Six Nations have announced that they are ringing the changes for next year’s tournament. OvallyBalls had an exclusive mole in the decision room.
Six Nations Clown Five: Listen, chaps, I’m awfully sorry we failed to get the Six Nations behind a paywall so that we could destroy the popularity of the only tournament that is broadly watched, but we’ll try again in a couple of years.
SNC2: I’m not a fookin’ chap.
SNC4: Ah, bellissima! Like me, you are wearing a molto clever disguise to our top-secret meeting in this luxury ristorante.
SNC2: Catch yerself on. I’m wearing what the boss told me to wear: blue.
SNC5: Can we just get back to our onions? We have a tournament to ruin here.
SNC6: Onions? Oignons? En France, we return to our moutons.
SNC3: We quite like our lovely sheep as well.
SNC1: Ach, can we knock the tired wee 70s jokes on the heid? We’ve two major things to discuss here: playing matches on a Thursday (a THURS-DEE!), and deep-sixing one rest weekend.
SNC3: Thursday matches! It was bad enough, look you, when the Friday ones started. Working people are not going to be able to get to these matches, or maybe even watch them on the telly.
SNC5: Surely they will just have their servants do anything necessary on those particular evenings?
SNC6: Bah, the British do not know how to live. They eat their dinner – and quelle horreur d’un repas – at a silly time. They are weaklings who cannot stay up to a reasonable hour.
SNC4: Sono d’accordo.
SNC1: I dinna like the Thursday match, but I’m a wee bit more concerned about losing the rest weekend. That’s 5 Test matches in six weeks. Do we not have a small concern about player welfare there?
SNC3: We’ve not got a huge squad to field from the valleys.
SNC4: È vero, this also concerns us.
SNC2: Agh, it’s all right, we’ll just call on Leinster’s academy if half the squad end up in the hospital.
SNC6: Eh ben oui, we have many teams in the Top14, and perhaps we can bend the rules on players being called up.
SNC5: No worries here either, chaps … heh, heh: and chapesses. So is it all settled, then?
SNCs 1, 3 and 4 (simultaneously): Fuck off / vaffanculo.
SNC5: Perhaps I have not yet properly explained the emoluments available to those who agree to these proposals.
[whispers]
All: Crack on!
Ovally Balls 
Italy score again! Fabulous!
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Italian coach’s reaction to an Australia try being ruled good.
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That’s a get-out-of-jail for England.
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Fiji! Wow! Great hands! Ah, nope, knock on.
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How did F-W (a) survive that tackle and (b) get the pass away???
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Why are they subbing Arundell for Freeman? F-W is moving very stiffly.
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Bloody hell, Arundell’s speed!
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Ohh, Italy broke away and could have scored another, but threw the ball the wrong way.
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Italy with a nice turnover and a line-out just outside the 22.
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Italy 7 up with 4 to play! Inside the Aussie 22… but cough up the penalty on the floor.
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Super-Maro!
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Italy win the ball and then lose it again … Oz kick to about the 22 line … and they’ve lost it again!
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Clock is red!
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Aus with the lineout outside the Italy 22 inside the last minute. But Italy turn it over with a penalty on the floor! Time up. Italy need to win the lineout and hoof it – which they do! Amazing! Great win!
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Italy have won!
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FORZA ITALIA!
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Blues to DOMINATE the 6N.
Well, we’ll see how France do tonight.
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Fiji were much better than the final score line. That was a hell of a tense match, as an England fan.
(still can’t believe that was only a yellow)
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Nerves kicking in proper now! Luckily the corkscrew is doing its job with minimal fuss.
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Deebee, what are you having?
I used a bit of Sauvignon blanc from the Loire valley and then some Morgon.
No nerves here. Already watched an excellent game ( SCO- NZ of course) and I expect a good one tonight.
Enjoy!
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Deebee, what are you having?
I used a bit of Sauvignon blanc from the Loire valley and then some Morgon.
No nerves here. Already watched an excellent game ( SCO- NZ of course) and I expect a good one tonight.
Enjoy!
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Yay! Kayser on comms.
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Flair, was sipping a Cab Sav, now onto Pinotage (South African varietal). La Marseillaise with the lights is stunning!
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What the hell was that pass?????
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Couple of early errors from the Boks and an outrageous pass by the French! French scrum under pressure early.
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Great try France! Surely offside, but doesn’t seem to be looked at these days. Just the start France wanted.
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7-3 with a penalty from SF-M.
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French scrum getting stuffed. Angus Gardener should shut the fuck up when a kicker is lining up! 7-6
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That was a hell of a regather by Willemse.
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France contesting in the air superbly! But a couple of soft penalties are keeping them pinned in their own half.
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Boks with another shot. Missed one a couple of minutes ago. And this is a bad miss. Was in midfield 40m or so out. You’d expect him to nail that. Both sides giving away silly penalties.
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(I have an Australian Shiraz for the match)
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Penaud looks like he’s hurt himself scoring that.
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(I have French cognac for the match.)
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France with another lovely try out wide. Use of space is excellent. And Ramos nails the conversion off the upright! 14-6 after 28 minutes. France making full use of their chances out wide
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Snipe and a half there.
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Reinach! Great chip and chase! Boks needed that. 14-13 with the conversion!
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Miles Harrison not pronouncing the ‘N’ at the start of Ntamack is starting to grate.
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That has to be red. He tucked the arm before contact.
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It’s an illegal tackle, even before the point of contact.
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Red all day.
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Advantage France at half time. They’re up on the scoreboard, playing good rugby when they get front foot ball and now have an extra player. Boks will have to dig very deep to win from here.
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Ferocious!
My money is still on SA, as France’s bench, particularly the front five, isn’t all that.
Sacha should be French. Not the greatest kicker but what ease! Considering the centres Rassie forces him to play with, it’s obvious he does not trust handling and running. I know I shouldn’t say so, as it will bite me later, but there, I said it.
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Ferocious!
My money is still on SA, as France’s bench, particularly the front five, isn’t all that.
Sacha should be French. Not the greatest kicker but what ease! Considering the centres Rassie forces him to play with, it’s obvious he does not trust handling and running. I know I shouldn’t say so, as it will bite me later, but there, I said it.
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I’m kind of enjoying Gardner’s “fuck it, play on” attitude.
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Don’t think the Boks will win this. Just no momentum. No possession, no territory, no continuity. France have simply been the better side for 60 minutes so far.
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Is that the first time Kriel has had the ball?
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I can’t spa…
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Grant fucking Williams! You beauty! 17-25 with 8 to go.
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Well, maybe it’s just Scotland and Italy we have to worry about in 6N.
Although if France have Dupont back, all bets are off.
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