Six Nations have announced that they are ringing the changes for next year’s tournament. OvallyBalls had an exclusive mole in the decision room.
Six Nations Clown Five: Listen, chaps, I’m awfully sorry we failed to get the Six Nations behind a paywall so that we could destroy the popularity of the only tournament that is broadly watched, but we’ll try again in a couple of years.
SNC2: I’m not a fookin’ chap.
SNC4: Ah, bellissima! Like me, you are wearing a molto clever disguise to our top-secret meeting in this luxury ristorante.
SNC2: Catch yerself on. I’m wearing what the boss told me to wear: blue.
SNC5: Can we just get back to our onions? We have a tournament to ruin here.
SNC6: Onions? Oignons? En France, we return to our moutons.
SNC3: We quite like our lovely sheep as well.
SNC1: Ach, can we knock the tired wee 70s jokes on the heid? We’ve two major things to discuss here: playing matches on a Thursday (a THURS-DEE!), and deep-sixing one rest weekend.
SNC3: Thursday matches! It was bad enough, look you, when the Friday ones started. Working people are not going to be able to get to these matches, or maybe even watch them on the telly.
SNC5: Surely they will just have their servants do anything necessary on those particular evenings?
SNC6: Bah, the British do not know how to live. They eat their dinner – and quelle horreur d’un repas – at a silly time. They are weaklings who cannot stay up to a reasonable hour.
SNC4: Sono d’accordo.
SNC1: I dinna like the Thursday match, but I’m a wee bit more concerned about losing the rest weekend. That’s 5 Test matches in six weeks. Do we not have a small concern about player welfare there?
SNC3: We’ve not got a huge squad to field from the valleys.
SNC4: È vero, this also concerns us.
SNC2: Agh, it’s all right, we’ll just call on Leinster’s academy if half the squad end up in the hospital.
SNC6: Eh ben oui, we have many teams in the Top14, and perhaps we can bend the rules on players being called up.
SNC5: No worries here either, chaps … heh, heh: and chapesses. So is it all settled, then?
SNCs 1, 3 and 4 (simultaneously): Fuck off / vaffanculo.
SNC5: Perhaps I have not yet properly explained the emoluments available to those who agree to these proposals.
[whispers]
All: Crack on!
Ovally Balls 
Deebee, I actually thought the Bulls’ defence was excellent. In the first five minutes Glasgow ran them ragged and it looked like it might be a pasting, the Bulls settled into the game and kept Glasgow to running pretty patterns from one touchline to the other. It was only when Glasgow started High BMI-ing it up through tight phases well into the second half that they managed to open some space to run into.
The front row remains a big problem when Zander isn’t playing
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It’s a tryfest in Joburg! 2 each, plus one Lions one written off. Last Ulster one was rather nice!
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Ticht, they kept the Weege out, but kept themselves under pressure by not having enough dominant tackles, and too many missed or weak first up tackles. They couldn’t get decent territorial advantage as a result.
More importantly, why the fuck am I bigging up a Scottish team, whilst you do the same for a Saffer one? Terrible!
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Lions tighthead going off with review for a high tackle.
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And Baloucoune scores another superb one as the half-time hooter goes.
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Lions have scored another try and a penalty. Bastards.
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And another try! Oh noes!
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TRY McCann! Need to convert and get one more try!
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Conversion done!
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Fuck! forgot to mention that we couldn’t let the Lions score again.
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Imagine how many Ireland caps Baloucoune woulda had if he played for Leinster!
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Oh dear. And they’ve scored again. That it, then: not even a LBP possible. At least we got a BPT.
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Deebs: are you trying to wind me up?
He has also had a lot of injuries.
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Lions! It’s been a ding-dong match for 75 minutes, but the Lions score another to get 13 clear. Bugger! Conversion would’ve done the job. 3 minutes to go. Forward pop! Lions scrum and this should be enough. Penalty! And that’s the game! 90 seconds to go, Lions just need to win the lineout and get it out.
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… Or they could just score again.
We should NOT have replaced the half-backs.
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Deebs: are you trying to wind me up?
Yes. 100% Just for clarity, yes, 100%
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Congrats, Deebee! Must confess I didn’t expect to score four tries AND lose.
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Well that was fun! Completely unexpected, but a great result. Unbeaten Ulster Upended! Sorry Thauma, not gloating, just a bit flabbergasted and a victim of several glasses of bubbles, (because you don’t need an occasion to drink it!)
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Now for the Sharks to prove that having 20-odd Boks in the squad means squat when you’re badly coached!
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Missing a number of players to internationals and injury, altitude and heat. I’ll think of some more excuses in a minute.
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Nah, we were just outplayed.
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Buggrit, missed the first 2 mins of the Bath match and Bristol’s try. Bath have spent the last 5mins camped on Bristol’s line, but there’s an intercept and clear the lines.
The ball doesn’t go to touch though and Bath score from a 50m run-up. 5-all.
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The wind has suddenly picked up, into Bath’s faces. Spencer just put up a box-kick and it went backwards!
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Bristol hooker walks on to the pitch while taking a lineout, throws short, gets it back and scores! That should have been chalked off, Shirley?
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30-man rumble!
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Bristol some avoid conceding another try twice, via Bath knock-ons.
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TMO determined to stop Bath scoring tries. Strange that they pick up that, but aren’t allowed to intervene when the Bristol hooker throws in at a lineout on the pitch.
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I’m still wondering about the apparent Bath arm to a Bristol player’s face, just before half-time.
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How the hell have Bristol survived all that? Bath have been camped on the line for forever, Bristol lose a player to the bin, but they manage to turn the ball over and clear 60m down field.
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Ollie Lawrence just did the most marvellous, soft, pop-pass to Barbeary while he was taking contact. He’s such a great player to watch.
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Another rumble in the 80th minute, with players almost being pushed over the hoardings. This is a proper local derby.
Bath did score before that…TMO might have spotted another knock-on though.
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Try is good and a yellow card for both teams for the afters. 33-15. We’re in the 88th minute and a penalty restart for Bristol!
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Bristol get into the Bath 22, but Bath turn it over with a penalty. For some reason, Russell has chosen to kick straight to touch, so we’re still playing.
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Bristol get the ball back, make some headway into the Bath 22 again, before Arundell intercepts the ball and runs 80m to score – maybe his 3rd touch of the game?
Final score, on 92mins, 40-15.
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It’s Beano time at the Arms Park! Bashem and Belcher leading the charge.
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Dalkeith 0 – 85 Dunbar
We travelled the short distance to the outskirts of Edinburgh for the latest instalment of Arnold Clark Region East Div 1
Dunbar had previously struggled against a big Dalkeith pack but now that the Green and Whites lads are older, bigger and more physically matched with their opponents, it’s no longer the case that they get overwhelmed up front.
The core of this team are around 21 years old, some of them work on fishing boats, on farms and on building sites, they’re getting stronger every years and it is showing.
The Dunbar coaches were frustrated at the end, the team didn’t follow instructions
In defence of the team, when it’s this one-sided, it’s difficult not to carry too far and miss the obvious pass etc.
For me the best thing is to see a scrum which got battered at times last season in a lower division now step up and dominate here, due to the fishermen and builders etc
Haddington beat North Berwick but Dunbar still top East Div 1 on points difference. Langholm and Murrayfield Wanderers are 6 and 7 points adrift respectively in a league that has split into top 4 and bottom 5.
We now have a break in the league for cup game next Friday and then a couple of weeks off for the internationals
I’m less pissed than last week.
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The Dunbar coaches were frustrated at the end, the team didn’t follow instructions
Not noticeable in the scoreline!
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Thaum, the coaches are very demanding, but also very popular with the players – Dunbar left many tries out there today by not sticking to the plan and taking the ball one or two phases too far, this led to handling errors and, to be honest a bit of glory seeking. It’s a good sign, I think that the coaches will give the player a bit of roasting for it. There is room for improvement.
I bloody love watching this team, much more than watching Edinburgh, that’s for sure.
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Living your best life, Ticht, as I believe da kidz say!
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Hmm. Just watched the final of the Northern Irish Open (snooker). Was Judd Trump (world N° 1) against his best mate, Jack Lisowski, who recently lost his dad ‘suddenly’, and who has never won a ranking title.
My opinion is that Trump, whom I dislike, threw the match on purpose, but if he did, it makes me like him more.
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Think they’ll make a movie about it? The Big Lisowski has a certain ring to it.
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So the Wessels ballgate saga drags on, with the citing commissioner giving him a 9 match ban, based on his arm moving in an unnatural arc in ultra-slow motion, but no actual footage of the alleged incident. How can you dish out such a comprehensive ban based on just the version of one player (and the version seems to have changed a bit, too)? It’s a slippery slope if we’re going down that route, whether or not he was guilty: lose your rag, lash out and punch an opponent and then claim self-defence? I’m not saying that happened, but this opens the door to that kind of cynical behaviour – which is starting to creep in rugby, unfortunately.
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Anyway, moving on, the Boks are starting 21-year old Zachary Porthen at tighthead against Japan this weekend, the youngest Bok TH, certainly in the professional era. Put out a strong side too, with Ox and Marx packing down with the youngster and two very good locks in de Jager and Snyman behind them. My biggest concern is the back row, which is slooooooow! Wiese and Siya, no problem, but Franco Mostert has been pretty ordinary at lock or blindside this year – I don’t think he’ll be around next season, barring emergencies. Great servant, and fantastic engine, but probably ready for retirement.
In the backs, the injury over the weekend to Damian Willemse is a big blow. Man, he’s such a gifted player, but always one side step from injury. Kolbe replaces him at the back, slightly out of position, but he’ll be okay. The rest of the backline is as expected, and I think the centres are there largely to contain Japan’s midfield and snuff out wide attacks. Andre Esterhuizen inked in as a forward replacement in a 6-2 bench, but could also play in the backs.
It’s a side with one eye on France next week, giving some of the guys who haven’t been active in a while (the Japan based players), as well as ensuring we don’t go into the Paris (?) match undercooked.
South Africa: 15 Cheslin Kolbe, 14 Ethan Hooker, 13 Jesse Kriel, 12 Damian de Allende, 11 Kurt-Lee Arendse, 10 Sacha Feinberg-Mngomezulu, 9 Cobus Reinach, 8 Jasper Wiese, 7 Franco Mostert, 6 Siya Kolisi, 5 Lood de Jager, 4 RG Snyman, 3 Zachary Porthen, 2 Malcolm Marx, 1 Ox Nche
Replacements: 16 Johan Grobbelaar, 17 Gerhard Steenekamp, 18 Wilco Louw, 19 Ruan Nortje, 20 Andre Esterhuizen, 21 Kwagga Smith, 22 Grant Williams, 23 Manie Libbok
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England team to face Australia:
Steward; Roebuck, Freeman, Dingwall, Feyi-Waboso; Ford, Mitchell; Baxter, George, Heyes, Itoje (capt), Chessum, Pepper, Underhill, Earl.
Replacements: Cowan-Dickie, Genge, Stuart, Coles, T Curry, Pollock, Spencer, F Smith.
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Well, well!
Ireland (v New Zealand):
(Club/Province/Caps)
Andrew Porter (UCD/Leinster)(75)
Replacements:
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And their opponents
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Scotland team to face USA in the Quilter Nations Series at Scottish Gas Murrayfield on Saturday 1 November, kick-off 5:40pm – live on TNT Sports (caps in brackets):
Kyle Rowe – Glasgow Warriors (14)
Darcy Graham – Edinburgh Rugby (47)
Ollie Smith – Glasgow Warriors (10)
Stafford McDowall – Glasgow Warriors (14) – Captain
Duhan van der Merwe – Edinburgh Rugby (49)
Adam Hastings – Glasgow Warriors (34)
Jamie Dobie – Glasgow Warriors (14) – Vice-captain
Rory Sutherland – Glasgow Warriors (43)
Patrick Harrison – Edinburgh Rugby (3)
D’Arcy Rae – Edinburgh Rugby (2)
Scott Cummings – Glasgow Warriors (42) – Vice-captain
Marshall Sykes – Edinburgh Rugby (4)
Liam McConnell – Edinburgh Rugby (uncapped)
Dylan Richardson – Edinburgh Rugby (6)
Jack Dempsey – Glasgow Warriors (26)
Replacements
Harri Morris – Edinburgh Rugby (uncapped)
Nathan McBeth – Glasgow Warriors (3)
Murphy Walker – Glasgow Warriors (5)
Alex Samuel – Glasgow Warriors (1)
Max Williamson – Glasgow Warriors (7)
Magnus Bradbury – Edinburgh Rugby (19)
George Horne – Glasgow Warriors (38)
Ross Thompson – Edinburgh Rugby (5)
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Hmmm, they had number when I posted :-(
Much is expected/hoped for from Liam McConnell at 6 – he is 21 – Scotland U20s captain for the last couple of years, he is an abrasive player, as is Harri Morris the replacement hooker.
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Some interesting line-ups! Leinster+ will always be difficult to beat because of the large degree of cohesion they bring, with a few players from other sides that add quality to an already potent team. Having Bundee on the bench could be a nightmare for the Kiwis later in the game.
The All Blacks is a real mixed bag: after the shellacking the Boks gave them, there were calls for Scott Barrett to be dumped completely, along with B Barrett. The Kiwis have a weakness in the 2nd row with none of Barrett, Holland nor Lord especially outstanding. The replacement front row is a bit meh too, blow hot and cold, but they’re building a very nice back row around Ardie, with Simon Parker pretty handy and Peter Lakai the latest to be given the troubled 8 jersey. Cam Roigard at 9 will be a global superstar, if he stays fit, but 10, for years a position of huge strength for New Zealand is suddenly a bit bare – neither Barrett, B nor D-Mac has been convincing, and it speaks volumes that Kiwis are pining for the return from exile of 31-year old Richie Mo’unga. Outside of that, there is some serious talend in Jordie, Quinn Tupaea, Caleb Clarke, Will Jordan and Leroy Carter. Bench could be awesome, could be iffy, depending on the bench fowards go.
Haven’t seen the Wallaby side to face England, so can’t comment on that match-up and I don’t think the USA will provide more than a training run for Scotland, whoever they pick, so a banker on Superbru.
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Australia:
Starting XV:
Kellaway; Jorgensen, Suaalii, Paisami, Potter; Edmed, Gordon; Bell, Pollard, Tupuo, Frost, Williams, Valentini, McReight, Wilson (capt).
Replacements: Nasser, Robertson, Alaalatoa, Salakaia-Loto, Champion de Crespigny, Lonergan, Stewart, Daugunu.
They’re missing JO’C, Skelton & Ikitau.
https://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/rugby-union/articles/cm2wzvdzgkno
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