Six Nations have announced that they are ringing the changes for next year’s tournament. OvallyBalls had an exclusive mole in the decision room.
Six Nations Clown Five: Listen, chaps, I’m awfully sorry we failed to get the Six Nations behind a paywall so that we could destroy the popularity of the only tournament that is broadly watched, but we’ll try again in a couple of years.
SNC2: I’m not a fookin’ chap.
SNC4: Ah, bellissima! Like me, you are wearing a molto clever disguise to our top-secret meeting in this luxury ristorante.
SNC2: Catch yerself on. I’m wearing what the boss told me to wear: blue.
SNC5: Can we just get back to our onions? We have a tournament to ruin here.
SNC6: Onions? Oignons? En France, we return to our moutons.
SNC3: We quite like our lovely sheep as well.
SNC1: Ach, can we knock the tired wee 70s jokes on the heid? We’ve two major things to discuss here: playing matches on a Thursday (a THURS-DEE!), and deep-sixing one rest weekend.
SNC3: Thursday matches! It was bad enough, look you, when the Friday ones started. Working people are not going to be able to get to these matches, or maybe even watch them on the telly.
SNC5: Surely they will just have their servants do anything necessary on those particular evenings?
SNC6: Bah, the British do not know how to live. They eat their dinner – and quelle horreur d’un repas – at a silly time. They are weaklings who cannot stay up to a reasonable hour.
SNC4: Sono d’accordo.
SNC1: I dinna like the Thursday match, but I’m a wee bit more concerned about losing the rest weekend. That’s 5 Test matches in six weeks. Do we not have a small concern about player welfare there?
SNC3: We’ve not got a huge squad to field from the valleys.
SNC4: È vero, this also concerns us.
SNC2: Agh, it’s all right, we’ll just call on Leinster’s academy if half the squad end up in the hospital.
SNC6: Eh ben oui, we have many teams in the Top14, and perhaps we can bend the rules on players being called up.
SNC5: No worries here either, chaps … heh, heh: and chapesses. So is it all settled, then?
SNCs 1, 3 and 4 (simultaneously): Fuck off / vaffanculo.
SNC5: Perhaps I have not yet properly explained the emoluments available to those who agree to these proposals.
[whispers]
All: Crack on!
Ovally Balls 
Match has lost a bit of spark since the benches started emptying. Kiwis in the red zone now. Penalty New Zealand. Back to 15 players. Looks like a score in the corner for DMac? Bugger. Conversion missed! Can Scotland score a converted try?
LikeLike
WhyTF has Finn been taken off???!!!
LikeLike
He’s got a big boot, for a little man.
LikeLike
Why do TNT keep pushing the ‘6 Nations App’? It’s not for another 3 months.
LikeLike
Scotland >>> Ireland.
LikeLike
Ah, shit! For a few beautiful minutes it looked like Scotland would turn dreams into legend.
LikeLike
Refit – yep, they put up a much better fight than we did. Scotland furra 6N!
LikeLike
Bugger.
LikeLike
And we’re back in Spain.
TRY Murphy!
LikeLike
Harry Byrne – sorry, Hairy Burn – has not missed a kick on goal yet, including some quite difficult ones.
LikeLike
There’s an Irish yellow – nobody knows who – and Spain have scored again.
LikeLike
TRY Bolton.
LikeLike
Byne off the post! Oh no!
LikeLike
What a great game in Murrayfield between two of my favourite teams!
LikeLike
How can you fuck up pronouncing McCann? He’s McCain today.
LikeLike
Doak has just aged 2 years in about 2 seconds. He was 21 when he came on, but now he’s 23.
LikeLike
TRY Boyle (?) who’s apparently moved from n° 8 to the front row. But he’s been struggling with front row / back row all match, and also doesn’t know the difference between a maul and a scrum.
LikeLike
I hate the way TNT do the team sheet – 1-8 for the forwards, then 15-9 for the backs. It’s momentarily confusing every time.
LikeLike
Come on Italy!
LikeLike
Italy-Aus or England-Fiji? The former should be a closer affair, the latter more pyrotechnics.
LikeLike
Postlethwaite’s been a naughty boy. Not sure why.
LikeLike
Deebee – Italy have Andrew Brace reffing, so the England match might be a less frustrating watch?
LikeLiked by 1 person
England score through LC-D, after having all the ball for opening six minutes. Think I’ll switch to the Italy match.
LikeLike
Great Spanish try in 79th minute.
LikeLike
24-61 at FT. Not a great second half.
LikeLike
Yeah, thanks Refit. Not sure that’s worse than the English commentators feeling the need to mention every club that every Fijian has played for in The Prem.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Great try by Fiji.
LikeLike
Italy 6-0 up after 11 minutes. Who’d have thought the Aussies would be penalised at the scrum?
LikeLike
Fiji take the lead! Probably lucky they score, because that was a cynical block by M.Smith.
LikeLike
Great try Fiji! Such skill! Every time they have the ball they look like they could bust the line. Goal kicking could use some attention.
LikeLike
You can’t play the 9.
I think maybe there should be a rule that you can if s/he has a really bad mullet.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Ooh, that was lucky landing for Manny F-W, fully taken out in the air.
LikeLike
Oh christ, that was a terrible tackle.
LikeLike
Yeah, surely it’ll be upgraded.
LikeLike
Bloody hell, England made hard work of that try.
LikeLike
Should probably be a full red, not a 20-minute job.
LikeLike
Helluva first half, spoiled by the potential red.
LikeLike
Ooh, the Fiji player is very lucky – just a yellow.
LikeLike
G’wan Genge!
LikeLike
Wide try line!
LikeLike
Another smart try by Fiji. They’re still in this. 21-18
LikeLike
Fiji straight back with a simple tramline try from the lineout!
LikeLike
Switched back to Italy at HT to avoid the half-time wanking (and check the score). Aus have just scored again.
What’s going on with England/Fiji? What kind of red is the card?
LikeLike
Oh, that’s been answered while I was typing – ta!
LikeLike
Well, the score but not the card….
LikeLike
Thaum – the ruling was F-W landed on his chest, so only a yellow. Fiji save by a couple of degrees of rotation.
LikeLike
Tuisova yellow for combined team penalties.
LikeLike
Sualihi gets a yellow for a crap high tackle and Italy score a try! 19-all in Italy!
LikeLike
Wow, I am surprised it wasn’t at least a 20-minute red. It was definitely reckless, and he had no control over how F-W landed.
Go Italy!
LikeLike
Kudos to F-W for not making a meal of it too. Straight back to his feet and playing.
LikeLike