Six Nations have announced that they are ringing the changes for next year’s tournament. OvallyBalls had an exclusive mole in the decision room.
Six Nations Clown Five: Listen, chaps, I’m awfully sorry we failed to get the Six Nations behind a paywall so that we could destroy the popularity of the only tournament that is broadly watched, but we’ll try again in a couple of years.
SNC2: I’m not a fookin’ chap.
SNC4: Ah, bellissima! Like me, you are wearing a molto clever disguise to our top-secret meeting in this luxury ristorante.
SNC2: Catch yerself on. I’m wearing what the boss told me to wear: blue.
SNC5: Can we just get back to our onions? We have a tournament to ruin here.
SNC6: Onions? Oignons? En France, we return to our moutons.
SNC3: We quite like our lovely sheep as well.
SNC1: Ach, can we knock the tired wee 70s jokes on the heid? We’ve two major things to discuss here: playing matches on a Thursday (a THURS-DEE!), and deep-sixing one rest weekend.
SNC3: Thursday matches! It was bad enough, look you, when the Friday ones started. Working people are not going to be able to get to these matches, or maybe even watch them on the telly.
SNC5: Surely they will just have their servants do anything necessary on those particular evenings?
SNC6: Bah, the British do not know how to live. They eat their dinner – and quelle horreur d’un repas – at a silly time. They are weaklings who cannot stay up to a reasonable hour.
SNC4: Sono d’accordo.
SNC1: I dinna like the Thursday match, but I’m a wee bit more concerned about losing the rest weekend. That’s 5 Test matches in six weeks. Do we not have a small concern about player welfare there?
SNC3: We’ve not got a huge squad to field from the valleys.
SNC4: È vero, this also concerns us.
SNC2: Agh, it’s all right, we’ll just call on Leinster’s academy if half the squad end up in the hospital.
SNC6: Eh ben oui, we have many teams in the Top14, and perhaps we can bend the rules on players being called up.
SNC5: No worries here either, chaps … heh, heh: and chapesses. So is it all settled, then?
SNCs 1, 3 and 4 (simultaneously): Fuck off / vaffanculo.
SNC5: Perhaps I have not yet properly explained the emoluments available to those who agree to these proposals.
[whispers]
All: Crack on!
Ovally Balls 
Well, blow me away! Forget Suzie, norovirus, dodgy refs and forward passes, the latest in the converyor belt of Kiwi excuses for losing is provided by Codie Taylor, discussing their savaging in Chicago in 2016:
Taylor said the All Blacks had suffered off-field distractions nine years ago after arriving as the city celebrated the Chicago Cubs’ World Series baseball triumph.
“We probably turned up, got caught up in the lights of the city and went down to an Irish team that was determined to beat us for the first time,” Taylor said.
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Ouch, Bristol properly humped in the Prem Cup. 19-49 to Bath.
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Aus lucky there wasn’t a second look at Kellaway’s ‘defence’.
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Imagine if Freddie Steward could catch a ball.
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Bloody hell, Ben Earl running in from 40m+.
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Have to say, that was a good England try.
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That was an incredible kick by the Aus 8,
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Sweet Caroline is bloody awful (mainly due to overexposure) but at least its not Sweet Low Bloody Chariot.
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Or even Swing Low etc.
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England attack had a clear forward pass that the ref missed, then Potter gets an interception!
(Insert your own Harry Potter joke here….)
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It’s weird, the really obvious infringements that the reffing team have missed.
As someone who thinks JKR is one of the most despicable people in the UK at the moment, the HP ‘jokes’ from the comms team are a little grating.
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That was absolutely a penalty try, when Kellaway tapped the ball off the pitch.
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Don’t know why the comms didn’t hear the ref say that he COULDN’T kick it straight out, which is why he went for that weird NFL=style onside kick.
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Lovely JD2 tribute, by Curry there.
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Bloody hell, that was a maul and a half.
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What’s that noise, thinks an Australian…
It’s Tom Curry at full pelt…
England just overpowering the Aussies now.
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SA going well against Japan, 26-0 up coming up to half time.
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The ‘Santos’ branding on the back of the Aus shirts is causing some horrible strobing on my TV.
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Deserved win for England in the end, I think. Not the greatest game, but it was chucking it down, plus added niggle at the end!
Now for the main event of today…. (in half an hour)
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Wish commentators would learn some basic geography. USA is NOT a Southern hemisphere country, it’s a slightly sideways (from Scotland) country.
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Did they say that? Pretty sure Alaska goes into the Arctic Circle! :-D
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Ooh, made a horrible mess of the USA scrum there.
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First try Scotland!
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So, it’s just us that TNT/Discovery is not working for, then? Great.
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Very unselfish of McConnell, he could totally have scored there.
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Fixed it! Just in time to see the conversion.
What horrid kit is this?
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That was brilliant from young McConnell – run up the line and one handed pass to McDuhan on his 50th appearance to score try number 33.
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3 tries inside 10mins? This could be an absolute blood-bath at this rate.
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Darcy now in for try number 32! This could be anything.
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Some American pressure, but Scotland hold them off, cute chip for Darcy, then Dobie along side and in for the try.
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Duhan bounces off two Americans and in for the try.
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Bloody hell, Scotland in again! I know USA aren’t great but we usually struggle against the ‘lesser’ sides. 40 points up and we haven’t played half a n hour yet.
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That was some very pretty play, that ended with Darcy scoring.
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Although, being Scottish, I’m still slightly worried…..
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I think you’re probably safe now, BB. Although it would be nice to keep the Yanks nilled.
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Just about safe, Thaum. USA have been awful, but we’ve made them look awful. Some really good performances tonight.
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85 points in 80 minutes. One of our biggest wins ever.
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Duhan and Darcy equal at the top of our try scoring charts. Duhan seemed more of a team player tonight than I’ve seen him in the past.
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That was a back line without Ben White, Finn, Sione, Huw Jones, Rory Hutchison, Kyle Steyn, Fergus Burke, Blair Kinghorn and the pack was missing Zander and Matt Fagerson, Rory Darge, Grant Gilchrist, Jamie Ritchie, Andy Onyema-Christie. Getting some reasonable depth now, though still lacking in the front row. Thought Morris did well on his day-boo, as did McConnell.
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I think we will lose. By a lot.
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Probably.
Now I am logged in at the top, and it is still asking me to log in before commenting.
Thought England a bit meh. Lots of kicking by numbers again.
Scotland xtra A’s did a good job.
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I don’t imagine Beirne has very soft shoulders.
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What’s with all the yellow boots? All the ABs are wearing them and a lot of the Irish. Some special sponsorship deal?
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Great start. Sheehan fucks up the line-out, gives away a penalty, and then Beirne shoulder-barges an AB inna face.
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I love how BOD has gone from “I don’t think there’s much in that” to “that could be a yellow” an the space of 2 sentences. Decisive commentary.
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@BB – ABs all wearing the same boots has been a thing for a few years now. Dunno about the Irish.
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Somehow we are 3-0 up. Won’t get nilled!
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Well, Beirne’s been upgraded to red. Not clear if it’s a 20-minute one or a full one.
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Beirne off! Strange how the Graun MBMer thought it wasn’t even a yellow!
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Ouch! Barrett with a very painful-looking knee injury.
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