Six Nations have announced that they are ringing the changes for next year’s tournament. OvallyBalls had an exclusive mole in the decision room.
Six Nations Clown Five: Listen, chaps, I’m awfully sorry we failed to get the Six Nations behind a paywall so that we could destroy the popularity of the only tournament that is broadly watched, but we’ll try again in a couple of years.
SNC2: I’m not a fookin’ chap.
SNC4: Ah, bellissima! Like me, you are wearing a molto clever disguise to our top-secret meeting in this luxury ristorante.
SNC2: Catch yerself on. I’m wearing what the boss told me to wear: blue.
SNC5: Can we just get back to our onions? We have a tournament to ruin here.
SNC6: Onions? Oignons? En France, we return to our moutons.
SNC3: We quite like our lovely sheep as well.
SNC1: Ach, can we knock the tired wee 70s jokes on the heid? We’ve two major things to discuss here: playing matches on a Thursday (a THURS-DEE!), and deep-sixing one rest weekend.
SNC3: Thursday matches! It was bad enough, look you, when the Friday ones started. Working people are not going to be able to get to these matches, or maybe even watch them on the telly.
SNC5: Surely they will just have their servants do anything necessary on those particular evenings?
SNC6: Bah, the British do not know how to live. They eat their dinner – and quelle horreur d’un repas – at a silly time. They are weaklings who cannot stay up to a reasonable hour.
SNC4: Sono d’accordo.
SNC1: I dinna like the Thursday match, but I’m a wee bit more concerned about losing the rest weekend. That’s 5 Test matches in six weeks. Do we not have a small concern about player welfare there?
SNC3: We’ve not got a huge squad to field from the valleys.
SNC4: È vero, this also concerns us.
SNC2: Agh, it’s all right, we’ll just call on Leinster’s academy if half the squad end up in the hospital.
SNC6: Eh ben oui, we have many teams in the Top14, and perhaps we can bend the rules on players being called up.
SNC5: No worries here either, chaps … heh, heh: and chapesses. So is it all settled, then?
SNCs 1, 3 and 4 (simultaneously): Fuck off / vaffanculo.
SNC5: Perhaps I have not yet properly explained the emoluments available to those who agree to these proposals.
[whispers]
All: Crack on!
Ovally Balls 
Thauma, it’s not a crap Irish side, they’re on the wrong side of a determined Bok team thus far. I won’t relax until the final whistle. You don’t become crap overnight, maybe have an off day, but they’ll be back.
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Ticht, I’d be happy enough if it had been issued. There are clearly some ‘learnings’ required.
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Deebee, I have trouble supporting dirty sides. I would have expected the Boks to be the ones with four cards in the first half. ;-)
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If I were Farrell, I’d ban every player who earned a card for several matches at least.
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And rescinded in the 2nd?
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Oof, SFM just waltzed through the defence.
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Sacha! Fuck me! What a talent! He just has the vision that allows his pace and step to get him through the defence.
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Strangely, RG Snyman not getting a great reception. Fabulous turnover by Irealnd!
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That’s a brilliant clearance from JGP!
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That was good.
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I get that part of the commentators job is to hype the match, but do they have to fellate EVERY player as they come onto the pitch?
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Clown car sequence. I still don’t understand why SA don’t have at least 50 points.
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Ireland, as ever, not going away. 13-24 with 25 to go.
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Thauma, I don’t think anyone puts 40, let alone 50, on this Irish side. They’ve been second best so far, but as ever, hard as nails.
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What the fuck does “the latest creation of the Willy Wonka of world rugby” mean????? In respect to Esterhuizen.
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I didn’t know Esterhuizen was being used as a flanker now
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Refit, the coms are cringeworthy
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Another card!
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I do love a strong scrummaging display. I know I might be a minority of one on this
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The Irish defence is really, really impressive.
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Nah, you’re not the only one Ticht.
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Ireland are showing great heart here, brilliant rear-guard stuff
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Well that is simply stunning defence by Ireland! Boks should’ve scored several times, but were repelled over and again.
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Refit, Ticht isn’t the only one who loves a good scrum!
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Bloody hell that was close.
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Nonsense on the POTM, the best players on the park have been the four SA props
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If I never hear BOD on comms again, it’ll be too soon.
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I love the main commentator describing a moment of indecision from Predergast as “a double pump”.
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What a match.
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Ireland just don’t go away. Boks would’ve strolled this against most sides, but shit, Ireland are a helluva side!
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What a shitshow that was on both sides.
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Chris Ashton on comms, is going to be a breath of fresh air, after the last match. Providing he doesn’t try and be too ‘funny’.
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Bloody hell, Aus scoring inside 3mins. Don’t tell me ‘that’ France have turned up?
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Looks like ‘neither’ France has turned up so far.
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Rassie, classy in victory 🙄
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This could be fun. 2 tries already – a bit more open than the previous game.
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Bloody hell :-D
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Bell runs it in from 5 miles out!*
*Not quite.
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BB – for a prop, that is 5 miles.
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Ahem
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Unless you’re a tichtheid prop of course.
France score again!
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Keyser popping in from the studio to moan about France was great. This is my match of the day for commentary, so far.
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How brilliant is Bielle-Biarrey?
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Ashton had it right, that was a sexy try.
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LB-B, just brilliant
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Le Bip-Bip!
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This feels like Frog Pills era France.
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B-B and Mikey Lowry are very similar players: small, talented backs who wear a red scrum-cap. B-B being a bit more talented, with no disrespect to Lowry.
One thing I noticed in today’s shitshow was that not a single player, on either side, managed to field a high ball.
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DO France have a game plan? They seem to be going through the motions and just waiting for Ramos or BB to do something magic.
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