to break down that sort of defence – what was it, four tries to nil?
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The Mighty Springboks is perhaps tautological? Nah, seriously, Scotland looked by far the better side from 10 to 13/wing and only some desperate defence kept them out. And as I expected, the Scottish loose trio were excellent and ensured we got bugger all decent ball. Although when we did we tended to waste it under pressure. Anyway, I don’t think we’ll be as bad next week.
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Ticht, ask Michael Alwyn what the try count was! 😇
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Gats looked bored and out of ideas for most of the second half. Not sure his heart is in the Wales job anymore.
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On reflection, the Bok loose trio that started is a shadow of the one that came on – Kolisi, du Toit and Wiese are simply in a different league to Smith, van Staden and Louw. We suffered greatly as a result. Kwagga is the ultimate bomb squad replacement and Louw is a very good young forward who should get better, but Marco van Staden has simply never impressed at this level. Time to move on and get hte likes of Cameron Hanekom into the side and start looking at a couple of the Lions loose trio as back-ups to Kwagga. Think the Bok side for England (barring any injuries) will look like this:
Front Row: Nche, Mobnambi, Thomas du Toit
Locks: Etzebeth, Mostert
Back Row: Kolisi, PS du Toit, Wiese
Half Backs: Reinach, Libbok
Centres: De Allende, Kriel
Back 3: Arendse, Kolbe, Fassi
Bomb Squad: Marx, Steenekamp, Koch, Snyman, Louw, Kwagga, Williams, Pollard.
I feel for Grant Williams, in that he’s probably the best 9 we have but he’s also able to cover wing, so will generally be a bench player because of his versatility. That starting pack is much stronger, given the back row changes, whilst at 9, Jayden Hendrickse yesterday was slow and sloppy – Reinach is also a better tactical kicker. Back 3 has gas to burn second to none, I hope they get enough ball to show it!
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On current form, England will end up as a fine paste, against that team Deebee.
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PFDB keeps saying ‘Argentinia’
Reminds me of a trip on the Luas (Dublin’s tram system) just before the 07 RWC. Some lad roaring down the phone how he’d got tix for Ireland’s games against “Nambia” (right next door to Zambia) and “Argentinia”
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Trisk: AUGH!
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I eagerly await Trisk’s thoughts….
To an extent, this was on the way. I’ve said here numerous times that the selections are too conservative in general. Last season was an ideal time to shake up the squad and try a few newbies or fringe players in key roles – if not then, then now in the AIs
Yes, we’ve bedded in McCarthy and Osborne got a run at fullback in SA, and Crowley is the established 10.
Team looked tired and old – players you named were poor. We were back to AI vs Australia in Nov 22 – Crowley’s debut so to “protect him” – Gibson Park did everything.
Farrell likes the idea of Frawley – Leo Cullen (Leinster DoR) doesn’t and has preferred almost any other Leinster 10. Yes, Frawley grabbed the game vs SA out of the fire with 2 DGs (notwithstanding the fact he wasn’t great otherwise) – but he was disastrous here.
You have to feel for him – his provincial coach doesn’t really rate him but instead of getting a start vs Argentina or Fiji he’s thrown in here. He pulled the SA game out of the fire with 2 shots to nothing but this wasn’t that type of game – we were 13-12 ahead and needed field position/control not “hail marys”. Frawley’s poor kick led directly to NZ try.
Elsewhere – forwards looked tired – very little go forward. McCarthy is relativrly well established now but what you get is a highlights reel – a run here, a big tackle there but goes missing for long periods.
Lineout was a mess – this is an ongoing issue, and Paul O’Connell must take some heat for this. Solution can’t be throw to O’Mahony at 2
Probably a core of players who won’t make RWC2027 (Henshaw, Aki, Healy, O’Mahony, Murray, Furlong, Herring) and a bunch like Gibson Park, Ringrose, Beirne who are borderline – Beirne’s career arc is that he’s been “lightly raced” whereas Henderson is marginally younger but as Indiana Jones puts “it’s not the years, it’s the mileage”.
Anyway, any chance of a shake up in later matches will now disappear – we’ll need to go 3-0 from here.
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I saw a mishmash of other matches – caught most of Italy/Argentina – and only the last crazy 20 mins of England /Australia. Fair play to Oz to keep going – was Smith better off waiting than trying the intercept?
Caught last 15 of Wales / Fiji – seems like I missed the red/yellow card fun – Fiji looked deserved winners to me. Saw most of Scotland/SA – Scotland were a bit unlucky on the White try for TMO to go so far back – but I suppose the knock forward is a key rule that distinguishes rugby from the other football codes – so when do we say we overlook it ?
Didn’t see France / Japan as it was obvious there was no jeopardy there
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Agree with all that! Henderson has been great, but he breaks nearly every time he plays now.
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It was a dumbass pen to give away. That said, we gave away a bunch of them – so Henderson wasn’t alone.
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I meant that he seems to almost always get injured but yes, that was a shocker!
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Oh, yes – I’d say Henderson’s injury record probably means he’s unlikely to stretch his career out.
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Mike Phillips isn’t happy with Warren
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Phillps’ remarks don’t entirely surprise me – but then again, I’m slightly surprised that Phillips expected some long farewell. Gatland never gave much indication that he was sentimental (and to be fair – few top coaches do)
As the intenet meme goes
– “So, that’s it – it’s goodnight and good luck?”
– “I don’t recall saying ‘good luck'”
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Yawn, Stephen Jones has realised the Boks are in the UK again. This time it’s the arrogance of picking the 7-1 Bomb Squad that’s got him all hot and bothered. The Boks are arrogant and unlikeable because of it. Arrogant and unlikeable are two words I’d usually associate with Jones, actually. It seems it doesn’t matter how many times it’s explained that the Boks went that way to keep the squad as fresh as possible for this weekend’s match after a 6-day turnaround, some UK scribes just can’t get their heads around it. Rassie has painstakingly built very good depth in Bok rugby over the last six years, but instead of acknowledging it, the likes of Jones and Michael Aylwin in the Graun just keep writing the same spiteful crap.
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@deebee
7-1 was termed as “morally wrong” here in Ireland by a pundit I can’t really name in case it frightens our Scottish contingent**
**ok, it was Matt Williams…
That sound you hear is BB and Ticht screaming in agony
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You know, I’d actually forgotten Jones even existed. Do, sod you Deebee, for reminding me he does 🖕😅
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Tee-hee
Sometimes I really miss Yosoy 😁
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According to the AI World Cup predictions, Ireland get their name on the trophy! In 2063! Boks only get one more, England and New Zealand the most and Aus get one too. Nothing for France, Scotland or Wales, you lot may as well pack it in now. If you haven’t already.
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Let’s face it folks, if Matt Williams and Stephen Jones are outraged at the Boks, we’re definitely doing things right.
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