Six Nations have announced that they are ringing the changes for next year’s tournament. OvallyBalls had an exclusive mole in the decision room.
Six Nations Clown Five: Listen, chaps, I’m awfully sorry we failed to get the Six Nations behind a paywall so that we could destroy the popularity of the only tournament that is broadly watched, but we’ll try again in a couple of years.
SNC2: I’m not a fookin’ chap.
SNC4: Ah, bellissima! Like me, you are wearing a molto clever disguise to our top-secret meeting in this luxury ristorante.
SNC2: Catch yerself on. I’m wearing what the boss told me to wear: blue.
SNC5: Can we just get back to our onions? We have a tournament to ruin here.
SNC6: Onions? Oignons? En France, we return to our moutons.
SNC3: We quite like our lovely sheep as well.
SNC1: Ach, can we knock the tired wee 70s jokes on the heid? We’ve two major things to discuss here: playing matches on a Thursday (a THURS-DEE!), and deep-sixing one rest weekend.
SNC3: Thursday matches! It was bad enough, look you, when the Friday ones started. Working people are not going to be able to get to these matches, or maybe even watch them on the telly.
SNC5: Surely they will just have their servants do anything necessary on those particular evenings?
SNC6: Bah, the British do not know how to live. They eat their dinner – and quelle horreur d’un repas – at a silly time. They are weaklings who cannot stay up to a reasonable hour.
SNC4: Sono d’accordo.
SNC1: I dinna like the Thursday match, but I’m a wee bit more concerned about losing the rest weekend. That’s 5 Test matches in six weeks. Do we not have a small concern about player welfare there?
SNC3: We’ve not got a huge squad to field from the valleys.
SNC4: È vero, this also concerns us.
SNC2: Agh, it’s all right, we’ll just call on Leinster’s academy if half the squad end up in the hospital.
SNC6: Eh ben oui, we have many teams in the Top14, and perhaps we can bend the rules on players being called up.
SNC5: No worries here either, chaps … heh, heh: and chapesses. So is it all settled, then?
SNCs 1, 3 and 4 (simultaneously): Fuck off / vaffanculo.
SNC5: Perhaps I have not yet properly explained the emoluments available to those who agree to these proposals.
[whispers]
All: Crack on!
Ovally Balls 
Not a good first half from France, it seems. NZ 29-3 up.
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Would you believe Will Jordan has scored a try? 36-10
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France getting stuffed. 43-10 with 20 to go.
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God, the Sky comms is so insipid. It would be great if they could talk about what’s happening a little more and how the players are enjoying the coach journeys a little less.
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43-17 final score. Drew the 2nd half.
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Lions have started at a gallop! 12-0 up after 10 minutes! Missed the 1st try, but a lovely bit of awareness from White at 9 to sniper through for the second.
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I do wish they’d stop giving domestic abusers (Frizzel) games.
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Ooh, LC-D puts his head on the wrong side and gets a knee in the temple.
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They’re (rightly) taking a long time with LC-D. Stretcher and buggy for him. Possible tour ender?
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Jamie George over from Argentina? Probably the best available, none of the Scots hookers are good enough, Lake from Wales?
Lions have been good this half. McDuhan showing both what he’s good at and what he’s not so good at. Huwipolotou have been excellent, and Schooey does what Schooey does. Also think Keenan has been very good, he’ll start next week.
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Apparently news coming through that Ringrose might be a doubt for next week. Good job Huw’s playing well then.
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Fazbot on at centre.
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Hat-trick for Duhan. Very easy for the Lions. 0-36 with 15mins to play.
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Final score 0-48. AuNZ were never in it and the Lions did seem to ease off a little in the second half.
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Did the Dragons win?
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Well, time to see if Rassie is right about squad depth. 11 changes today, largely second choice players. Italy have changed five, so let’s see!
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Jesus, the SA fans are going bonkers at the Nelson Mandela Bay Stadium.
In Lionz news, Jamie George called up for LC-D.
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Poor Italy, having to deal with both SA and Andrew Brace as ref.
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It’s insane that at the slightest break in play, they’re setting off the flame cannons round the pitch and playing music.
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SA down to 14! Weise and the Italy 2 get into some handbags, and then Weise sticks his head into the oppo player’s face. Instant, permanent red card. 60mins left in the match.
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Jasper Wiese trying to even up the match with a fucking stupid headbutt. Absolutely no damage, but you can’t do that. Arsehole. Hope it’s his last Test. What a dickhead
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The women’s tennis final is brilliant.
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Wish I liked tennis.
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You don’t have to like tennis. You just have to like seeing Yanks get nilled.
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In under an hour for a championship final!
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Boks 24-0 up at HT. Been a bit disjointed, but PSDT is causing mayhem on his return, Ox came on for Thomas du Toit and immediately hammered the Italy TH. Wiese remains an arsehole for his red card. FFS, if you’re gonna nut someone, do it properly, but mostly DON’T FUCKING DO IT! Grant Williams looking good at 9, Libbok lovely at 10, except for the yips off the tee. Italy have barely fired a shot in anger, I wonder if they’re not already one foot on the plane back home?
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SA down to 13. Wilcow Louw fails to drop his height at all for a tackle and leads with the shoulder, catching Negri in the head. Yellow & review.
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Italy get their own yellow, for repeated penalties. Frischetti inna bin.
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For all their numerical advantage, Italy have done sod all and are now losing 31-0.
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Italian set piece, particularly the lineout, has been utter garbage. Every time they get a chance to put the ball into the SA half, they immediately give possession back.
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Wessels scores with the clock in the red, after 5mins of slo-mo replays, checking if he was in touch. Final score 45-0, 7 tries for the Boks.
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That last try was a joke, frankly. Happy with the result, especially playing a man down for 60 minutes, Rassie is getting that depth, just not all at the same time.
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Rassie needs to fuck off with this stuff though
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@Refit – that kickoff should’ve been a penalty to Italy for Esterhuizen being offside. The second clip, no idea what the problem is? If it’s within the laws, FFS appreciate the skill and appreciation of the laws. Rassie is taking rugby to another level, with stuff like this, maybe other coaches need to go beyond the traditional?
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Took me over six minutes to sign in to bloody rugbypass. Ireland up 0-7.
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McCloskey was the try-scorer! And now a second one by new man Hugh Gavin.
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Christ, O’Brien in for a third! This is looking very, very ominous for Portugal.
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Bolton in for a fourth!
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4 tries inside 15mins? This is going to be brutal.
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It’s 0-26 at 13 minutes.
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Oops, 28 with the conversion!
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The insane distortion on the ref’s mic is incredibly painful.
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Portugal score!
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Ah no, it’s been called back for a forward pass. They could’ve let them have it.
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Portugal’s captain going off injured. They can’t catch a break.
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Hmm, it looks quite serious.
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Play finally resumes, and Irish 14 goes over.
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Refit – can hear the ref this time! Not getting distortion so much as echo.
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Fattie in for Ireland (tichtheid).
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