Six Nations have announced that they are ringing the changes for next year’s tournament. OvallyBalls had an exclusive mole in the decision room.
Six Nations Clown Five: Listen, chaps, I’m awfully sorry we failed to get the Six Nations behind a paywall so that we could destroy the popularity of the only tournament that is broadly watched, but we’ll try again in a couple of years.
SNC2: I’m not a fookin’ chap.
SNC4: Ah, bellissima! Like me, you are wearing a molto clever disguise to our top-secret meeting in this luxury ristorante.
SNC2: Catch yerself on. I’m wearing what the boss told me to wear: blue.
SNC5: Can we just get back to our onions? We have a tournament to ruin here.
SNC6: Onions? Oignons? En France, we return to our moutons.
SNC3: We quite like our lovely sheep as well.
SNC1: Ach, can we knock the tired wee 70s jokes on the heid? We’ve two major things to discuss here: playing matches on a Thursday (a THURS-DEE!), and deep-sixing one rest weekend.
SNC3: Thursday matches! It was bad enough, look you, when the Friday ones started. Working people are not going to be able to get to these matches, or maybe even watch them on the telly.
SNC5: Surely they will just have their servants do anything necessary on those particular evenings?
SNC6: Bah, the British do not know how to live. They eat their dinner – and quelle horreur d’un repas – at a silly time. They are weaklings who cannot stay up to a reasonable hour.
SNC4: Sono d’accordo.
SNC1: I dinna like the Thursday match, but I’m a wee bit more concerned about losing the rest weekend. That’s 5 Test matches in six weeks. Do we not have a small concern about player welfare there?
SNC3: We’ve not got a huge squad to field from the valleys.
SNC4: È vero, this also concerns us.
SNC2: Agh, it’s all right, we’ll just call on Leinster’s academy if half the squad end up in the hospital.
SNC6: Eh ben oui, we have many teams in the Top14, and perhaps we can bend the rules on players being called up.
SNC5: No worries here either, chaps … heh, heh: and chapesses. So is it all settled, then?
SNCs 1, 3 and 4 (simultaneously): Fuck off / vaffanculo.
SNC5: Perhaps I have not yet properly explained the emoluments available to those who agree to these proposals.
[whispers]
All: Crack on!
Ovally Balls 
0-17, as Reed goes in for a try in the corner, conversion missed again. 31 minutes gone.
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Number 4 before half time! Steyn in the corner.
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Samoa 0 Scotland 22 at half time.
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Gilchrist over at the start of the second half. Pummelled them on the line until Gilcho scored.
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Scotland try to play out from their own line. They don’t. Samoa score.
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Kyle Rowe-ver in the corner! 34-5.
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Samoa score again! Comeback on? 10-34 (conversion to come).
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Scotland win 41-12.
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Well done Scotland, important to keep the Samoans down just at the moment. And for the foreseeable for that matter…
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Have a feeling tomorrow’s score will be similar to that one.
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Ah….. I thought this was U20s…… oops
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Kyle Rowe was the giveaway……
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Nearly time.
Just seem some very unhappy looking blokes in the crowd, dressed as lions with ‘Jac 7’ on their costumes.
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MorGAN fans? Or MORgan fans?
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‘Mon the Lionz!!!!
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Beirne gets a penalty already!
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Sione in!!!
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Huw in now for the second Lions try! These Scots are rubbish aren’t they?
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Ah, no he isn’t. Tackled before the line.
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Booo! Huw didn’t release when he was tackled and the try’s scrubbed.
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“MorGAN fans? Or MORgan fans?”
Probably Morgan fans. Unless they’re feeling the need to learn to speak Welsh, paint themselves red, put on a daffodil and ride three times round the room on a dragon every time they want to say a particular word before reverting to their normal way of speaking.
Looks like the selection are going well anyway!
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Ok, I think that little bit of push & shove is the first time I’ve ever seen Beirne smile.
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Aussies in.
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I’m really starting to hate the commentators trying to make a narrative for everything the players do. You can just describe what’s happening, you know.
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I am enjoying Genge going full baby rhino.
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They talked about Test Match Animals and Beirne and Curry have properly turned up. Their best performances on tour by a long way. Conan’s been the quietest of the back row but still put in some big runs and hits.
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Wallabies changing room looks like an old gym.
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Sheehan in? Yes!
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Was that a legal tackle by the Lions? Looked like a grass cutter to me.
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On the replay, Earl did pretty well to get an arm in considering how far past the player he was.
So much wriggling on the floor by the Aus player, surprising how much the assistant refs had to explain that to O’Keefe.
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Wow! Earl got away with one there. Should have been at least a penalty.
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Are we talking about the same play? I’m talking about the pass off Gordon and cut back. The Lions 20 never used his arms at all, other than to steady himself on the floor?
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I was talking about the buildup to the disallowed Aus try.
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Me too. Lions 20 went knee height with the shoulder. Never got close to having in arm in the tackle. Wouldn’t have made a difference to the result, in my opinion, but with 20-odd replays and not even looked at?
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“Wouldn’t have made a difference to the result”
Pffft.
Get Morgan in.
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Great chat with Finn at the end. Interesting he spoke about Owen Farrell giving him advice about his kicking, not the kicking coach.
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Finn might be the most likeable post-match interviewee around.
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Georgia score first against the Boks!
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0-7 after 3mins. Siya off for an HIA.
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SA score with a try made in Edinburgh :-)
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Argentina and Uruguay both playing some good rugby.
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Not a great Bok performance, but we did what we needed to do. Those Georgians are tough bastards!
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Argentina have messed up at least 3 try-scoring opportunities, but finally get themselves back ahead after the hooter. 7-12 at oranges.
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Argentina found their rhythm in the second half, even with a 20min red. Final score 52-17.
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Petition to have these commentators do the rest of the Lions matches. They’re so much more fun than the florid gumph Sky are bringing.
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Odds’n’Sods team for tomorrow:
https://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/rugby-union/articles/cew0e58edjjo
There seems to be a bit of upset over the captain…
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Poor tackle on Darcy there. Yellow. Darcy’s been properly involved in the first few minutes.
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Lovely wee try from Osborn, with a great kick for O*** F******.
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Darcy in!
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